Is it normal to find this ESTJ a complete enigma?

Is it normal to find this ESTJ a complete enigma?

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This is a discussion on Is it normal to find this ESTJ a complete enigma? within the ESTJ Forum - The Guardians forums, part of the SJ's Temperament Forum- The Overseers category; I know this ESTJ from school. Unlike the other ESTJs that we both know, he has this quirky way that ...

  1. #1
    INTJ - The Scientists

    Is it normal to find this ESTJ a complete enigma?

    I know this ESTJ from school. Unlike the other ESTJs that we both know, he has this quirky way that rubs everyone in the wrong way, even other ESTJs. That got better as we got older; all kids grow out of their annoying habits- mostly. I get the feeling that he's never liked me much, and I'm not sure why. Maybe it's because I don't care to fit in the status quo, and have never been very responsive to him. He's been particularly annoying this year. We didn't speak much before, and I get the idea that he only has a concept of who I am (because that's what he talks about when he tells people about me; he had no idea I could hear him).

    1. Good at music/academics.
    2. Kind of reclusive.

    We have two classes together, and kind of a lot of out of class interaction because we're both intellectual and grade-obsessed. He makes rude comments at times that really got to me (he makes them to everybody, but it seems more severe for me this year), but over time I've become numb to him. I figured that he's probably saying those things because it's what he does.

    So we bicker, from whether or not I'm going to get married someday (he has a lot to say about that) to whether he is superior because he beats me at mathematics and I beat him at humanities. He can be very rude at times, but I've become naturally desensitized to him. We'd be talking about the idea of marriage, and then he'd burst in with a derisive chuckle. "Yeah. Her? Married? Funny, guys." I didn't know what he meant, but I wasn't going to give him a free pass either. And then I asked him how many girls he's dated. I forgot what he said, but I got a good laugh out of it.

    The confusing part is, sometimes he seems to really respect me. Sometimes he even goes out of his way to be friendly, says "hi" in the hallways when I have a tendency of religiously ignoring anyone who is outside my social circle when out of class. I humored him, of course, and said "hi" back, but I was never particularly warm. Sometimes he'd make good natured jokes, and the sarcastic and negative remarks seems to have lessened somewhat (they're still there, though). Other times, he'd come over when my partner and I are working, and we might have a really random talk. Then my partner and I go back to our work, and he leaves.

    It seems almost nice on his part, as if we're friends, but then, we're not really. Or we really aren't. It's hard to say. He doesn't seem to hate me, but he doesn't seem to like me either. His behavior is completely contradictory, but I'm very unfamiliar with his type. I must admit I don't hate the guy; annoyed at times, yes, but I excuse this kid because he's crazy smart. And nice at times. I must say I have a reluctant respect for him. Some of his remarks (and his competence) have taken my pride down a peg or two, but then again, I don't know what he really means, and what he doesn't mean.

    Edit: I should probably clarify that I'm analyzing him in my quest to understand all MBTI types better. When I find a specimen of this type, I can't resist. I have several others lined up in the back of my mind right now, but they're pretty much consistent with my concept of their respective types.

  2. #2
    ESTJ - The Guardians

    IMO, he doesn't really like you, but he's trying to be fair and nice with you, like he did with other classmates. He doesn't want his opinion of you disturbing his social relationship with you.

  3. #3
    INFJ - The Protectors

    On the contrary, it seems like play. I say he does.

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  5. #4
    ESTJ - The Guardians

    Well, if he really an ESTJ and he likes her, he will go straight to her and ask her for a date. But the way he was treating her, imo, doesn't show an ESTJ trait when liking a person.

    ESTJs are blunt and honest people, we don't play games in relationship. We want everything clear and understandable. We won't give mixing signal.

  6. #5
    ESTJ - The Guardians

    I agree with the fact that we are blunt and honest and dont play games. But I'm not sure about not liking her. You're right though if he liked her than he'd show her that he cares.

    But its very possible that you are considered one of his friends. The fact that he approaches you at all means he doesn't hate you. I mean if he is making some effort to talk to you than he doesn't dislike you. He sounds like he is not doing a lot of listening, a lot of caring, or really knows that his words are hurting people. However, to me he sounds sort of depressed. He sounds like he is trying very hard to stunt something emotional and therefore everything is coming out in snide comments and seems sort of sarcastic and annoying. He's saying mean things about people trying to make a joke because it helps whatever is bugging him. He's quieter than he normally would be and less friendly. Sometimes he seems completely respectful and nice, but other times he's not that way. If he is giving you more attention and criticizing you more than others it may be a sort of cry for help in a way. I could be totally wrong, but seeing as how i was depressed for most of my life I know exactly what this could look like. If this is the case, dont pressure him. Just let him know that you're there to listen. And you might want to ask him if he's doing alright, if he answers really defensively or with a snide remark chances are he's not. Not sure about this, but that's just my prediction.
    Sangmu thanked this post.

  7. #6

    My ESTJ treats the majority of his friends this way, and it is play. Sounds like he's testing his boundaries and the fact that you let him get away with it means he can & will continue. Play back, he might really like it. I agree with WQ about them being straight to the point about liking you as that was the case with mine, but you can't speak for them all. His intentions seem friendly, if you can believe it, ha.

  8. #7
    ESTJ - The Guardians

    I play and tease and flirt too, mostly with guys. But that doesn't mean that I like them romantically. I just love doing it with my friends, for joke purpose only.

    If I like a person, I will mostly go straight forward and let him know.


  9. #8
    ESTJ - The Guardians

    Agreed. I am waaaayyyy more serious with someone I like. And my ESTJ guy friend agrees with that as well.

  10. #9
    ESTJ - The Guardians

    Quote Originally Posted by kept81213 View Post
    Agreed. I am waaaayyyy more serious with someone I like. And my ESTJ guy friend agrees with that as well.
    I'm soooooooo glad that you joined this forum.

    Btw, I think it's time for you to have an avatar.

  11. #10
    ESTJ - The Guardians

    awwwww thanks! I'm so glad I did too!! Learning this stuff really really changed my life.

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