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This is a discussion on ESTJs and sex :) within the ESTJ Forum - The Guardians forums, part of the SJ's Temperament Forum- The Overseers category; Originally Posted by jukeboxhero515 I'm a straight female, but I'm sure this goes the same for any ESTJ women. Personally, ...

  1. #21

    Quote Originally Posted by jukeboxhero515 View Post
    I'm a straight female, but I'm sure this goes the same for any ESTJ women.

    Personally, I love verbal foreplay. I love it when I can playfully tease a guy and he can match my wit with an equal retort. And when that leads to witty back and forth banter, I'm his. Like WickedQueen was saying, I love that "I want you" look, and hate the "uh, you wanna have sex?" question. That also goes for anything sexual, nothing turns me off more than asking me. I would rather a guy try something, and me stop him, than to be asked. I am not too sure why, but I think it's because I always believe actions speak louder than words. So if he asks me rather than just doing it, in my head it's kind of like he doesn't really want me, he just wants sex.

    When it comes to actual sex, I'm playful and energetic and love it when my partner is too. Actually, I love it when it turns into some sort of playful competition. I have written "playful" a bunch, and it is completely intentional. But the one solid way to turn me on is just spontaneously pining me against a wall, it just says "I want you right here, right now" which always gets me going. I guess since, as an ESTJ, many things about life can be predictable so I love it when something surprises me. It also just makes me feel desirable, which is also a turn on for me.

    Many men assume that I want to be completely dominate in sex and therefore become submissive, and that is also a major turnoff for me. Having such a dominate personality tends to make people, in general, submissive to me, so I am instantly attracted to any guy who can stand up to me. Not that I want to be necessarily submissive in bed either, I like both. But I definitely like for the man to be in control for our first time. For me, it is very hard to let other people to take control so if I can give up control like that it really means a lot. And then after that I typically enjoy, like I said, a fun competition for dominance. If that makes sense.

    I do not think it's true that ESTJs are not sex driven, it's more that it's very easy to accidentally turn us off. I dated a guy who knew exactly how to get me going, and we spent a lot of time in the bedroom. I think it is more that the right partners will really get our sex drives going at full force, and if we are with the wrong partners we would rather just do something else.
    @jukeboxhero, first off I absolutely LOVE your profile name, even more so because you're a gal .


    What I find so interesting about your post is that a lot of it describes me! I would be putty in my ESTJs hands if she did half of what you described but I think I'd scare the $hit out of her if I did any of that to her . I enjoy sex and like it far better when it's playful, hot and steamy rather than intensely deep and cosmic.


    What we've both come to realize is that I'm more aware of myself as a sexual person than she is. A lot of it has to with our respective upbringing. My family is pretty affectionate and open - we talk about almost everything. Her family is the polar opposite - unless the subject is religion. Where I was fortunate to "discover" my mom's Master's & Johnson sex book on the bookshelf when I was in high school, my ESTJ didn't have that kind of resource available to her. I have years of "self discovery" that she is just now beginning to find for herself. Because of that, I'm much more aware of what turns me on.

    It's been fascinating and at times frustrating to experience someone who is so dominant in so many other areas of her life (including general interaction with me) be so unsure and passive when it comes to being playfully sexual. The encouraging thing is that she has become really committed to tapping into her sexual side - she recently asked me to take her to a "toy store". Even though she was initially super embarrassed, she actually got in to it and had fun and asked the staff waaaay more questions about toys and lube than I would have.

    Anyway, a big THANK YOU to all you ESTJs for taking time to join in the conversation so far. Your input has been more helpful and insightful than you know.

  2. #22
    ESTJ - The Guardians

    Quote Originally Posted by MooseAndSquirrel View Post
    @jukeboxhero, first off I absolutely LOVE your profile name, even more so because you're a gal .


    What I find so interesting about your post is that a lot of it describes me! I would be putty in my ESTJs hands if she did half of what you described but I think I'd scare the $hit out of her if I did any of that to her . I enjoy sex and like it far better when it's playful, hot and steamy rather than intensely deep and cosmic.


    What we've both come to realize is that I'm more aware of myself as a sexual person than she is. A lot of it has to with our respective upbringing. My family is pretty affectionate and open - we talk about almost everything. Her family is the polar opposite - unless the subject is religion. Where I was fortunate to "discover" my mom's Master's & Johnson sex book on the bookshelf when I was in high school, my ESTJ didn't have that kind of resource available to her. I have years of "self discovery" that she is just now beginning to find for herself. Because of that, I'm much more aware of what turns me on.

    It's been fascinating and at times frustrating to experience someone who is so dominant in so many other areas of her life (including general interaction with me) be so unsure and passive when it comes to being playfully sexual. The encouraging thing is that she has become really committed to tapping into her sexual side - she recently asked me to take her to a "toy store". Even though she was initially super embarrassed, she actually got in to it and had fun and asked the staff waaaay more questions about toys and lube than I would have.

    Anyway, a big THANK YOU to all you ESTJs for taking time to join in the conversation so far. Your input has been more helpful and insightful than you know.

    Thanks!! I actually grew up in a similar household as your ESTJ. I doubt that's really a coincidence since both of us growing up in a traditional family probably helped mold us into ESTJs. I grew up in a southern protestant family, I even had to go to cotillion to learn my manners and formal dances. Real traditional, my mom made sure I was raised to be the perfect southern lady. Which is why I believe I prefer to be submissive at first, and then once I get comfortable with my partner my playful dominant side comes out. Odd how those things can affect random aspects of your life.
    My first 2 years of college I went to a school in the north, and that's really when I became less sheltered. Though I was still very much a prude in relation to my friends, they always talked about sex (and sometimes in too graphic of details) which made me more comfortable about my sexuality. So probably just generally talking about sex (but not any of the touchy-feely crap though) is making her more comfortable. And ESTJs love asking questions, so that's always a good sign.

  3. #23
    ESTJ - The Guardians

    Quote Originally Posted by jukeboxhero515 View Post
    I'm a straight female, but I'm sure this goes the same for any ESTJ women.

    Personally, I love verbal foreplay. I love it when I can playfully tease a guy and he can match my wit with an equal retort. And when that leads to witty back and forth banter, I'm his. Like WickedQueen was saying, I love that "I want you" look, and hate the "uh, you wanna have sex?" question. That also goes for anything sexual, nothing turns me off more than asking me. I would rather a guy try something, and me stop him, than to be asked. I am not too sure why, but I think it's because I always believe actions speak louder than words. So if he asks me rather than just doing it, in my head it's kind of like he doesn't really want me, he just wants sex.

    When it comes to actual sex, I'm playful and energetic and love it when my partner is too. Actually, I love it when it turns into some sort of playful competition. I have written "playful" a bunch, and it is completely intentional. But the one solid way to turn me on is just spontaneously pining me against a wall, it just says "I want you right here, right now" which always gets me going. I guess since, as an ESTJ, many things about life can be predictable so I love it when something surprises me. It also just makes me feel desirable, which is also a turn on for me.

    Many men assume that I want to be completely dominate in sex and therefore become submissive, and that is also a major turnoff for me. Having such a dominate personality tends to make people, in general, submissive to me, so I am instantly attracted to any guy who can stand up to me. Not that I want to be necessarily submissive in bed either, I like both. But I definitely like for the man to be in control for our first time. For me, it is very hard to let other people to take control so if I can give up control like that it really means a lot. And then after that I typically enjoy, like I said, a fun competition for dominance. If that makes sense.

    I do not think it's true that ESTJs are not sex driven, it's more that it's very easy to accidentally turn us off. I dated a guy who knew exactly how to get me going, and we spent a lot of time in the bedroom. I think it is more that the right partners will really get our sex drives going at full force, and if we are with the wrong partners we would rather just do something else.
    I'm an ESTJ guy, and every word of this was spot-on with how I feel about sex. I wonder whether the best sex types for ESTJs are simply other ESTJs. When you speak of that guy with whom you spent a lot of time in the bedroom… do you know his personality type? I'm just curious.

  4. #24
    ESTJ - The Guardians

    Quote Originally Posted by LaBarrister View Post
    I'm an ESTJ guy, and every word of this was spot-on with how I feel about sex. I wonder whether the best sex types for ESTJs are simply other ESTJs. When you speak of that guy with whom you spent a lot of time in the bedroom… do you know his personality type? I'm just curious.
    I unfortunately do not, it was before I knew what mbti was. I'm pretty sure he was at least an xxTP. He was super spontaneous and definitely a 'type B' person. My best guess is a xSTP, maybe ISTP. Sorry, not very helpful.

    Though I am 100% sure he wasn't an ENFP, because I did date an ENFP once and it was definitely one of those instances where I would have preferred to "do something else." Not that I'm saying that all ENFPs are the exact same, but I'm assuming they all generally see sex as a "physical act of love" rather than a sensual experience. To be fair to other ENFPs, he also did suddenly gain a bunch of weight a few months into our relationship (Yeah, yeah that's so "shallow" of me, but if I'm in shape then I expect him to be too. Especially since I'm an athletic and energetic person, he couldn't keep up with me)
    LaBarrister thanked this post.

  5. #25
    ESTJ - The Guardians

    Well it's funny. When someone is not in shape, they simple look at those who are as really attractive (because I used to not be in shape, so I know). But after one makes being in shape a lifestyle, now others who are in shape are the bottom line, and those who aren't just look nasty/lazy. I mean that's really how it is for me.

  6. #26
    ESTJ - The Guardians

    I like when she initiates sexual contact.
    Nessie thanked this post.

  7. #27
    Unknown Personality

    Hmm. This is interesting. My ESTJ ex was similar to what has been stated, particularly the parts about not liking conversation. I wound up on the wrong end of that scenario a few times until I realized that she just wan't keen on it.

    It's interesting to me because I have no problems talking about sex... or anything else, at whatever time it happens come up. It's hard to kill a mood for me when I want there to be a mood. lol. Perhaps that's a testosterone-related issue.

    The problem came when it was difficult to communicate with her about it. We were both pretty new to the whole idea, and we both sucked (to put it bluntly). But she didn't want to talk about it when it wasn't going on (duh.... out of sight, out of mind), and she didn't want to talk about it when it WAS going on either. So the sucking never really got better (pun intended). That was a problem I never solved.

    I think part of it was the fact that she was a tad ashamed of the entire idea of herself being so vulnerable/sensual, and chose to repress the feelings associated with it unless they needed to be let out in the immediate present. Her personality "flipped a switch" from outgoing and decisive to submissive and playful. Everything with her HAD to be spontaneous by necessity because her normal planning and deciding "ice queen" modus operandi wanted (and had) nothing to do with bedroom activities.

    It was kind of a hot/cold dynamic that fascinated me, but also equally annoyed me. Her superego was pretty tough on her about the entire thing, too. She was pretty devoutly Christian (she's since moderated), and was always drawing lines to (I suppose) avoid becoming deviant or bad because of our bedroom behavior.

    Edit: So I guess the point of this thread is that ESTJs like less talk and more action. Nobody saw that one coming. lol
    MooseAndSquirrel thanked this post.

  8. #28
    ESTJ - The Guardians

    Similiar to posts above - knowing that someone likes me for who I am, being wanted, lots of touching, plan a time so I can look-forward to/anticipate - all turn ons. Same for me - can't ignore me/pay little attention, then want sex. I want to know they are thinking about me, want me, tell me.

    In addition, love to be touched in a a very sensual way, for example fingers running through my hair, running slowly along my panty line, holding hands, lots of skin on skin contact in a meaningful way. I also love to touch, the sense of touch on my fingertips. Like all the senses to be activated, touch, smell, eye contact, sounds.

    I like things to feel/be authentic (very in the moment and real), sense of urgency, no pretense, just have to be with you right now. I like to know they are there - firm touch, light pulling of the hair, strong shoulder rubs, deep kisses, hand on the back of my neck when kissing, pressed against the wall. Hard to describe, but again sense of being real, heightened sense of awareness, being present, their mind on nothing else but wanting to be with me. Big turn on. In every day life, I'm often in charge, coordinating, planning, deciding, in control, managing everything. Sometimes, in the bedroom, it's nice to take a break from that, someone else to decide, take care of me, lead. I'm the one making sure that everything is taken care of and everyone else's needs are met. I give more readily than receive, so it takes a little time to slow me down so that I can enjoy being intimate and receive more fully. And when I'm in my normal role in the bedroom, I like to be fully in control. The other person has to give in fully.
    MooseAndSquirrel and L P thanked this post.

  9. #29
    INFP - The Idealists

    Quote Originally Posted by WickedQueen View Post
    I find that I get turn on by a polite yet persistent man. Patience, but also naughty, high initiative, and a bit spoiled in childish way. Even better if he knows how to do some sexy moves.

    I don't like a bossy and dominating man, because I like to dominate in bed and take control.
    Submissive yet naughty guy with a lot of groans turn me on easily. I have a high confident that I can satisfy my man. I enjoy exploring his body to figure out instinctively what he likes and want, without him having to tell me explicitly about it. I don't like being told what to do. I know what I'm doing, so just shut the fuck up and enjoy the game.

    Although I'm more into physical sex rather than emotional sex, I get turn off by sex conversation. I don't like talking about sex. I prefer the spontaneous action rather than talking about it first before doing it.
    Less predictable, more surprises.
    >:D must be the reason why attracted me a ESTJ ..... lmao I ma use this form to my advantage MWAHAHAHA! ...... Seriously I learning allot about your guys I've probably been to like 20 threads in section already ^^ but this one will help me learn allot more than I expected.... XD

  10. #30
    ESTP - The Doers

    Quote Originally Posted by blueice6102 View Post
    I like when she initiates sexual contact.
    blueice6102,

    do you mean you like
    1) you like girl you are already dating iniciates sex or
    2) girl you dont know is trying to contact you/chat you up with the potential end to have sex with you?

    In case its version 2), how far girl could go to dont shy you away? Buy you drink? Or be more direct?


     
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