This is a discussion on ESFP's and relationships within the ESFP Forum - The Performers forums, part of the SP's Temperament Forum- The Creators category; Originally Posted by defragmybrain Been dating my ISTJ for over a year. Why would you ever want to date one ...
So I thought I'd put in my 2 cents.
I dated an ESFP for over 2 years, and based on type compatibility, that itself is a miracle. I think it's the riddle we were to each other that kept the insane attraction going. I can't say that I understood the fellow ESFP, but I got used to the mad moodswings, bursts of confidence and lack of confidence, getting distracted and forgetting dates/to eat/to put on underwear/promises, needing space and just learned to love those things, until all of the above went south.
Me, being an ENTJ , I show love by being there when someone needs me. Eventually the ESFP started needing "space" when I was having the toughest times (i.e. my mom got cancer), which is obviously when I needed the support from my partner the most. The partner was nowhere to be found and seemed to think that buying me lunch/something expensive made up for not being there when I needed them.
When things totally cracked down the middle, the ESFP explained it to me the following way: I knew them too well and loved them too much.
Perhaps if I ask you ESFPs this, you'd have an answer to what the hell that even means.
My ex still sends me bday presents/calls/texts and tells me constantly they'll never have anyone better than me.
Yet they don't do anything about it, and I sure won't after all that happened.
So, what are your thoughts?
OH NO!... I'm kind of sort of "curious" about an ESFP.. she caught just before Christmas. I didn't think anything of it though... but she is practically my neighbor.
I'm unsure of the situation. Part of me wants to initiate with her, but I know I'm a "rough around the edges" ISTJ and I don't know how she would react... she is very feisty too
The thing I'm worried most about is our difference in maturity. I don't know her THAT well, but from her facebook page and pictures she looks pretty.... wild and outgoing. Whereas, I'm very grounded and stable.
I see the world as it is, she sees the world as it should be. ...But then again, that's part of what makes her so attractive. So, how does a grounded, stoic, ISTJ win an ESFP heart?
ALSO... the dreaded valentines day is coming. :(
Anyhow, it's over for me, I'm not falling for that text/call/present crap. But it's a shame, really.
You guys are mad cool, but very hard to deal with. Or maybe I just got the bad apple.
Difference in maturity part sounds strange, because being outgoing doesn't mean you are immature. It just means you're an extrovert, which her type should tell you anyhow.
ESFP's, from my experience, are like a kid in an ice cream shop, who will try every flavor before they pick their own. And when they do pick it, they'll pick it totally randomly. What I mean is, they are extremely curious, maybe way too much. So I don't think she would be curious if you and her weren't different and didn't work differently.
And to win the heart, make surprises happen (they are suckers for surprises and little displays of attention). And don't assume she is less mature than you because she goes out. If you
'll respect her quirks she will respect yours. And you'll idscover that she has quite a bit of them. But if you don't go for it, you won't win it
Curiosity is my middle name :)