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ESFP and INFP

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This is a discussion on ESFP and INFP within the ESFP Forum - The Performers forums, part of the SP's Temperament Forum- The Creators category; Originally Posted by jamieswafford I'm brand new here - and am an ESFP female who has two very dear INFP ...

  1. #51

    Quote Originally Posted by jamieswafford View Post
    I'm brand new here - and am an ESFP female who has two very dear INFP friends. One male and one female. They have strengths that I lack and vice-versa. We tend to work well togther - esp the female. The male and I have problems at times. The female loves me for who I am - the male has different feelings for me (and I for him) and he seems to want to make me become him. I think it must be a male dominate thing. My husband was ISFJ and he spent most of my lifetime trying to make me become him. Which is partly why I finally left him.

    As to your ESFP female - we tend to be very sensitive - especially to criticism. And you sound very disaproving of her. It would be very difficult to trust someone who doesn't like who we are. We live in the moment - which is one of our strengths. You seem to see it only as something to dislike. INFP live in the present and the future - which should be what you have to offer the relationship. She takes care of the day-to-day right now things - you take care of the future.

    I love to sleep - when I can - seldom getting more than 5 or 6 hours a night. I work one full-time job, several self-employed jobs - and volunteer for numerous community service organizations. I work my ass off - and then do absolutely nothing to re-charge my batteries.

    Some ESFPs are irresponsible - others are very dependable. We love to make people laugh and will do whatever we can to lighten up a situation - we hate conflict of any kind. But, don't dismiss us as light weights. Idealists and Rationals tend to look down their noses at Artisans.

    You sound like this is what you are doing to this female who interests you. Why would she trust you if that's how you feel about her?

    And yes, we do tend to look at the practicle aspects of any project. One ENFP was planning an event in our very small community - 500 people. She wanted it to be HUGE - the Rose Bowl. She was terrifying - since I'd worked other events with her - allowing her to do the planning while I did the actual work. After a year of this I became the nay-sayer. After four years I walked away from the organization - everyone else did too one by one - she wore us all out - used us all up.

    Dreams are wonderful. But, eventually reality has to be factored into the equation. You don't start with the Rose Bowl in a small town - you start small and build up to it. Idealists - in my experience - see where they want to be and want to be there NOW. We see the work it will take to get there. And maybe we aren't willing to do that work.

    My INFP female friend will tell me her dreams. Because I learned about MBTI 6 years ago I now understand about different types. I am my friends biggest cheerleader. She calls me her affirming friend. She never hears a negative word from me - until she steps away from the world of dreams and into the world of reality and asks me to tell her the steps to get where she wants to go. She doesn't ask the question if she doesn't want the answer. ; )

    ESFP hear everything as the immediate - not realizing that some things aren't meant to happen for years and years - we think you want it done today - right now - and that can scare the heck out of us at times.

    Does your ESFP friend know about MBTI? And is she willing to learn to work within the needs of other types. Can she allow you to dream - as long as you both understand it's only a dream? Are you willing to listen to the logical steps to get where you want to be and to be honest about the difficulty?

    And maybe she just doesn't want to go where you want to lead.
    I had a crush on a ESFP in college. She was always nice, affirming, very charming, well spoken, eloquent, friendly, upbeat, quick witted, had a good sense of humor and inviting. I was always happy to see her, as she brightened up my day every time I saw her and was always encouraging to me if she saw I needed help. I haven't seen her in over six months, since she graduated, but I really enjoy her company every time I see her at reunions. She is very responsible with children and fun with kids, which I find adorable.
    Ryosuke93 thanked this post.

  2. #52
    ESFP


    I'm an ESFP female, I can relate to some of what you described your friend to be however, I recently took a cognitive functions test and although I use my Se the most - Fi,Si,Ti & Ne I also use very highly and I can tell they are all very presently used, I wouldn't agree about being careless I personally am really careful about everything I do and tend to think through things a lot, almost over thinking, I can be lazy and procrastinate but I'd much rather be working and doing stuff all the time and I much prefer documentaries and interesting programs on television over drama shows, I can't stand drama in the shows everything is so over dramatic and blown out of proportion. Maybe I sound like a developed ESFP, I dont know? But I am only 18.

    I definitely know 3 INFP females but no INFP males, to be completely honest the INFP's get on my nut majority of the time. There is always something about them that annoys me. The ones I know well vary in some ways that they are. But me and my ENFP sister find INFP's the easiest to identify, I can spot an INFP within a couple minutes of observing them they are so obvious. However, with their well developed Fi, I really respect them and sometimes I need them to help me develop my Fi, help remind me what is really important to me and that is what I feel and my core values. I find INFP's to be picky about things, about people, overly judgemental sometimes and overly bothered by something that is so minor and they can be negative about it and I really struggle to get along with that or sometimes they can be totally careless and oblivious. Also they seem so self obsessed and I can't tolerate that, they sometimes make careless decisions just focusing on themselves and are very selfish but without intending to be. They can have a very sweet nature and be very caring and try to be empathetic, and are better at it than I find ENFP's to be! I also find INFP's next actions to be very readable! I can literally figure out in my head whilst observing their current being, what one of them is going to do next and I'll be pretty much or totally right, but I am strangely quite good at reading people and predicting what they'll do next maybe its Se? Especially when they are trying to be manipulative or get things their way they are easiest to read then.

    To put it best I feel like the INFP is the ESFP's frienemy, like Regina George from Mean Girls? lol you love them and you hate them. There are things about them that I genuinely can't tolerate but when you look past those things there is a side to them that I really value.

    Edit: Also this is my own personal experience with INFP's and they're all female, and with other types I find there to be differences depending on gender. And with 2 of them who I would say use their Fi in a more self obsessed way I've never clicked with them I feel like they are uninteresting and they're also uninterested in me, doesnt mean they are though. But the 1 who uses her Fi as like her moral compass and to define who she is and how she feels about things and sticks with it, I really appreciate and click with well and she is also very affectionate like me which is nice :)
    Last edited by maihxo; 11-15-2016 at 11:47 AM.

  3. #53

    I think I could definitely fall for an I*FP, but sometimes worry they might be too mean to me IRL. Polar Te is no joke. And their discerning eyes which judge people so harshly sometimes (but i often trust), would be an issue if used against me. Yet, despite that thought, I still tend to respect and admire these types for their strong core and almost stoicness.

    Not so long ago, I thought I was an ISFP but I'm starting to notice more of the differences now. Perceiver vs judger (introverted judger i*fp). Explorer vs compass. I thought if anything, an isfp x esfp relationship could be more ideal due to similar ways of perception...but lately, like last night lol, I was wondering more about this new infp celeb crush I had and wondering how that could work out if I met one I liked IRL. I had female friends who tested as infp before...but I always felt sucked into their world, their thoughts and feelings, life issues, dreams and would hang on their words like some faithful pet of theirs. I ended up inspired, but oddly drained....probably too much N and Fi. I also felt compelled to do whatever they wanted, they can be very active people too, but neglected on what I wanted to do...and sometimes when speaking or venting, felt my words were being scrutinized despite their calm faces...probably because as judgers, they have to filter stuff...yet sometimes I just need an open ear. It is like, I can enter your world, but can you enter mine, or would you secretly suppress or belittle it?

    I also found it interesting how they can really spread in range from super zany and unconventional...without a care for what others say...to very traditional, easy to blend in, turn in all their paperwork so perfectly, to be highly regarded at traditional work places, a tad square. Haha. I think that range is amazing and wish I could be so carefree or respected/able to fit in work environments, so happily adjusted. I go into conspiracy theorist mode so often at workplaces, questioning everything, I can't stand being bossed around, and can't always adapt as well to SJ demands. Since infp can switch to istj/estj mode at times, they can get stuff done. I guess that I can appreciate in a relationship, but oh the resentment that would cause to an infp who doesn't probably want to do those things all the time. I figure it can only work out if I were to improve my ability to do *nfp/*stj stuff myself (be more responsible, talk about my feelings and intuition, some planning, respect some traditions, get nostalgic), while they improve the *sfp/*ntj part of themselves (ability to be in the moment, care for house cleanliness, appreciate outer beauty whether in nature or art/music/movies, to really listen without judgment, some realism, question the rules). But of course, don't turn into each other!

    Or maybe we just learn to appreciate our differences and remain as we already are? Be the ultimate ying-yang complements. I think other than respect, admiration is key in a happy relationship. You have to admire your partner, once all you see are huge faults, then I think that bleeds in to how you treat them and the relationship suffers. If mutual admiration naturally disappears after that honeymoon period, then it probably won't be a satisfying relationship for either person in the long run.

    P.S: take all my observations with salt, heaping piles of salt. Lol. I don't know really if the infps I met really are infps. Nor would it apply to everybody.
    Last edited by Ryosuke93; 01-17-2017 at 10:45 AM.

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  5. #54

    I appreciate ESFPs as friends. I like their honesty. I have actually learned the most about how to be a friend from ESFPs in my life. They really know how to just be there for you, listen and care. I am so thankful for this.
    But I could never see myself in a romantic relationship with one.
    Ryosuke93 thanked this post.

  6. #55

    Quote Originally Posted by numbtopain View Post
    I appreciate ESFPs as friends. I like their honesty. I have actually learned the most about how to be a friend from ESFPs in my life. They really know how to just be there for you, listen and care. I am so thankful for this.
    But I could never see myself in a romantic relationship with one.
    And why not? From your descriptionI could only understand, that you like us.

  7. #56

    Quote Originally Posted by The red spirit View Post
    And why not? From your descriptionI could only understand, that you like us.
    Read between the lines. She only sees you as a friend.

  8. #57



    I once read the actors are ESFP x INFP, so I think this vid shows the potential in their relationship. I heard Evanna (Luna) had a crush on Daniel (Harry) IRL during that time. I wish they were paired for the movie.
    Last edited by Ryosuke93; 01-23-2017 at 07:07 AM.
    Memory of Talon thanked this post.

  9. #58
    Unknown

    I agreed more on ESFP, than INFP/ENFP. Maybe I am ISFP, then. Beacause I dont like to party.
    Have checked pages on diffrences between infp/isfp, and seems like I am more a sensor.

  10. #59

    Quote Originally Posted by edge magic View Post
    I agreed more on ESFP, than INFP/ENFP. Maybe I am ISFP, then. Beacause I dont like to party.
    Have checked pages on diffrences between infp/isfp, and seems like I am more a sensor.
    I don't like to party too, but does that make me INTJ? No it doesn't. If you really think, that you may be sensor, then you should consider ESFP type. Too bad, there are some false descriptions of these awesome people, but in ESFP articles on perC you can find pretty good ones. Culture and environment could make you feel, like you are introvert, but that's not necessarily truth. Due to such circumstances I found some ISFP descriptions, that fitted me perfectly. You should really investigate Se function and think if it's your first one or maybe there's something ahead and more important than it for you.


     
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