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ESFP's and relationships

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This is a discussion on ESFP's and relationships within the ESFP Forum - The Performers forums, part of the SP's Temperament Forum- The Creators category; Originally Posted by defragmybrain Been dating my ISTJ for over a year. Why would you ever want to date one ...

  1. #21
    ESFP - The Performers

    Dating an ISTJ?

    Quote Originally Posted by defragmybrain View Post
    Been dating my ISTJ for over a year.

    Why would you ever want to date one of those when you can have your very own ESFP?

    (Just kidding, of course!).
    Digger

  2. #22
    ENTP - The Visionaries

    So I thought I'd put in my 2 cents.
    I dated an ESFP for over 2 years, and based on type compatibility, that itself is a miracle. I think it's the riddle we were to each other that kept the insane attraction going. I can't say that I understood the fellow ESFP, but I got used to the mad moodswings, bursts of confidence and lack of confidence, getting distracted and forgetting dates/to eat/to put on underwear/promises, needing space and just learned to love those things, until all of the above went south.

    Me, being an ENTJ , I show love by being there when someone needs me. Eventually the ESFP started needing "space" when I was having the toughest times (i.e. my mom got cancer), which is obviously when I needed the support from my partner the most. The partner was nowhere to be found and seemed to think that buying me lunch/something expensive made up for not being there when I needed them.

    When things totally cracked down the middle, the ESFP explained it to me the following way: I knew them too well and loved them too much.

    Perhaps if I ask you ESFPs this, you'd have an answer to what the hell that even means.

    My ex still sends me bday presents/calls/texts and tells me constantly they'll never have anyone better than me.
    Yet they don't do anything about it, and I sure won't after all that happened.

    So, what are your thoughts?

  3. #23
    Unknown Personality

    Quote Originally Posted by mars6988 View Post
    Me, being an ENTJ , I show love by being there when someone needs me. Eventually the ESFP started needing "space" when I was having the toughest times (i.e. my mom got cancer), which is obviously when I needed the support from my partner the most. The partner was nowhere to be found and seemed to think that buying me lunch/something expensive made up for not being there when I needed them.
    Ohh I know what you mean. I am more like you though, the timing seems to have been bad in your case. I wouldn't appreciate that kind of treatment either if it means anything at all to you.

    Quote Originally Posted by mars6988 View Post
    When things totally cracked down the middle, the ESFP explained it to me the following way: I knew them too well and loved them too much.

    Perhaps if I ask you ESFPs this, you'd have an answer to what the hell that even means.
    It likely mean this person was very unhealthy, it seems like most of us when healthy are very concerned about others and their wellbeing, especially those we care about, and will go way out of our way to live up to that to the point of exhaustion.

    Quote Originally Posted by mars6988 View Post
    My ex still sends me bday presents/calls/texts and tells me constantly they'll never have anyone better than me.
    Yet they don't do anything about it, and I sure won't after all that happened.

    So, what are your thoughts?
    Then my guess must be correct, quite unhealthy...sorry to hear about your experience, we all go through hell at some point and need someone there, you seem to have both needed someone at exactly the same time which seems to be what made it really not a good combo. My 2 cents.
    Kr3m1in thanked this post.

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  5. #24
    ISTJ - The Duty Fulfillers

    OH NO!... I'm kind of sort of "curious" about an ESFP.. she caught just before Christmas. I didn't think anything of it though... but she is practically my neighbor.

    I'm unsure of the situation. Part of me wants to initiate with her, but I know I'm a "rough around the edges" ISTJ and I don't know how she would react... she is very feisty too

    The thing I'm worried most about is our difference in maturity. I don't know her THAT well, but from her facebook page and pictures she looks pretty.... wild and outgoing. Whereas, I'm very grounded and stable.

    I see the world as it is, she sees the world as it should be. ...But then again, that's part of what makes her so attractive. So, how does a grounded, stoic, ISTJ win an ESFP heart?

    ALSO... the dreaded valentines day is coming. :(

  6. #25
    ENTP - The Visionaries

    Quote Originally Posted by SuPERNaUT View Post
    Ohh I know what you mean. I am more like you though, the timing seems to have been bad in your case. I wouldn't appreciate that kind of treatment either if it means anything at all to you.


    It likely mean this person was very unhealthy, it seems like most of us when healthy are very concerned about others and their wellbeing, especially those we care about, and will go way out of our way to live up to that to the point of exhaustion.


    Then my guess must be correct, quite unhealthy...sorry to hear about your experience, we all go through hell at some point and need someone there, you seem to have both needed someone at exactly the same time which seems to be what made it really not a good combo. My 2 cents.
    Thanks. Yeah, it was an extremely cool experience, and when things were good, they were damn good. It was beautiful, because we were extremely different, but somehow gave each other what the other didn't have.

    Anyhow, it's over for me, I'm not falling for that text/call/present crap. But it's a shame, really.

    You guys are mad cool, but very hard to deal with. Or maybe I just got the bad apple.
    Neon Knight thanked this post.

  7. #26
    ENTP - The Visionaries

    Quote Originally Posted by NARCO View Post
    OH NO!... I'm kind of sort of "curious" about an ESFP.. she caught just before Christmas. I didn't think anything of it though... but she is practically my neighbor.

    I'm unsure of the situation. Part of me wants to initiate with her, but I know I'm a "rough around the edges" ISTJ and I don't know how she would react... she is very feisty too

    The thing I'm worried most about is our difference in maturity. I don't know her THAT well, but from her facebook page and pictures she looks pretty.... wild and outgoing. Whereas, I'm very grounded and stable.

    I see the world as it is, she sees the world as it should be. ...But then again, that's part of what makes her so attractive. So, how does a grounded, stoic, ISTJ win an ESFP heart?

    ALSO... the dreaded valentines day is coming. :(
    Well, first off, this all would be based on solely my experience, but it was a long experience, and I sound much like you in terms of being stable. I am outgoing though.

    Difference in maturity part sounds strange, because being outgoing doesn't mean you are immature. It just means you're an extrovert, which her type should tell you anyhow.

    ESFP's, from my experience, are like a kid in an ice cream shop, who will try every flavor before they pick their own. And when they do pick it, they'll pick it totally randomly. What I mean is, they are extremely curious, maybe way too much. So I don't think she would be curious if you and her weren't different and didn't work differently.

    And to win the heart, make surprises happen (they are suckers for surprises and little displays of attention). And don't assume she is less mature than you because she goes out. If you
    'll respect her quirks she will respect yours. And you'll idscover that she has quite a bit of them. But if you don't go for it, you won't win it
    Neon Knight thanked this post.

  8. #27
    Unknown Personality

    Quote Originally Posted by mars6988 View Post
    Thanks. Yeah, it was an extremely cool experience, and when things were good, they were damn good. It was beautiful, because we were extremely different, but somehow gave each other what the other didn't have.

    Anyhow, it's over for me, I'm not falling for that text/call/present crap. But it's a shame, really.

    You guys are mad cool, but very hard to deal with. Or maybe I just got the bad apple.
    I think lots of people are superficial in their relationships and when they realize what they lost they panic and do things like that. Don't think it's a type thing, just unhealthy behaviour/attitude.

  9. #28
    ISTJ - The Duty Fulfillers

    Quote Originally Posted by mars6988 View Post
    Well, first off, this all would be based on solely my experience, but it was a long experience, and I sound much like you in terms of being stable. I am outgoing though.

    Difference in maturity part sounds strange, because being outgoing doesn't mean you are immature. It just means you're an extrovert, which her type should tell you anyhow.

    ESFP's, from my experience, are like a kid in an ice cream shop, who will try every flavor before they pick their own. And when they do pick it, they'll pick it totally randomly. What I mean is, they are extremely curious, maybe way too much. So I don't think she would be curious if you and her weren't different and didn't work differently.

    And to win the heart, make surprises happen (they are suckers for surprises and little displays of attention). And don't assume she is less mature than you because she goes out. If you
    'll respect her quirks she will respect yours. And you'll idscover that she has quite a bit of them. But if you don't go for it, you won't win it
    haha! Yes! Kid in a candy store is a very good way of describing them! I think you are right, maturity is the wrong word. We definitely have the same core values, which is a plus, and we have the same political views. =)

    Hmm.... surprises? ISTJ= predictability.
    Neon Knight thanked this post.

  10. #29
    Unknown Personality

    Curiosity is my middle name :)

  11. #30
    ENTP - The Visionaries

    Quote Originally Posted by SuPERNaUT View Post
    Curiosity is my middle name :)
    I figured, based on your type + signature picture

    Unless it's actually one of those American things and your parents made your middle name a word they liked. But I hope not
    Neon Knight thanked this post.


     
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