[ESTJ] Do romantic gestures make you uncomfortable?

Do romantic gestures make you uncomfortable?

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This is a discussion on Do romantic gestures make you uncomfortable? within the ESTJ Forum - The Guardians forums, part of the SJ's Temperament Forum- The Overseers category; Curious... I notice the ESTJ male I am dating just ignores or doesn't respond to anything I say with any ...

  1. #1
    ENTJ

    Do romantic gestures make you uncomfortable?

    Curious... I notice the ESTJ male I am dating just ignores or doesn't respond to anything I say with any romatice or emotional undertones to it. Even when I make a wanton type sexy remark about being attracted to him... he mostly ignores it. I KNOW he likes me and wants a commitment and sees a potential future with me.

    Is this typical behavior for ESTJ's?

    Part of me wonders if he is just so darn stubborn he sees it as "bossy"...like I am driving the dialogue that way and in his mind...that's his domain? I'm an ENTJ, so probably more direct and assertive than he is used to. Is that unattractive to you guys? I think he likes it, but won't give me the satisfaction of admitting it????

    What do you ESTJs think?



  2. #2

    You're not direct. If you were, you'd just ask him about it.

    Go ask him. Internet strangers don't (and shouldn't) know your boyfriend's romantic preferences better than his partner.
    Last edited by Coburn; 07-26-2018 at 10:38 AM.

  3. #3
    ENTJ

    I did! He said, "it's fine". A pretty ambiguous answer to me!

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  5. #4

    Quote Originally Posted by tamalynn View Post
    I did! He said, "it's fine". A pretty ambiguous answer to me!
    So he's fine with it. You have your answer. He has no issue with it and just doesn't think it's something that merits a strong response.

    It sounds like that answer may not be enough for you, though. What would you like him to do when you make overt romantic gestures? Think about what you need or want from him to feel comfortable and ask him if he can give that to you. It's all right to tell your SO "hey, I know you're comfortable just giving a neutral response when I do X or Y, but it will help me be more comfortable if you can change you response to be more A or B."
    tamalynn and Sela thanked this post.

  6. #5

    Hello, ESTJ girl here and I’m the same way as him. When my significant other compliments me saying something emotional/romantic I also ignore it but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t make me happy to hear it. I think the weight of words to us in general have less meaning than actions being done. Sometimes i like to hear my boyfriend say you look beautiful or i love you... but i never feel its necessary to make me happy (if he only said it once a month id be fine with that). I dont think he sees it as bossy.. i think compliments about himself just dont seem to phase him (but he’s happy you think these things about him). I also think the less you say these things, the more meaning there is behind it when you do say it. Heres a great way to make your compliments count: if i got a random text from my boyfriend that said “you looked gorgeous on our date friday, i cant stop thinking about you in that dress”, that would mean more to me than him telling me i looked pretty the night of.
    L P and secondpassing thanked this post.

  7. #6
    ESTJ

    I'm generally the opposite. I flirt with total strangers without meaning to and always respond to my partner when he says/does anything like that to me. It's usually smut or wit rather than 'feelings stuff' though. I compliment him a lot and have no issue saying 'I love you', but with me it's generally random touches rather than romance. Perhaps he finds it a bit awkward if it's too emotional (that's a bit out of an ESTJ's natural comfort zone). Try using humor or more direct action and see if he reponds better.

  8. #7
    ISTJ - The Duty Fulfillers

    My former ESTJ supervisor does (at least in my opinion) romantic-type things for his wife all the time. He walks her to her office every. single. morning. and does the reverse at night (they both work in the same company, but two different divisions). He picks her up for lunch every day right outside her office and they always eat lunch together. She expressed an interest in watching the main pro football team here so he bought them season tickets. I've overheard him talking to her on the phone occasionally and his tone is much less harsh with her than with everyone else, so to answer your question, I would have to say no, since it's clear that he has no problem initiating them with her; I assume the reverse is also true. HTH.
    secondpassing thanked this post.

  9. #8
    ESTJ

    Quote Originally Posted by tamalynn View Post
    Curious... I notice the ESTJ male I am dating just ignores or doesn't respond to anything I say with any romatice or emotional undertones to it. Even when I make a wanton type sexy remark about being attracted to him... he mostly ignores it. I KNOW he likes me and wants a commitment and sees a potential future with me.

    Is this typical behavior for ESTJ's?

    Part of me wonders if he is just so darn stubborn he sees it as "bossy"...like I am driving the dialogue that way and in his mind...that's his domain? I'm an ENTJ, so probably more direct and assertive than he is used to. Is that unattractive to you guys? I think he likes it, but won't give me the satisfaction of admitting it????

    What do you ESTJs think?
    I like the double entendres ENTJ style.

  10. #9
    ESTJ

    Quote Originally Posted by Sela View Post
    My former ESTJ supervisor does (at least in my opinion) romantic-type things for his wife all the time. He walks her to her office every. single. morning. and does the reverse at night (they both work in the same company, but two different divisions). He picks her up for lunch every day right outside her office and they always eat lunch together. She expressed an interest in watching the main pro football team here so he bought them season tickets. I've overheard him talking to her on the phone occasionally and his tone is much less harsh with her than with everyone else, so to answer your question, I would have to say no, since it's clear that he has no problem initiating them with her; I assume the reverse is also true. HTH.
    Pretty cool, rare really. Do you know how long they have been together?

  11. #10
    ISTJ - The Duty Fulfillers

    Quote Originally Posted by hakk1 View Post
    Pretty cool, rare really. Do you know how long they have been together?
    Yes. They got married in 1987. I remember this because he was telling me a couple years ago in 2017 that he's bought her a really nice/expensive anniversary ring to wear with her wedding set and that he was also going to take her on a beach vacation to Florida (and to not let on that I knew about it because he didn't want to ruin the surprise).
    hakk1 and Coburn thanked this post.


     

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