I don’t know whether genetic, or because my parents are kinda toxic in their own ways, but me and my brother have depression. Well, he had manic depression and has bipolar. For me, well I am in my 4th high school and I’m massively depressed and have all kinds of issues.
I attempted suicide recently and got send to a psych ward (I’m not suicidal now) but that episode bought a certain clarity- I love my family and I love my dad. I used to think I didn’t love my dad because he is kinda cold, and makes me feel inferior and he did influence my life in ways that are not good.
But, at the same time, he is an insanely good dad. He spent hours training me to help me perform well at sports. He takes me to the gym daily. He works so hard behind the scenes and makes the house run. He does have certain toxic traits, like whenever I’m done with work and am just chilling, he kinda sees it as wasting time and it really gets in my head, I can’t hang out with friends without thinking “this is not useful for my future”.
Recently, he shared his “internal feelings” that he doesn’t share often. He talked to me and bro about how like he had high hopes for us, like it pains to see kids he interviews at his company so driven and enthusiastic to excel but both his kids are depressed and are low achievers, even though he works really hard and gives us so many opportunities. That could be taken many ways, but I know he didn’t mean to put us down. I understand that it aches for him.
He is coming home less, spends time either dancing or going to the gym, im really scared he will get depressed or something. Is there any way I can help him, is there any thing I personally can do to show him that there is hope for me...