So today I kind of had a, well, talk with an ESFP friend. It started out light but got deeper and ended up with her crying. Basically, I was trying to help and see if she was able to improve on something she didn't think she could improve on.
No it wasn't a intentionally-push-your-button thing, but somehow I managed to get her thinking about everything she's suppressed inside in an attempt to help her deal with those issues. And then she started tearing up for a bit—not sobbing but blinking tears. On the other hand, she didn't actually try to stop the conversation, in fact, she went and continued deeper into it and then couldn't control her emotions.
I realise that ESFPs do indeed subdue all their negative emotions inside because they don't want to burden others with their problems. I also realise that this repressing is unhealthy, but it's not like you guys can help it... or can you? After all, MBTI doesn't contain us in a box.
My real question though, is how you comfort the ESFP in that situation. Obviously, bringing up the matter in a logical manner does not work at all—been there, done that. Talking about emotions don't work—it just revolves around the same issue. I can't simply leave the room and let her cry by herself either, because I already know that she's crying and therefore the imaginary 'burden' is already on me. So what do I do?
The problem with Ti's trying to understand Fi's, is that we try to analyze their feelings logically. I've been known to do that, before, with FP's, myself, but there's no internal logic to it. FP types approach life by how they feel. It has nothing to do with logic.. I mean there might be an inherit, different sort of logic to it, but it's the logic us Ti's know and love.
I know I'm talking from an outside perspective, so you ESFPs can slap me if I'm way off, but I find Fi's seem to organic to me. Like, I can think of another word to describe them. It seems like, on the inside they have all of this life, and feeling, and warmth, maybe not always the "I wanna snuggle you I love you so much" warmth... well, some do, but just this sort of---like Neil Diamond (and INFP who wrote a song about ET, who should be the INFP mascot) a sort of "heart light" I know Fi is probably not as fascinating as I make it out to be, but to me, it's exotic, but, I imagine to XXFP's it's just thinking...maybe they find our ice cold logical Ti fascinating and exotic, who knows? So, I'm rambling now, so time to go home.
08-26-2014, 06:04 AM
I lost you at the neil diamond part but your first para makes sense.. xD
So basically all I can do it wait till it wears off???
06-22-2019, 04:37 AM
I can't speak for every ESFP so I'm not sure if this would be the case for your friend or not, but I definitely personally prefer hugs/being held when upset.