[ESFP] HELP ESFP girls!! INTP guy bowled over by an ESFP girl!! disaster!!

HELP ESFP girls!! INTP guy bowled over by an ESFP girl!! disaster!!

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This is a discussion on HELP ESFP girls!! INTP guy bowled over by an ESFP girl!! disaster!! within the ESFP Forum - The Performers forums, part of the SP's Temperament Forum- The Creators category; Hey ESFP folks, I'm an INTP. She chased me, she was persistent, I fell in love! Now she wants to ...

  1. #1
    INTP

    HELP ESFP girls!! INTP guy bowled over by an ESFP girl!! disaster!!

    Hey ESFP folks,

    I'm an INTP. She chased me, she was persistent, I fell in love! Now she wants to be just friends all this in just 3 months...

    She maintained right from the start she wants friends with benefits nothing serious, I said that's cool with me. We had the most amazing time together. Cooking, Laughing, watching movies etc. We had many misunderstandings leading to many fights but we kept at it. She told me now she wants to take things slow and easy with me. I told her I love her after the first month and she believes me. I am a bit intense with everything I do. I love, fight and have fun all in high intensity. She has said nobody makes her laugh as much as I do. There were times she's clung on to me for her life while laughing almost having a seizure of sorts. I want her back as at least friends with benefits. I have gone through constant messaging phase. Now we're cordial. I went through a LOT of pain.


    She has told me she loves the way her sweater smells of me, made up imaginary scenarios including me and her family (she loves her family a lot), she is the youngest of 4 children. We have a lot of fun together. I want that back. I want her back. We still msg at least once a day. I told her after she said just friends from now that I'm insulted byt that and I'm not interested but she was VERY insistent we remain friends cause she loves doing all the stuff together just not the physical part. We didn't even have sex till the second month cause she doesn't do it so soon and I'm the only guy she has broken the rule for and I believe her But lots and lots of make out in that period.

    I'm 27 she's 25

    Please advise.

    Oh and right now she has gone back to her home for her vacation and will be back on the 6th of jan. She has also said I've been the only source of extreme happiness and extreme sadness in this town that we both study in.
    Last edited by Avi_D; 12-30-2015 at 07:29 AM.



  2. #2

    Quote Originally Posted by Avi_D View Post
    Hey ESFP folks,

    I'm an INTP. She chased me, she was persistent, I fell in love! Now she wants to be just friends all this in just 3 months...

    She maintained right from the start she wants friends with benefits nothing serious, I said that's cool with me. We had the most amazing time together. Cooking, Laughing, watching movies etc. We had many misunderstandings leading to many fights but we kept at it. She told me now she wants to take things slow and easy with me. I told her I love her after the first month and she believes me. I am a bit intense with everything I do. I love, fight and have fun all in high intensity. She has said nobody makes her laugh as much as I do. There were times she's clung on to me for her life while laughing almost having a seizure of sorts. I want her back as at least friends with benefits. I have gone through constant messaging phase. Now we're cordial. I went through a LOT of pain.


    She has told me she loves the way her sweater smells of me, made up imaginary scenarios including me and her family (she loves her family a lot), she is the youngest of 4 children. We have a lot of fun together. I want that back. I want her back. We still msg at least once a day. I told her after she said just friends from now that I'm insulted byt that and I'm not interested but she was VERY insistent we remain friends cause she loves doing all the stuff together just not the physical part. We didn't even have sex till the second month cause she doesn't do it so soon and I'm the only guy she has broken the rule for and I believe her But lots and lots of make out in that period.

    I'm 27 she's 25

    Please advise.

    Oh and right now she has gone back to her home for her vacation and will be back on the 6th of jan. She has also said I've been the only source of extreme happiness and extreme sadness in this town that we both study in.
    You talk a lot about what you want, have you considered it might not be what she wants?

    She wants to stay friends, you want to be friends with benefits. Drop the benefits and you both want the same thing.

  3. #3
    INTP - The Thinkers

    I've seen this pattern before. She'll try to make you a friend and then slowly grow ever more distant from you, and you'll possibly start to feel like you're just being used or cuckolded somehow. If you no longer feel a sense of friendship with her and feel rejected, you have no obligation to be her friend. I don't think it works out to be friends with people you were romantically involved with anyway, it just keep weird feelings and hopes alive that have no chance of ever being realized again. Just cut her loose and go find someone else who might be interested in a relationship with you.
    INTP user thanked this post.

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  5. #4

    Quote Originally Posted by Avi_D View Post
    Snip.
    So, basically, what you're asking is this; "I want you guys to help me convince my ESFP fuckbuddy to have sex with me again even though she made very clear she only wants to be friends, without the benefits.
    Please, oh please, give me the magic key to her heart so she can be all mine again."
    Right...

    Regardless of her being an ESFP, just ignore her for a while.
    You seem needy and desperate at the moment, so take a while off, cool down a bit, jerk off some, take a cold shower.
    Then, after the horny has waned, see if she's texted you back after, say, 1 or 2 weeks.
    If she has, be a friend and just see where it goes, if she hasn't, move the hell on and never look back.

    ESFP's generally evaluate their feelings for someone by the day, if she feels rejected then she might try to 'regain' your affection again.
    There's enough tips going around from various pick-up gurus that you probably won't be able to miss when you start looking for it- lots and lots of information about how to 'de-value' and 'disqualify' someone like this.
    That is, that's if you're into 'emotional blackmailing' and 'psychological torture/warfare', your choice.

    The other option is to just man the hell up and spend this energy to find someone more worthy of your love, because she obviously isn't.
    INTP user and Mapple thanked this post.

  6. #5
    INTP

    Quote Originally Posted by The Name View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by Avi_D View Post
    Snip.
    So, basically, what you're asking is this; "I want you guys to help me convince my ESFP fuckbuddy to have sex with me again even though she made very clear she only wants to be friends, without the benefits.
    Please, oh please, give me the magic key to her heart so she can be all mine again."
    Right...

    Regardless of her being an ESFP, just ignore her for a while.
    You seem needy and desperate at the moment, so take a while off, cool down a bit, jerk off some, take a cold shower.
    Then, after the horny has waned, see if she's texted you back after, say, 1 or 2 weeks.
    If she has, be a friend and just see where it goes, if she hasn't, move the hell on and never look back.

    ESFP's generally evaluate their feelings for someone by the day, if she feels rejected then she might try to 'regain' your affection again.
    There's enough tips going around from various pick-up gurus that you probably won't be able to miss when you start looking for it- lots and lots of information about how to 'de-value' and 'disqualify' someone like this.
    That is, that's if you're into 'emotional blackmailing' and 'psychological torture/warfare', your choice.

    The other option is to just man the hell up and spend this energy to find someone more worthy of your love, because she obviously isn't.
    Sex was what happened eventually cause we were so close it's not my ultimate aim! I'm really good at getting laid so that's not the problem. All I want is to be on same terms as we were before! I know all about the advice gurus give and makes sense but being an INTP I want it all back not by manipulation but cause it's natural! She's a bit juvenile to understand what relationships are and the work it needs! I just want an insight into her brain and how she works! Plus I wanna know if ENFP's are headstrong then I'll not get my hopes high.

  7. #6

    Quote Originally Posted by Avi_D View Post
    Sex was what happened eventually cause we were so close it's not my ultimate aim! I'm really good at getting laid so that's not the problem. All I want is to be on same terms as we were before! I know all about the advice gurus give and makes sense but being an INTP I want it all back not by manipulation but cause it's natural! She's a bit juvenile to understand what relationships are and the work it needs! I just want an insight into her brain and how she works! Plus I wanna know if ENFP's are headstrong then I'll not get my hopes high.
    Well, what's interesting to me is that you keep referring and describing your behavior in a positive manner and writing off her behavior in a more negative one. Right now, that's coming off on me as if you're blaming this situation on her.
    Have you looked into what you might be doing wrong? Not from a ESFP's viewpoint but from 'a human being's' viewpoint?
    If not, start there, report your findings and we can start working on what needs to change in order for you to have a chance at 'winning her back'.

    If you really know what you're doing, and I'm pretty sure you think you do, try to take a step back and look at it from a different angle.
    See what's happening right now from a different point of view that's not yours, shouldn't be too hard as an INTP, especially if you take Fe out of the equation for a while.

    I'll give you my viewpoint on what I think is happening;
    You want her back, really really bad and it's showing. The thing is, I think you're coming off as a bit desperate, which, if you're really aware of all the stuff the gurus are teaching, you'll know that this is toxic for your dating image (Well, overall image, really).
    She pushes you away because she needs space, think of ESFP's as birds, birds who need the freedom (or the illusion of freedom) to spread their wings.
    Or dogs. Hyperactive ones that get aggressive when you put them on a leash and they'll start tugging and gnawing at it.
    Just set it loose and if they're really loyal, fond or appreciative of you, it'll come back to you after pissing against a different tree.

    Or, you know, talking in pick-up terms, do the one-itis 'challenge', see if she's really that special after that.

  8. #7

    Funny how you say nobody makes her happy like you do as if no one else can. It's a big world out there. Let the girl live.
    INTP user thanked this post.

  9. #8
    INTP - The Thinkers

    Let her go. I know its hard, but sometimes letting go is the better option.


    Skickat från min iPad med Tapatalk

  10. #9

    You need to slow down and breathe. From the sound of it you've gotten pretty well wound up and are not looking for her perspective. From my experience with ESFP, if there's going to be a lasting relationship beyond "fun person i talk to" it'll happen organically.

    It may very well be she's decided a romantic relationship with you isn't what she wants. But she's entirely happy with you as a friend, that mental switch is normal. You have to be ok with that arrangement or leave her be. If you can't be her friend without trying to make it more, she'll rightly cut you loose.

  11. #10
    ENTP

    I'm in a similar situation with an ESFP and I would type whole a diatribe of why you don't actually love her and how you're only lusting for her. But it'd be tl;dr and you wouldn't listen to me anyways.

    I feel like the novel/movie paper towns could be a good analogy for you.

    In the end, the protagonist confesses to his 'love' and she responds with "Love me? You don't even know me."

    Also try thinking of the big picture.
    A) If you stay friends:
    You get to:
    - have dope ass times with an awesome beautiful woman.
    - meet/flirt with other beautiful women.
    - meet all her friends which are probably fun and attractive as well.
    - meet their friends too.
    - All the while you can keep developing a more intimate and deeper relationship with the person you think you love.

    B) If you pressure her/leave her for not committing to you: You begin avoiding each other and you're no longer stressed out/confused.

    Which would you rather have? (I've learned this the hard way)

    Just some advice. Whatever you do decide to do- take it as a learning experience for next time. Best of luck!

    PS: Friendzoning doesn't actually exist. It's just something created by pussies that don't make their intentions clear from the start. (if you were worried about being 'friendzoned')
    Last edited by xdae; 01-13-2016 at 04:17 AM.


     
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