I Love an INTP, but I'm an ESTJ - what hope?

I Love an INTP, but I'm an ESTJ - what hope?

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This is a discussion on I Love an INTP, but I'm an ESTJ - what hope? within the ESTJ Forum - The Guardians forums, part of the SJ's Temperament Forum- The Overseers category; Hello all. My INTP boyfriend has just broken up with me after 2 years. Out of the blue (for me) ...

  1. #1

    I Love an INTP, but I'm an ESTJ - what hope?

    Hello all. My INTP boyfriend has just broken up with me after 2 years. Out of the blue (for me) he asked for space - and never came back and has cut me off. This was 6 weeks ago. I love him to bits - really love him, not just a passing phase.

    Since then have done a lot of reading and now understand him heaps better... but am afraid I won't get a second chance to show him how I now understand him & how we could be good again.

    What's the best way to get through to an INTP who seems to have made up his mind. I'm an ESTJ.



  2. #2

    Really? What events preceded it? and What aspects about him do you love?

  3. #3

    I am also in love with an INTP as an ESFJ, so my heart goes out to you!
    I asked him what he thought about this, and he offered a few things:
    First of all, he agreed with cryptonia's assessment that if he asked for space, that is exactly what he needs. Pushing yourself in before he has had a chance to sort things out will only make him pull away more. Perhaps a gentle nudge would be okay (an email, or voicemail, that simply says, "I've been thinking about you a lot and trying to understand what went wrong. If you are ready to talk to me, I would love to talk to you."), but don't push it.
    That said, 6 weeks is a long time.... are you sure you understood him right? "I need space" doesn't seem to me like a 6 week separation... Still, I would not let it rest without a word. Try gently, without pushing, and if you get nothing in response, well.... then I'm sorry.

    It is strange that it was so out of the blue, huh? I know memory gets mushy over time, but... what on earth could have prompted such a sudden decision? Did he not give you any more reasons at the time for why he needed space?

    Good luck to you. Hope it works out for the best!
    JJ

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  5. #4

    more info

    Hi JJ
    Thanks for your reply :) I've put the full story as a reply to Cryptonia's message.. on the INTP page...
    Let me know what you think...
    Cvp1vf

  6. #5
    ENTP - The Visionaries

    Did you know that they say the INFJ is the ENTPs perfect match? E|I N T|F P|J =|= I|E N|S T P|J. maybe. I, however, believe that all types are ENTPs perfect match expect you damn XSTJs.

  7. #6

    You're just after a personal assistant.

  8. #7

    Maybe you already thought of this, but I think you should try just being friends, then rebuild the relationship at a slow natural pace. Let him know theres no pressure, and try (or pretend) to put the failed relationship behind you. Whatever you choose, good luck!

  9. #8

    Thanks Greencore. Three months on, we've only met up once. He's completely cut me off, and when we did meet (to exchange our stuff) he treated me like any other random adult in his life.
    My mind tells me I must move on, my heart has a different message...

  10. #9
    INTP - The Thinkers

    oh wow, thanks for the update.... I never expect anyone to come back like that.

    I guess if you're an ESTJ it's probably ok to be blunt, so..... try and move on--I don't think you have a chance of patching anything up. If it's been all this time, and he acted as if you were any normal other person, he might even just be confused and wonder why you're still interested in him. It sounds like he's put the whole thing behind him.... and I'd be stunned if you found any way to change that.

  11. #10

    Hi Cryptonia, No, I don't mind the bluntness at all (!)
    Thanks for your views, both before and now too.
    I think he's completely shut down, and you're right, it would be quite something to reconnect after all this time...
    Since then, a few of my friends have now felt bold enough to tell me they thought we were just too different to make it work, long-term... and from what I now know about INTP's and ESTJ's as a combination, the odds were really stacked against us from the start...


     

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