[ESFP] Do You Have A Problem With Keeping Intrest After Sex? - Page 2

Do You Have A Problem With Keeping Intrest After Sex?

Hello Guest! Sign up to join the discussion below...
Page 2 of 3 FirstFirst 1 2 3 LastLast
Results 11 to 20 of 25
Thank Tree42Thanks

This is a discussion on Do You Have A Problem With Keeping Intrest After Sex? within the ESFP Forum - The Performers forums, part of the SP's Temperament Forum- The Creators category; I've actually just realized today that I do have this problem. It's like we've done everything, now what? There's nothing ...

  1. #11

    I've actually just realized today that I do have this problem. It's like we've done everything, now what? There's nothing to happen next, so it's time to move on to the next partner, and repeat the cycle.
    dulcinea thanked this post.

  2. #12

    Not true, there is always more stuff to do. you're an ESFP and you can't come up with fun stuff to do? Come on, I don't believe that.

    Unless your whole life revolves around getting laid, there is always stuff to do.

    I wonder if some people in this thread would be better off not calling it a relationship, but seeing it as a more friends who have sex kind of thing. I am surprised our type has this narrow a view on relationships.

  3. #13
    ESFP - The Performers

    Quote Originally Posted by Yeahright View Post
    Not true, there is always more stuff to do. you're an ESFP and you can't come up with fun stuff to do? Come on, I don't believe that.

    Unless your whole life revolves around getting laid, there is always stuff to do.

    I wonder if some people in this thread would be better off not calling it a relationship, but seeing it as a more friends who have sex kind of thing. I am surprised our type has this narrow a view on relationships.
    Correction: Plenty of fun things to do and easy to plan with a group of people. Just one person though? It's like suddenly way too much pressure to find something that will keep them entertained. So the fall back option that seems safe is "hey, I think we had fun having sex once right?" And as an added bonus, no risk of accidentally talking and completely killing the mood if you say something wrong. There's gotta be something to this whole, one-on-one thing being terrifying but in group settings (with presumed lower expectations) being easy to navigate through.
    dulcinea thanked this post.

  4. #14

    Quote Originally Posted by EveryoneWillBeDanzing View Post
    Correction: Plenty of fun things to do and easy to plan with a group of people. Just one person though? It's like suddenly way too much pressure to find something that will keep them entertained. So the fall back option that seems safe is "hey, I think we had fun having sex once right?" And as an added bonus, no risk of accidentally talking and completely killing the mood if you say something wrong. There's gotta be something to this whole, one-on-one thing being terrifying but in group settings (with presumed lower expectations) being easy to navigate through.
    Ok I see what you mean. Well it's like making friends, surely you've done some one on one stuff with new friends right? And yeah it's weird, groups are much easier. One on one kinda psychs me out. Other people can fill in the gaps in a group.
    dulcinea, Max and EveryoneWillBeDanzing thanked this post.

  5. #15
    INFJ


    @EveryoneWillBeDanzing , maybe it's because you're not quite ready for what comes with a relationship after the sex. Afterward, it can become, in a sense, routine, stuff like maybe she has a drawer, and you have a toothbrush, sometimes meeting the families, becomes a part of the deal, you might have date nights that involve shopping together, cooking together, doing social things together, and the idea is that it's supposed to all culminate to growing together.

    Physical intimacy is easy when you think about it. All you have to do is take your clothes off, and embrace each other for a period of time. Emotional intimacy, however, is really hard. Is there a part of you, that holds back a little emotionally, in relationships. Are you sometimes afraid of opening up in that sense? I find, while it only takes a moment to get to know a person carnally, to really know a person, their ins and out, their dreams and fears, and aspirations, takes a lifetime, but some people are just worth getting to know much more than others. Maybe you haven't found that person that you really want to get to know at an emotional level, perhaps? Just some ideas that I'm throwing out.
    Yeahright and EveryoneWillBeDanzing thanked this post.

  6. #16
    ESFP - The Performers

    Quote Originally Posted by dulcinea View Post
    @EveryoneWillBeDanzing , maybe it's because you're not quite ready for what comes with a relationship after the sex. Afterward, it can become, in a sense, routine, stuff like maybe she has a drawer, and you have a toothbrush, sometimes meeting the families, becomes a part of the deal, you might have date nights that involve shopping together, cooking together, doing social things together, and the idea is that it's supposed to all culminate to growing together.

    Physical intimacy is easy when you think about it. All you have to do is take your clothes off, and embrace each other for a period of time. Emotional intimacy, however, is really hard. Is there a part of you, that holds back a little emotionally, in relationships. Are you sometimes afraid of opening up in that sense? I find, while it only takes a moment to get to know a person carnally, to really know a person, their ins and out, their dreams and fears, and aspirations, takes a lifetime, but some people are just worth getting to know much more than others. Maybe you haven't found that person that you really want to get to know at an emotional level, perhaps? Just some ideas that I'm throwing out.

    That's that damn r-word that scares the hell out of me. Routine. It scares me to feel like those emotions just slowly get sucked out and die when it kicks in. I've never been at a spot in life where I was happy with routine. If it was unavoidable (school, job, etc.) I could only go through with it by keeping myself busy and distracted with anything else. This works fine I imagine with a boss who only pays you $7.35 and for a class you were just gonna skip anyway. But I get the feeling it doesn't work so well with people. Maybe I'm wrong? But I'm afraid of treating someone like they become "just routine". If I'm not having fun with someone immediately or we're not doing a fun thing, I can be with them but just mentally checkout. I sense that's incredible selfish of me but i can't help it. So as soon as something starts to reek of "routine" I think it's nicer to end things. And because I think this way, I start to fear EVERYONE thinks this way and hello world of wondering "how long is it till she just gets bored of me, anyway?"

    That I think ties into what you said. I loved that part about how easy it is to get to know someone physically (make them laugh, flirt, realize you have the same taste in music and both think the others sexy, and the rest just kinda solves itself). But the emotional connection is just so freaking scary. I tend to keep people on the surface level as it is. Even friends. Anything deeper runs the risk of suddenly being less then perfect. Or worse someone getting bored with my antics. I'd rather keep a sanitized ideal version of someone in my head then risk getting to know them on a deeper level. Because the door swings both ways. For all the ESFP talk of getting bored with people, I think this is a reflection of our deepest fear. That bellow the surface level we're really just not that interesting. And after the laughs and sex are over, people will get bored with us.

  7. #17

    @EveryoneWillBeDanzing

    For all the ESFP talk of getting bored with people, I think this is a reflection of our deepest fear. That bellow the surface level we're really just not that interesting. And after the laughs and sex are over, people will get bored with us.
    Yes, this is it for me.

  8. #18
    INFJ


    Quote Originally Posted by EveryoneWillBeDanzing View Post
    That's that damn r-word that scares the hell out of me. Routine. It scares me to feel like those emotions just slowly get sucked out and die when it kicks in. I've never been at a spot in life where I was happy with routine. If it was unavoidable (school, job, etc.) I could only go through with it by keeping myself busy and distracted with anything else. This works fine I imagine with a boss who only pays you $7.35 and for a class you were just gonna skip anyway. But I get the feeling it doesn't work so well with people. Maybe I'm wrong? But I'm afraid of treating someone like they become "just routine". If I'm not having fun with someone immediately or we're not doing a fun thing, I can be with them but just mentally checkout. I sense that's incredible selfish of me but i can't help it. So as soon as something starts to reek of "routine" I think it's nicer to end things. And because I think this way, I start to fear EVERYONE thinks this way and hello world of wondering "how long is it till she just gets bored of me, anyway?"

    That I think ties into what you said. I loved that part about how easy it is to get to know someone physically (make them laugh, flirt, realize you have the same taste in music and both think the others sexy, and the rest just kinda solves itself). But the emotional connection is just so freaking scary. I tend to keep people on the surface level as it is. Even friends. Anything deeper runs the risk of suddenly being less then perfect. Or worse someone getting bored with my antics. I'd rather keep a sanitized ideal version of someone in my head then risk getting to know them on a deeper level. Because the door swings both ways. For all the ESFP talk of getting bored with people, I think this is a reflection of our deepest fear. That bellow the surface level we're really just not that interesting. And after the laughs and sex are over, people will get bored with us.
    Love does change over the years. When you've been married to someone over the years, it's less of a dopamine high, and more of an oxytocin high. Those feelings of excitement get taken over by feelings of familiarity. But it doesn't mean you love a person any less. In fact, many couples admit to loving each other more and more every day. I think the movies kinda mess up our view of romance, too, like it's supposed to be this great larger than life thing, when, often it's comprised of thousands of tiny moments.

    As far as routine goes, unfortunately, routine is an inevitable part of life. If we didn't have routine, we'd be ridden with germs and cavities from not showering or brushing our teeth regularly, nobody would make any money, because every job has some level of routine to it, and everyone who has had any schooling has been through a great deal of routine. It doesn't always have to be a bad thing, and it doesn't necessarily mean you're doomed to do the exact same thing every day. Sometimes having a person be part of your routine, just means that they're a part of your life.

    I find it interesting that we reveal the more profound truths about ourselves toward the end of the paragraph. I wonder if this is common with ESFPs, fearing that people will not like what they see when they really get to know them, because I've heard something like this before. I believe there is very little more painful than when you really open up to someone and they end up rejecting you. I've heard things said like "I end up feeling worthless", so it's a really hard thing to face, so I don't really blame you for fearing being put in that position. I guess it just comes down to if you think that the potential payoff is worth the risk. Because relationships are extremely risky ventures. There's never any guarantee that the person who loves you today will love you tomorrow, or decide to run off with the pool boy.

  9. #19
    ESFP - The Performers

    Quote Originally Posted by dulcinea View Post
    Love does change over the years. When you've been married to someone over the years, it's less of a dopamine high, and more of an oxytocin high. Those feelings of excitement get taken over by feelings of familiarity. But it doesn't mean you love a person any less. In fact, many couples admit to loving each other more and more every day. I think the movies kinda mess up our view of romance, too, like it's supposed to be this great larger than life thing, when, often it's comprised of thousands of tiny moments.

    As far as routine goes, unfortunately, routine is an inevitable part of life. If we didn't have routine, we'd be ridden with germs and cavities from not showering or brushing our teeth regularly, nobody would make any money, because every job has some level of routine to it, and everyone who has had any schooling has been through a great deal of routine. It doesn't always have to be a bad thing, and it doesn't necessarily mean you're doomed to do the exact same thing every day. Sometimes having a person be part of your routine, just means that they're a part of your life.

    I find it interesting that we reveal the more profound truths about ourselves toward the end of the paragraph. I wonder if this is common with ESFPs, fearing that people will not like what they see when they really get to know them, because I've heard something like this before. I believe there is very little more painful than when you really open up to someone and they end up rejecting you. I've heard things said like "I end up feeling worthless", so it's a really hard thing to face, so I don't really blame you for fearing being put in that position. I guess it just comes down to if you think that the potential payoff is worth the risk. Because relationships are extremely risky ventures. There's never any guarantee that the person who loves you today will love you tomorrow, or decide to run off with the pool boy.
    This actually read ore positive the more I read it. I especially loved the bolded part. I never thought of it that way. I mean yes, technically by the Webster definition routine IS doing the same thing over and over again for the rest of your life. But if take that definition and visualize in a diffrent way, the way you phrased it. Someone's just part of your life. And life is awesomely an unpredictable mess, so no chance getting bored there :) It's a bit like imaging having a co-poilt, the same one for a long period of time but going to new places everyday. Building a familiarity with someone. Granted I have no idea if this metaphor even remotley holds up (hello, longest relationship burning out after a year!), but it helps me understand where you're coming from :)

    And on that last note, yes. That's what honestly scares me in so many relationships and why I feel like i concisely hold back or tell myself I'm getting bored. If someone rejects you but you haven't given them the flesh and blood you, it's like yiou chose to fail as opposed to trying hard and then failing. But if you take that chance to maybe not be quite so entertaining, and try to deal with that loud silence..my fear is that the pool boy is infinitely more interesting in silence then I could ever hope to be with a thousand words.

    I suspect there's no other way to get around this fear other then just try to risk being myself and not be afraid of that rejection. That's the answer regardless of what type you are. But as an ESFP, the kind of person who prides themselves on their ability to relate and connect to people on the surface. It really is scary to worry that you've got nothing real beneath the surface to offer that will ever be as interesting as the you that"s "on".

    It's what i really admire about you INFJ's (and the reason alot of my chosen friends seem to be apparently). You have this depth that just exists almost effortlessly, and you're great listeners with amazingly helpful feedback to boot.

  10. #20
    INFJ


    Quote Originally Posted by EveryoneWillBeDanzing View Post
    This actually read ore positive the more I read it. I especially loved the bolded part. I never thought of it that way. I mean yes, technically by the Webster definition routine IS doing the same thing over and over again for the rest of your life. But if take that definition and visualize in a diffrent way, the way you phrased it. Someone's just part of your life. And life is awesomely an unpredictable mess, so no chance getting bored there :) It's a bit like imaging having a co-poilt, the same one for a long period of time but going to new places everyday. Building a familiarity with someone. Granted I have no idea if this metaphor even remotley holds up (hello, longest relationship burning out after a year!), but it helps me understand where you're coming from :)

    And on that last note, yes. That's what honestly scares me in so many relationships and why I feel like i concisely hold back or tell myself I'm getting bored. If someone rejects you but you haven't given them the flesh and blood you, it's like yiou chose to fail as opposed to trying hard and then failing. But if you take that chance to maybe not be quite so entertaining, and try to deal with that loud silence..my fear is that the pool boy is infinitely more interesting in silence then I could ever hope to be with a thousand words.

    I suspect there's no other way to get around this fear other then just try to risk being myself and not be afraid of that rejection. That's the answer regardless of what type you are. But as an ESFP, the kind of person who prides themselves on their ability to relate and connect to people on the surface. It really is scary to worry that you've got nothing real beneath the surface to offer that will ever be as interesting as the you that"s "on".

    It's what i really admire about you INFJ's (and the reason alot of my chosen friends seem to be apparently). You have this depth that just exists almost effortlessly, and you're great listeners with amazingly helpful feedback to boot.
    Thanks. I always say that INFJs are the people who have more insight on how to improve everyone's lives but their own haha. I think that's our tragic flaw. The ESFP's tragic flaw is that you guys absolutely LOVE everyone but yourselves. Something I hear from pretty much every ESFP I've ever known is, basically the equivalent of "I need someone to love me!" but they don't have much love for themselves.

    The guy I dated was a complete mess with that kinda thing. But he was abused as a child so it probably gave him the message that he's not worthy of being loved, and he probably feels like he needs someone to prove him wrong, and that'll make him happy, when he ends up sabotaging any decent relationships out of fear, and because of the self fulfilling prophecy.

    On another note, I believe Peter Sellers..idk if you guys heard of him...was an ESFP


    the reason why I mention Peter Sellers, is because if you look him up, he was a very funny comedic actor who played an array of roles, but something he always stated was that he felt he had no identity beyond the roles he played, and that was probably a result of his fears and insecurities. That sounds very ESFP to me. I find ESFPs tend to get lost in the people they care a lot about, and who are the dearest to them. They can be chameleonlike and, sometimes lose their sense of identity in getting caught up in trying to please or make an impression on others. That's probably Se-Te looping. I find ESFPs often don't really explore their introvert side. Fi is so important. You guys are capable of having so much insight into what you want, and what you like, and what you value, but I find ESFPs often spin their wheels between Se and Te and this whole wanting to get into how everyone else thinks mentality.

    In short, if you don't feel very interesting, it's probably time to take more of an interest in yourself, and look into what subjects or activities do you find interesting? What are your values, likes dislikes, etc. ? Not everyone will find what you find interesting interesting, but that's cool. At least when you know yourself better, you'll have a better idea of what kind of people you want to attract and what to do or talk about when you do attract them...

    Don't grow up to be Peter Sellers.
    EveryoneWillBeDanzing thanked this post.


     
Page 2 of 3 FirstFirst 1 2 3 LastLast

Similar Threads

  1. [INFJ] Fellow INFJ has your high sex drive been a problem in your relationships?
    By INFJGirlie in forum INFJ Forum - The Protectors
    Replies: 115
    Last Post: 06-05-2015, 07:07 AM
  2. [ENFP] I'm not sure if this is an INFJ problem, an ENFP problem, or a Me Problem
    By InspectorDoohickey in forum ENFP Forum - The Inspirers
    Replies: 15
    Last Post: 09-16-2014, 12:02 AM
  3. [INFP] Major problem I have with the opposite sex
    By Btaim in forum INFP Forum - The Idealists
    Replies: 71
    Last Post: 12-31-2013, 10:22 PM
  4. Replies: 0
    Last Post: 04-15-2013, 12:00 PM
  5. Replies: 14
    Last Post: 11-18-2008, 09:54 PM

Tags for this Thread

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  
All times are GMT -7. The time now is 12:47 AM.
Information provided on the site is meant to complement and not replace any advice or information from a health professional.
© 2014 PersonalityCafe
 

SEO by vBSEO 3.6.0