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Hug for the ESTJs

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This is a discussion on Hug for the ESTJs within the ESTJ Forum - The Guardians forums, part of the SJ's Temperament Forum- The Overseers category; I love how they're so insensitive and not emotionally draining. I don't really have to worry about hurting feelings or ...

  1. #11

    I love how they're so insensitive and not emotionally draining. I don't really have to worry about hurting feelings or playing hero.
    My "T" is at 100%. I don't like to think I'm 'insensitive' as much as not sensitive to everything, or overly sensitive. If I wasn't sensitive, I wouldn't have responded to this!
    ESTJ just don't have time for nonsense!
    lantern and SnowFairy thanked this post.

  2. #12

    *Hug ESTJs*
    If it wasn't for you guys I'd have no one to rebel against. ;-P

  3. #13
    ESTJ - The Guardians

    I'm interested in hearing more about what your mom was like as an ESTJ. I'm an ESTJ girl and I want to have children, but I am worried that I'll be overbearing. I think that room cleaning thing is hilarious, I can definitely see myself using that same line.

    Did you think she was bossy and overbearing, was she good at being a friend to you? Anyway, any insight in what she "did" would be helpful, especially things you think she did poorly so I can try to not do those...maybe :).
    WickedQueen thanked this post.

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  5. #14
    ENFP - The Inspirers

    Let's thing I'd say is don't let interruptions get to you. Kids have terrible timing for wanting something from mom, and it will only stress you out if you let it bother you when your reading, tv time, or nap gets interrupted for the 10th time when the little ones want to know if it's ok to throw waterballoons off the roof. No? How about from a tree? Is it ok to fill the balloon with pudding instead? :P Also, you're going to find yourself being the "strict" parent, so be aware that if daddy is a pushover, you may find your decrees getting undermined. >.> I frankly think that parenting style is definitely something a couple should discuss before having children. It can be a big deal if you suddenly discover your partner has completely different ideas on how to raise a child.

    My mom has always been very understanding and supportive (aside from a few flashes of temper. It doesn't snap often, but when it does, it snaps hard). She makes an effort to be there for all of her children even if she doesn't really understand our motivations.
    It seems to me like my mother took parenthood in stages.

    1. Loving but stern with very young children to establish expectations and proper behavior for certain situations. It's not ok to throw food on the floor at dinner. It's not ok to be loud indoors, especially in public places.

    2. I wouldn't say overbearing persay, but I believe that at a certain age, the expectations of proper behavior are demanded more strictly, and inappropriate behavior is punished and scolded. If you're really good, you'll be able to just give the child "THE LOOK" and it will be enough. Rules are applied with consequences attached - if you don't eat all your food, you don't get dessert. If you don't ask a day in advance, you don't get to spend the night at a friend's house.

    3. As the child hits their teens, the parent becomes more lenient, with more basic rules of calling to say where they are if plans change, if they'll be late, or if they won't be home that night. More structured, detailed rules may go into effect: My mother's personal dating rules for all of us were group dates at 13, double dates at 15, and single dating at 16 (more for the practicality of having a car).

    4. Every year, the child becomes more independent and becomes less of a concern to the parent. She still cares about me, but she doesn't really care what I do most of the time.
    WickedQueen thanked this post.

  6. #15
    INFJ - The Protectors

    Hooray! big hugs to ESTJs! yes we can be pretty direct but really we're not being mean - we just care a lot!

    I so agree with that Mindbane - why don't people just do what they say they're gonna do and in the timescale they say? instead of me having to get teed off and ask them 'in the nicest possiblest way I can' when it really means "Get on with it!'

    laly37 thanked this post.

  7. #16
    ESTJ - The Guardians

    That child thing is interesting. I was incredibly bossy to my younger sister ALL the time. And she's an INFP so of course she absolutely HATED that. I once really worried that I'd be too controlling of a mother, but then I had 2 younger brothers and 5 younger cousins, and started babysitting more and working at a day camp. The thing about children is that they completely loosen you up and change you. My mom who's an ENFP and had a ESTJ father said she never understood him until she had me as her child, and I used to drive her CRAZY. But as you live with them they always change you. I was a super uptight sister, cousin, and counselor before. But after years of being with them, i've completely loosened up. I think its in an ESTJ's nature to be a parent. We are just born parent like. We may not be the most nurturing of parents, but we'd make excellent parents.

    Try to be around kids a little more and see what you think. I really didnt like them at first, but now I can wait to be a mom! Of course I have to find a husband first lol :)
    WickedQueen thanked this post.

  8. #17

    *hugs ESTJs*
    I now have an ESTJ best friend, and she's delightful
    lantern thanked this post.

  9. #18
    ESTJ - The Guardians

    I once told a friend "babies are good in theory, but undesirable in practice." I was kidding (I love children), but it sounds like the reasoning may be a classic ESTJ approach.

    My ESFJ mom always said I was a strong-willed child. I built a reputation of being bossy towards my ISFP sister, who also built a reputation on being a cry-baby. However, some people like telling me I'd be a great father. It is usually coupled with a compliment regarding my conversation style (one of my favorites: "when I talk to you, there's always a hint of a smirk on your face and I always feel you're laughing at me on the inside. But ultimately you humor me and listen to what I have to say...I think you'll be a great father and husband!").
    WickedQueen thanked this post.

  10. #19
    ENFP - The Inspirers

    Quote Originally Posted by jimbo1220 View Post
    one of my favorites: "when I talk to you, there's always a hint of a smirk on your face and I always feel you're laughing at me on the inside. But ultimately you humor me and listen to what I have to say...
    That's exactly it! My mom has the same expression/manner.

  11. #20

    YEP!! BIG BIG BIG Hugs to the ESTJ's. I'm happily married to an ESTJ, and while our relationship has not always been easy, it has definately been worth it!!!
    WickedQueen, kept81213 and lantern thanked this post.

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