[ESTJ] HELP! Having a big crush on ESTJ male!

HELP! Having a big crush on ESTJ male!

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This is a discussion on HELP! Having a big crush on ESTJ male! within the ESTJ Forum - The Guardians forums, part of the SJ's Temperament Forum- The Overseers category; (Posted also to ISTJ, for I don't know if he is E/I.) So I'm INFP female myself and have a ...

  1. #1
    INFP - The Idealists

    HELP! Having a big crush on ESTJ male!

    (Posted also to ISTJ, for I don't know if he is E/I.)

    So I'm INFP female myself and have a big crush on ESTJ male. We have known each others for a year and became friends. He is maybe the kindest person I know. Last half a year we spent a lot of time together. I feel that he was always trying to find a reason to meet me and then we ended up cooking food together, watching movies etc. He always helped me with all the manly stuff I could not do myself and noticed if I was having a bad day and tried to cheer me up. He also flirted a bit and also told that I had nice outfits. If I asked him to join an event he was always there, even when I thought he would definitely not be interested in that event. I think his roommate thought that we had something going on and teased him a bit.

    The sad thing is that he moved away. And I realize that I am thinking about him everyday. We have some plans to do a trip together with him and maybe some friends, and I will see him once before that, NEXT WEEK. (The trip being in September.)

    So does it sound like he is just friendly or might he like me back? Should I tell him that I like him? Or will that scare him away? Should I do it before or after the trip? And how should I do it?

    Please help, I have never told anyone that I like them!!



  2. #2
    ENTJ

    @Pocis Go for it. It can be difficult to tell how a TJ feels from their actions, but it sounds like you definitely have a shot. Even if he doesn't like you, you still gain a valuable experience, and you can move on more easily. If you're thinking of him everyday, the only way to get your mind back is to have closure.

  3. #3
    INFP - The Idealists

    Thank you for your advice @maust !
    maust thanked this post.

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  5. #4
    INFP

    Quote Originally Posted by Pocis View Post
    So does it sound like he is just friendly or might he like me back?


    Could be both. They're friendly because it's the right/proper/socially-acceptable thing to do. It's one of their most charming traits. ;)

    But he could also like you back. One of their love languages tends to be from acts of kindness.

    Should I tell him that I like him? Or will that scare him away?
    Funny story, my boyfriend (ESTJ) wouldn't have known that I liked him if I hadn't accidentally slipped on saying the fact. :P

    Now we're 5 years together and currently 1 year long distance. If I hadn't made the first move, we probably would have just stayed friends out of oblivion.

    I'm pretty sure ESTJ won't be scared away from a confession. They're generally very confident and consider what people have to say.
    Last edited by Ahiko; 07-06-2015 at 12:49 PM.

  6. #5
    INFP - The Idealists

    Thank you @Ahiko , seems like I just have to get the courage and tell him! And figure out when it is the best time..

  7. #6
    INFP

    Quote Originally Posted by Pocis View Post
    Thank you @Ahiko, seems like I just have to get the courage and tell him! And figure out when it is the best time..
    You're welcome!

    It might be of interest to read up on Socionics dual relations, which the INFP/ESTJ pairing is (They're equivalent to INFj/ESTj in Socionics).

    Dual relations actually don't notice each other in the beginning, which is the most amusing part. :P

    But they are the best in terms of personality compatibility. Random food for thought. :)
    Pocis thanked this post.

  8. #7
    INFP - The Idealists

    Quote Originally Posted by Ahiko View Post
    You're welcome!

    It might be of interest to read up on Socionics dual relations, which the INFP/ESTJ pairing is (They're equivalent to INFj/ESTj in Socionics).

    Dual relations actually don't notice each other in the beginning, which is the most amusing part. :P

    But they are the best in terms of personality compatibility. Random food for thought. :)
    I have to check this out, thanks for the tip! I remember that at least I did not notice him at first.. And then after a while I started to like him a bit but noticed that only after my friend noticed it first.. :D

  9. #8

    To me, it seems a lot like he likes you ^^
    I can really see myself and one of my male ESTJ friends in most of those behaviours.
    However, it's extremely important, that you clearly tell him, what you want from him.
    I try to get away from it, but the ESTJs I know sometimes do "option seeking". Maybe he's thinking something like: "She's nice, she's pretty, she has certain qualities, she'd be a safe bet. I don't love her, but I would try a relationship, if she loves me"
    If that's the case, you really need to express what you feel, as understandable as possible. If he likes you back, he'll respond positively and if he's not sure, he'll either also say, that he loves you or he will try to stay back and pretend that he didn't understand you.
    As long as your description is accurate (I know, that INFPs sometimes misunderstand what an ESTJ does) I would say, that he either likes you or sees you at least as an option ^^
    Seamaid, stargazing grasshopper and Pocis thanked this post.

  10. #9
    INFP - The Idealists

    Thank you @Tsubaki !! Oh, I really should just tell him!

  11. #10
    ESTJ - The Guardians

    Quote Originally Posted by Pocis View Post
    (Posted also to ISTJ, for I don't know if he is E/I.)

    So I'm INFP female myself and have a big crush on ESTJ male. We have known each others for a year and became friends. He is maybe the kindest person I know. Last half a year we spent a lot of time together. I feel that he was always trying to find a reason to meet me and then we ended up cooking food together, watching movies etc. He always helped me with all the manly stuff I could not do myself and noticed if I was having a bad day and tried to cheer me up. He also flirted a bit and also told that I had nice outfits. If I asked him to join an event he was always there, even when I thought he would definitely not be interested in that event. I think his roommate thought that we had something going on and teased him a bit.

    The sad thing is that he moved away. And I realize that I am thinking about him everyday. We have some plans to do a trip together with him and maybe some friends, and I will see him once before that, NEXT WEEK. (The trip being in September.)

    So does it sound like he is just friendly or might he like me back? Should I tell him that I like him? Or will that scare him away? Should I do it before or after the trip? And how should I do it?

    Please help, I have never told anyone that I like them!!
    Assuming you want to get together with the guy in question, your best bet is to just look for opportunities to initiate contact with the guy in question. Physically meeting up is hard in your case, but talking online is good also. ISTJs tend to respond better online.
    Pocis thanked this post.


     
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