[ESFP] What characteristics do ESFPs women like in a guy? - Page 5

What characteristics do ESFPs women like in a guy?

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This is a discussion on What characteristics do ESFPs women like in a guy? within the ESFP Forum - The Performers forums, part of the SP's Temperament Forum- The Creators category; ...

  1. #41
    INTP - The Thinkers

    @mountainroad . I found your big post very informative. I am sure you had a reason why you got together in the first place. Your post really made me realise that an ESFP wants to live in the moment and an INTJ thinks a lot about the future.

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  2. #42

    ENFP men???

    I've noticed ENFP's hardly get a look in, not just on this thread either. An ESFP girl has recently popped back into my life (after 20 years) and blown me away... again :)

    I'm pretty sure she's an ESFP and never been shy in coming forward & amazing sexy energy. She's also had a string of relationships with typically macho, older guys. I always fitted into the older category but not a macho guy at all.

    My concerns reading about ESFP's are their lack of interest in my ENFP 'big picture' theories & in spite of my love of new experiences & spontaneity she would become bored and move on.

    We have recently met again with all the animal chemistry being held at bay. We are both at turning points our lives-

    -I am leaving the country for a new job with the intention of having a new adventure & saving enough cash to come back and start long term projects (Conscious decision to stop dreaming)

    -She has recently had a baby who will require full time care (for the rest of her life) and we share many of the same dreams, project & lifestyles. (She is consciously focusing her life around her daughter and long term goals & eventually relationship)

    We seem to have fallen for each other hard but trying to make sensible decisions. I fully accept her priorities right now and suggested distance might be a safe way for us to explore each other before my return home with cash in a couple of years. She isn't materialistic like many of the comments I've heard and is more the hippy, artisan country girl.

    Also I've heard that she concerned that she will end up being another girl who hurts me

    I hope the abusive relationship mentioned earlier isn't typical of ESFP's. She sounded like my Ex-Wife.... Vile!!!

    I guess my question is... what do ESFP women think of ENFP relationships? Is is common for ESFPs to adjust to parenthood easily and strive for long term relationships
    Last edited by wambledack; 08-04-2016 at 05:37 PM.

  3. #43

    I like quiet, intelligent guys who are steady, work hard and actually listen to me. Lazy, loud, obnoxious guys are a complete turn off. I want to be able to have a good conversation that goes both ways.

    Fastest way to piss me off: "Oh, I didn't listen to you because women never really say what they mean."
    Ryosuke93, Skeletalz and Dora thanked this post.

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  5. #44

    I was attracted to men that seem like they'd be good fathers. Attentive, considerate, hard-working. I am not even at the point where I want to be a mom, but somehow it is in the back of my mind when I get a crush.
    But then I don't want them serious all the time, I like them being playful. Also, the ability to support me when I get stressed/emotional and to not knock me down further with harsh words/bad advice/non-empathy.

    Hopefully someone who doesn't try to control me and has faith in me. I would hate to be with someone who seems determined to dim the light in my eyes. Someone who is not scared of my personality and unique needs. Basically we will keep each other healthy (mentally, physically, emotionally, spiritually).

    I have a crush on an *SFP celeb...but sometimes, he seems kind of controlling and so that is a turn off. I do feel good around Fe sometimes, but then I worry about what they think of me when I get into moody Fi mode. The thought of being called selfish by an Fe user would destroy me inside. I sometimes think what it would be like with a thinker type...but no matter how rational I would try to be, I will have my meltdowns occasionally and I don't know if I would be treated with care. NFs, I get entranced by their kindness and worldviews, but then feel like they will always want me to be on best behavior and I like dealing with negativity in a raw real way...not necessarily a dreamy idealistic way. So yeah...forever alone. Lol

    (I am basing things on stereotypes anyway, so I bet the real person can be any temperament and when I find him, I will gush on PerC about his type, even more than his type will merit. Haha)
    Last edited by Ryosuke93; 09-06-2016 at 02:23 PM.
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  6. #45

    Heres a few: Ive found that ESFPs (based on one example lmao) love being playfully dragged and called out on their bullshit like worrying too much about the future or being too emotional. In that situation a calm and structured problem solving attitude is something they like, helps them get over it, be rational and take action.

    Having someone describe pretty much anything about them (their experiences, their thought process, their ideals) through for example the lyrics of a song they really like is impressive. Being amazed of how easily theyre being described and understood, how simply their essence is put into words :)

    Ive heard that getting some real advice about planning, life, motivation, basically everything they struggle with brings on a state of being really impressed with how true it is (provided its actually legit advice) or how well their thought process being described and explained while just listening, being impressed and trying not to cry :D

  7. #46

    @Skeletalz That is true. If someone can give me good, structured, actionable advise in easy steps, while sounding more supportive than condescending, it's very much appreciated and I am in awe of such a person :)
    AnonymousFawn and BettyLindsey thanked this post.

  8. #47

    im new to all this mbti thing, so i don't have any type in mind but i do like laidback dudes who are witty, genuine and kind

  9. #48

    I'm an ESFP and my first serious boyfriend was an INTJ. I tried to break up with him soon after we started dating, and it didn't go over well at all. Being very immature myself, I stuck out the relationship, and I ended up being terrible to him -- and for the longest time I blamed myself for everything. But I see in retrospect how controlling he was -- my clothes were wrong, my makeup was wrong, my taste in music was idiotic, most of my friends were stupid and he openly resented them, etc. It's no wonder nobody in my circle liked him, but they kept up a good act as long as they could. When he and I took the MBTI in college together, he even told me the only acceptable result was INTJ! (I can't remember what my result was back then.) It's all very funny to me now, because he pretended all the time to be this deep guy who thought looks were unimportant, etc., and "it's what's inside that counts," while he couldn't have been more shallow when it came to women. But like a fool, I stayed. And like a fool, he stayed too.

    I had this conflict of both wanting to please him and resenting him for it. But as I matured as a person (not just as an ESFP) over the years, I came to realize that regardless of how badly he treated me, it was no excuse for treating him poorly and that his behavior was on him. Still, I needed to accept that the guilt for my poor treatment of him was on me, since I could have left at any time. In fact, I realize now how much more merciful it would have been to have left the first time I tried. It's been 20 years since we've seen each other, and I'm pretty sure he still hates my guts (long story why I have reason to suspect this.) I never cheated on him, but I sorta threatened (to) plenty of times in a very passive-aggressive way.

    I'm now long married to an ENTP and while nothing is perfect, I think it works because my Se-Fi ultimately accepts his emotionally remote style in a good-natured way and deeply appreciates his brilliant quickness and wisdom, while his Ne-Fe respects my personal morality code and appreciates my ability to help him stop and smell the roses, literally. (My Se now prizes nature above the other sensations that my immature self used to seek, like chemical substances, etc.)

    I would agree with the other ESFP that we can seek out those who dominate us -- at least when we're younger and our Se is reigning too strongly over our Fi -- but I have to tell you as an older ESFP female if you make it on this planet long enough (at least for this ESFP), all I want is a responsible hard-worker who comes home every night and enjoys the quiet, chill life -- a guy who is laid-back, loyal, faithful, and above all, loves me for who I am, despite my taste in music and clothes. But he does have this strength about him, this self-containment that is really appealing. I really think that's a part of his wisdom, but it makes him reticent to say a lot about some things that I am passionate about, and that can make me feel lonely at times, but oh well. I think he just sees no need to try to explain himself, because he probably has tried to before and gotten nowhere with people. It must be hard to be so smart. :-)

    And while I was once a much more materialistic person (I still love to shop, but don't let myself do it much anymore), I sincerely couldn't care less if he buys me things. No matter what he buys me for Christmas or birthdays, I thank the crap out of him and whether I like the stuff or not, I pretend it's the best thing ever, because I want him to feel appreciated. (Because I really appreciate him.) We don't even celebrate Valentine's Day. But he will surprise me with a "just because" gift sometimes, and it means so much because I know he was thinking about me. He's usually better at buying me something fun rather than practical, whereas I buy him thoughtful things that are practical. How's that for a switch?
    Last edited by BettyLindsey; 08-16-2018 at 03:55 AM.

  10. #49

    Quote Originally Posted by Insight1 View Post
    I think there is variations of ESFP's. Myself, I enjoy having an introverted man as my partner. I like extraverts but mostly just as friends. ISFJ's are great caring partners but I just find myself needing more of the "T" in my life too. However, that would make my ideal partner an ISTJ. I've met an ISTJ who is married and they seem like great mates. I am attracted to their calm, stoic, and take charge ways. Very competent men. Would there be a power struggle? Maybe. I will let someone dominate me if they are strong enough and competent. On the flips side the ISTJ must understand that I am emotion too. I know they can't stand emotions display in women so maybe they would not make great mates after all. It is important that if an ISTJ is interested in me that he needs to tell me what he needs so I can strive for it. If it is communicating in a calm manner than tell me. Just knowing that I have a partner who is totally committed and who wants to make my life safe and stable would be my hero of a mate.
    I suspect my dad (RIP -- love you, Dad) was ISTJ, and I almost gave him a heart attack every time I bought an article of clothing. He was sooooooo thrifty with money, though not a cheap guy, if that even makes sense. He'd buy things for me, but if I bought them myself, he'd freak out. And I found out after he died how many charities he was giving to, etc., but if you had more than a few pairs of shoes, he'd give you the side-eye. But my ISTJ friend makes comments all the time about how people are reckless with money and spend it on the wrong things and then whine when they can't buy their kids milk, etc. She says things like, "if you can't feed it don't breed it," etc. (I don't have kids, by the way!) I find her pretty judgmental at times. I think an ISTJ mate for me would be an exhausting battle.
    Last edited by BettyLindsey; 08-16-2018 at 04:19 AM.

  11. #50

    Quote Originally Posted by Snapple View Post
    Are you sure she was ESFP and not a bad form of ENFJ? They can come quite similar, an ENFJ in anima will use SeTi acting like a retarded ESFP. ESFPs are hardly ever this abusive nor do they stick around that long just to abuse the other person. This takes some planning which they're poorly capable of. Most likely a bad variant of ENFJ is what it sounds like to me. The reason I suspect this is that comparing you with others is an Fe treat. Fi is incapable of that and I doubt she was using Te.
    Hmmm ... for a second there, I almost doubted my self-identification as ESFP and thought maybe I was a poorly developed ENFJ, but then I got to the "this takes some planning which they're poorly capable of" part and I knew I was ESFP.

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