[ESFP] What characteristics do ESFPs women like in a guy? - Page 3

What characteristics do ESFPs women like in a guy?

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This is a discussion on What characteristics do ESFPs women like in a guy? within the ESFP Forum - The Performers forums, part of the SP's Temperament Forum- The Creators category; hmm laid back extroverts is a yes, a person who can talk and discuss about anything and who doesn't joke ...

  1. #21
    ESFP - The Performers

    hmm laid back extroverts is a yes, a person who can talk and discuss about anything and who doesn't joke excessively but still has humour, up for doing anything, okay with emotions, appreciative.

  2. #22
    INTJ - The Scientists


    Quote Originally Posted by yuzu View Post
    hmm laid back extroverts is a yes, a person who can talk and discuss about anything and who doesn't joke excessively but still has humour, up for doing anything, okay with emotions, appreciative.
    Hi!!!!
    I couldn't help noticing but you're describing INTJs

  3. #23
    INTJ - The Scientists


    Quote Originally Posted by mountainroad View Post
    I am an INTJ male that was married to an ESFP woman for five years. In our case, the relationship was terrible; as a rational, it is always my intent to not allow bias to affect my evaluation of this sort of thing and I can usually do this by default. However, years of an abusive and exploitative relationship with her actually makes this a bit difficult for me.

    -She always needed to be the center of attention, which could sometimes mean insulting people and hurting their feelings if it could get her attention. She was particularly comfortable with insulting me in this context.

    -I will be the first to admit that gift-giving is not my strong suit. However, her obsession with material things created a demand for me to be buying her things (usually junk) on a day to day basis, at the risk of being a terrible and selfish person if I forgot to do so.

    -She compared me to other men and told me that she wished that I would be like them. The men she compared me to were loud, annoying, rude people that I am not even capable of imitating.

    -She continuously accused me of not having a sense of humor. That is not true at all. For her, having a sense of humor meant adhering to a very narrow style of humor, which was loud and full of slapstick. I actually have a developed sense of humor, which involves subtle sarcastic jokes. She never got my jokes though. In reality, when we were in situations where my sense of humor was working, she got mad at me. If we were at a party, for example, and started making jokes that were successful (causing loud, almost rolling on the floor laughter), she would get mad at me because she got jealous not being the center of attention at the party. I would then get an aggressive lecture while driving home about how I wasn't really funny anyway.

    -When I was getting ready to propose, I decided to dedicate the amount of money that I had set aside for buying an engagement ring to buying the highest quality diamond I could afford (as opposed to the largest). She began telling me on the day of proposal, even after accepting, that she was disappointed and wished that the diamond was larger. I thought it was a beautiful and fiery diamond but she always wanted the biggest, loudest things possible. She would have been happier if I had bought her a very large, moderate quality diamond. She would have been able to brag about the Karats, which is what mattered to her ultimately.

    -When I got out of the Army, I began to use the GI Bill to go to college. She hated, hated, hated, hated it. She especially hated it that I was a dedicated A student. I received a stipend from the Army for going to school full time and making good grades, on top of a retirement check the Army will pay me for the rest of my life because of being wounded in combat. It was plenty of money for us to live comfortably while I was in school, studying to get a higher paying job. She directly told me though that she wanted me to quit school to go get a job at a factory IMMEDIATELY, which would have paid me more money right then. She needed immediate gratification and did not think about the future. She also had a compulsive spending problem so the reasonable income that I was bringing in for what I was doing was being expended all of the time on shoes, purses, and clothes. Therefore, she "needed" me to make more money at the time. She couldn't recognize the amount of money she was wasting. She could only see that we didn't have enough and blamed it on my refusal to get a job at a factory that would pay me more than my GI Bill/Retirement money. She also included with her arguments against me going to school a generic and meaningless "what's the point?" clause. "If you haven't gotten your bachelor's degree by X age, what's the point?" She never rationalized that argument. It's justification was "what's the point?"

    I want to be fair. I am listing the issues as I see them, through my INTJ personality. I know what her arguments against me were so I will list them without my own modifications. Whether or not I feel like they are true, perhaps ESFP's reading them will be able to recognize something meaningful in them and identify with her arguments against my personality.

    Her arguments against me, in her words:

    -You are "boring."

    -You dress "boring," like an old man.

    -You have no sense of humor.

    -You are an "elitist."

    -You think you are smarter than me and you are not smarter than me.

    -You don't want me to have fun.

    -You want to stifle my personality.

    -You don't care about anything. All you care about is stuff that doesn't matter.

    -You never get mad; you have no personality.

    -Why don't you call me a b!tch or something to let me know you have a soul.

    -You have no soul.

    -You make up big words to make me feel stupid.

    -You don't act like a man. Why don't you get a "man" job? You just want to read stupid books about things that don't matter.

    -Everybody thinks you are sooooooo smart. You are not smarter than me.

    -You are not smarter than me. Do you hear me?

    -You never want to have fun.

    -Why don't you act like X's boyfriend/husband? He is so fun.

    -Why don't you buy me jewelry like X's boyfriend/husband? X has a two-karat diamond. He really loves her. You don't want me to have anything.

    -You are soooo boring.


    All of the above are things that she said to me.

    I know this thread is about "what characteristics do ESFP women like in men." I don't know if my post makes a coherent statement about that. I mentioned everything that she said that she did not like in me but she also married me so must have been attracted to something about me at some point. From my perspective, admittedly having been burned, this particular ESFP likes a huge personality, loudness, unmitigated adventure-seeking, extreme masculine characteristics, and a propensity to buy her lots of shiny things and to allow her to buy lots of shiny things, and to not get embarrassed when she makes a scene in a restaurant while "performing."

    I hope this doesn't come across like I dislike or judge ESFP's. I know that every personality type has an extreme/unhealthy possible expression.
    Are you sure she was ESFP and not a bad form of ENFJ? They can come quite similar, an ENFJ in anima will use SeTi acting like a retarded ESFP. ESFPs are hardly ever this abusive nor do they stick around that long just to abuse the other person. This takes some planning which they're poorly capable of. Most likely a bad variant of ENFJ is what it sounds like to me. The reason I suspect this is that comparing you with others is an Fe treat. Fi is incapable of that and I doubt she was using Te.
    Yeahright thanked this post.

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  5. #24
    ESFP - The Performers

    Quote Originally Posted by Snapple View Post
    Hi!!!!
    I couldn't help noticing but you're describing INTJs
    I thought I said laid back extrovert? INTJ's aren't extroverts?

  6. #25
    INTJ - The Scientists


    Quote Originally Posted by yuzu View Post
    I thought I said laid back extrovert? INTJ's aren't extroverts?
    There's no such thing as laid back extrovert, it's a contradiction in terms. INTJs can behave quite extroverted if they like you.
    kaylamint thanked this post.

  7. #26

    some one who is fun...xD
    Snapple thanked this post.

  8. #27
    ESFP - The Performers

    Quote Originally Posted by Snapple View Post
    There's no such thing as laid back extrovert, it's a contradiction in terms. INTJs can behave quite extroverted if they like you.
    hm )-: how so. do the traits from my other post sound like something you would do? or other INTJs?

  9. #28

    Quote Originally Posted by Snapple View Post
    There's no such thing as laid back extrovert, it's a contradiction in terms. INTJs can behave quite extroverted if they like you.
    That doesn't make sense, of course there is such thing. Perhaps you are working from a different definition of laid-back, because I am most certainly laid-back, as are most SPs. In fact INTJs seem quite uptight if you ask me...

  10. #29
    INTJ - The Scientists


    Quote Originally Posted by Yeahright View Post
    That doesn't make sense, of course there is such thing. Perhaps you are working from a different definition of laid-back, because I am most certainly laid-back, as are most SPs. In fact INTJs seem quite uptight if you ask me...
    Hmm? Aren't ESTPs most likely type to start a physical bar-fight just for shits and giggles?

  11. #30
    INTJ - The Scientists


    Quote Originally Posted by yuzu View Post
    hm )-: how so. do the traits from my other post sound like something you would do? or other INTJs?
    As I've recently got a life for Christmas (bad/bad gift) I'm unaware of which post you're talking about since my stalking the ESFP sub forum diminished drastically. But I'm crazier than you think yeah. I have the same functions as you do I just don't show them plainly. I need to trust you first:)
    P.S: unless u got scammed by an Ukrainian girl this Christmas at a stupid club in Turkey you ESFPs aren't that fun ;)


     
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