I've come seeking your advice. I'm an ENFJ (Extravert/iNtuitive/Feeling/Judging) and I'm experiencing a few problems with my ESTJ boss. I hope you won't take any of my comments personally, although they do arise from my frustration!!
I am really struggling with my ESTJ boss. Bear with my this is a long one, because I am spending a lot of time stressing about it.
I donít want to change jobs Ė I like the team I work in, I like my place of work and I love my job. I am really keen to progress and want to impress my boss, but the fact she is ST and I am NF is causing me some problems. I donít think she even realises that I feel this sensitive, because she is T and I am F.
First of all, I have to say, she really is lovely. I like her as a person. Everyone else seems to like her. Relationships are important to her. She is outgoing, and interested in people and helping people. (I donít get this Ė how can someone care that much about people and relationships and not be able to pick up on how they feel?)
On top of this, she is really nit-picky! She corrects the smallest of things, even when I think whether they are right or wrong is a matter of opinion.
It really gets me mad, because my spelling and grammar is pretty good, and hers is not exactly a strength. The things she produces are full of mistakes, but she's just not able to spot them. Yet, she meticulously reviews everything we do and brings it back to us to re-do if there is the smallest of mistakes. Stuff like Iíve written the date in a different format to the one she wanted, for example.
Plus, I find it really irritating that she can't think outside the box! If I suggest something to her, even if it is a really great idea, she looks at me as if I have just suggested we should hire a pink elephant if it is outside her range of experience. She gets really annoyed and almost 'stamps her feet' if I do this when I am presenting an idea different to hers.
The other thing is, she has such a respect for authority, that she believes we should always bow down to it. I know she does this with her own superiors, although there have been occasions when I have seen her speak out. But she also thinks I should always do this to her. She gets really exasperated when I try to present a different view. Donít get me wrong, I donít want to cause conflict or trouble and usually agree to whatever she says to stop it escalating, but I feel really annoyed that my opinion hasnít been taken on board.
Also, she finds it really difficult to give feedback - either positive or negative. Don't get me wrong, she'll say 'thanks' or 'do that again' but she never says 'That was great because...' or 'I'd prefer you didn't do that because...' I guess that's because she just assumes that her way is the right way things are done; they fit in with her script and to her it requires no explanation - it just is.
On the same note, because she is sensing rather than intuitive, she will sometimes accept things Ďas rightí because they have been presented to her with evidence even if the evidence misleading or wrong. This is where I get most frustrated, because she already has a fixed idea now, and as and NF I just can't seem to explain it to her in a way that is meaningful. I have to make a conscious effort to go through it in minute detail and I get frustrated and feel like I'm patronising her.
The fact that we are both EJs can be great - we can get down to things and get them done. But, I feel like she doesn't really respect me or trust me. I can't put my finger on exactly what it is. I guess she respects my intellect, but doesn't really see it as useful. I find this quite upsetting. I know I am an NF, and that she probably thinks this is all a bit 'woolly' but I have some good ideas! She can't really criticise the end results I produce - I do the job and I do it to a good standard, but I guess she just doesn't trust how I get there and doesn't have any respect for my method. This means I have to keep everything under wraps and then go 'ta daaaa'. This doesn't help communication, believe me and I would like to be able to ask for support.
Basically, I donít really know how to get her on side so that I can utilise my strengths in my job and I don't WANT to be irritated by my boss - I want to get on with her (after all, I am and ENFJ!). Any help or advice would be great!!
Thanks in advance.