[ESFP] Male ISFJ in a relationship with Female ESFP?

Male ISFJ in a relationship with Female ESFP?

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This is a discussion on Male ISFJ in a relationship with Female ESFP? within the ESFP Forum - The Performers forums, part of the SP's Temperament Forum- The Creators category; ***NOTE*** I had posted this a few months ago on the ISFJ forum, however I didnt get as much feedback ...

  1. #1
    Unknown Personality

    Male ISFJ in a relationship with Female ESFP?

    I had posted this a few months ago on the ISFJ forum, however I didnt get as much feedback as I would have liked, so I thought I would post it here too! :)

    This is directed at any other Male ISFJ's on this forum, or any female ESFP's that have been in this situation...
    Have any of you ever been in relationships with a female ESFP/male ISFJ? I, for one have been in relationships with more than one Female ESFP and neither of them have worked out. I've always felt like female ESFPs have been drawn to me, although I'm not quite sure why.
    At first, I always seem to connect magnificantly with the female esfp.
    There warm, bubbly, fun loving personality usually puts me at ease and really helps me be myself, and at first I really find myself enjoying spending time with the ESFP and generally connecting wonderfully on an emotional level.

    But ofcourse, as time goes on, it always becomes more and more apparant that things arent going to work out. I become to needy, paranoid, controlling and serious. Especially if the ESFP I'm in a relationship with likes to flirt a bit with other guys. ESFPs like to be spontanious and ISFJs like to plan, that is usually another problem.

    I have also found that ESFPs cannot take the slightest bit of criticism.
    Even if its constructive they view it as a personal attack on their character, there emotional outburts are really hard to deal with.
    Although being an ISFJ, I am also guilty of outbursts of anger.

    I'm just wondering if there are any other Male ISFJs out there that have been in relationships, or have found themselves drawn to Female ESFPs. Or anyone who can help shed some light on to why things just didn't work out.
    I get on really well with a healthy ESFP and I was wondering if there is anything I can do to make a relationship with them WORK?!

    What's the secret to making a healthy female ESFP happy?

    Thanks x
    sriracha, Ryosuke93, Cassieopeia and 2 others thanked this post.

  2. #2

    There really isn't much an ISFJ can say to that, you've already picked out the problems yourself. I think it has something to do with ISFJ's needing constant reassurance that they're loved and appreciated and that ESFP's tend to occupy themselves with whatever happens to be on their mind at that moment, which isn't always their partner. ISFJ's would also get discouraged if the other person doesn't acknowledge their efforts to keep everything up and running and that I find will usually be because ISFJs instinctively work to make their go unnoticed which will obviously happen since ESFPs and most artisans don't really think about hidden meanings when there's so much out there that catches their attention. Also probably that ISFJ's like following rules set out by society while ESFPs seem to hate it. If both sides are willing to tone down a little bit, it would have good chances of working out.
    Thing is, I don't really know how it is with female ESFPs and male ISFJs because it would be the other way around for me.

  3. #3
    Unknown Personality

    Quote Originally Posted by mrgreendots View Post
    There really isn't much an ISFJ can say to that
    haha, exaclty why I have posted it in the ESFP forum ;) Like i said originally, I had posted it in the ISFJ forum a few months ago, only got one or two responses though. Thanks for your input anyways!

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  5. #4
    ISFJ - The Nurturers

    Quote Originally Posted by GlassFight View Post
    haha, exaclty why I have posted it in the ESFP forum ;) Like i said originally, I had posted it in the ISFJ forum a few months ago, only got one or two responses though. Thanks for your input anyways!
    But the ESFP forum has always been quiet too. It is just as quiet as the ISFJ forum.
    Dora thanked this post.

  6. #5
    INTJ - The Scientists

    Don't ever try to control them or manipulate them or they will cheat/ leave you.. Also, they are very "out of sight; out of mind" types. My mom is ESFP.
    Seamaid thanked this post.

  7. #6
    Unknown Personality

    You are talking about the individual person, not ESFPs. I don't understand why people can't understand that about MBTI. It's not black and white how one would like it to be. This is about these people and how the react to the situation. This is also your interpretation of the situation. It is biased and you aren't any kind of angel so don't be placing blame on them.
    taptap, Gossip Ghoul and Sunn thanked this post.

  8. #7
    ENFP - The Inspirers

    One of my best friends is an ESFP and she's currently in a GREAT relationship with an ISFJ guy. She is go-go-go and super social and busy while he is more quiet and tightly wound. They both just chill together, go for hikes and watch true crime TV shows. She brings laughter and excitement to his life and he is grounding and adores her.

    He IS needy but as a strong Feeler, she doesn't mind reassuring him all the time of her devotion. She goes out with her girlfriends a few nights each week while he takes quiet time, and then they have fun laid-back one-on-one nights the other nights. They're both in their 40s and he's divorced, so I think that previous experiences have made them realise what they want and be willing to accept the other's differences.
    Cassieopeia, Seamaid, Dora and 1 others thanked this post.

  9. #8
    Unknown Personality

    ESFP-ISFJ is relations of extinguishment: Extinguishment Relations

  10. #9
    ESFP - The Performers


    I've had a two yrs long relationship with an isfj guy, and im esfp. He broke up with me twice, and now i dont think we will get back together. Actually, he broke up with me coz he needed more "freedom and etc".
    My experience is that he and I were and still are, abit like soul mates. We understand each other so extremely well, have the same kinda humour and everything, and the sex was great. But, I think, both being so emotional and sort of sensitive can be a problem. And when he was down, he turned inwards and I couldnt reach him, and that made me feel very bad. And the opposite, when I was down, I was very expressive about it, but of course in a too dramatic and harsh kinda way. So he started to feeling low bcoz of that, and then, the feeling quickly passed for me, while he was still feeling low about it, and that kinda annoyed me that he couldnt move on faster after an argument...

    thats part of my personal experience
    Dora thanked this post.

  11. #10

    What makes a healthy ESFP happy, I'm sure, varies from person to person. I know a couple that I'm pretty sure is an ISFJ male and ESFP female and I can say how they're relationship works out, but it might not necessarily be true of everyone.
    First of all, they share a lot of common interests, so they do a lot of things together that they both enjoy like camping, and photography.

    Also, I find he still gets on her nerves sometimes when he coddles her, like when he makes sure she buckles up when they're in the car or makes sure she rests up or takes her medicine when she's sick. He seems to have a pretty mommy-like personality; she seems to have a more care-free childlike personality, though she is mature and responsible. But I find he's the kind of person who focuses on the positive. He looks for things about her to praise her on. I find there's a lot of times when he just lets things roll off his back; he can be pretty mellow about things.

    But upbringing might make a difference too, because she had a really good upbringing too. He and her dad have a lot of common tendencies, except he's quieter.
    Seamaid thanked this post.

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