Inquiry of the ESTJ

Inquiry of the ESTJ

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This is a discussion on Inquiry of the ESTJ within the ESTJ Forum - The Guardians forums, part of the SJ's Temperament Forum- The Overseers category; I admire ESTJs greatly. Unfortunately, it can seem, at times, like they get a bad reputation, even when they're nothing ...

  1. #1
    INTJ - The Scientists

    Inquiry of the ESTJ

    I admire ESTJs greatly. Unfortunately, it can seem, at times, like they get a bad reputation, even when they're nothing but kind and courteous and certainly not monsters. Considering the relatively small number of ESTJs on this forum to begin with, I may receive a limited response, but I was wondering several things of this fellow xxTJ type.

    • Supposedly, ESTJs have issues with control. I have seen myself, through the ESTJs I know, that they prefer to have hold of the reigns in most of what they do (which can cause many arguments, at times). Specifically, as an ESTJ, do you find you have a desire, or even need, to have control? Or is it more of a perpetuated myth that ESTJs MUST have control?
    • Plenty of threads in this forum seem to be about romance and compatibility between types. Honestly - how much do you care about love within your life? I wouldn't put much stock into type compatibility myself, but in personal experience, do you find you have a preference for any type in particular, friendship or romance?
    • Functions. ESTJ functions follow this pattern, supposedly: Te-Si-Ne-Fi. How do you feel these functions, such as Te and Si, manifest in your interaction with the world?
    Latte thanked this post.

  2. #2
    ESTJ - The Guardians

    Issues of Control: I don't feel the NEED to be in control as long as I'm on board with the program. I definitely don't like it when the ones who are supposed to be in control are not doing what they are supposed to do like starting and ending meetings on time, doing things in the right order... Sometimes I actually like someone else to be in charge. Also, I don't want to be in control for the sake of being in control, but usually end up that way because I can plan and strategize faster. My husband for example is still mad about a Plan A that didn't work out and I'm already on to Plans B and C and trying to figure those out. I want those that I am working with to be on board with the program too, but I'm not a good emotional motivator. My motivation tends to be, lets do X so we can get to Y, not necessarily so we can be really proud of X or enjoy X, but because Y is next on the list and we need to move on. We can enjoy X when both X and Y are done.

    Issues related to Love: Definitely need a committed relationship and love being married. I think all people can learn to deal with differences if they are truly committed to their mate, but I would have a hard time with a really emotionally effusive lover. Emotionally effusive people exhaust me! A simple "I love you!" and peck on the cheek is wonderful, but I'd rather hash out common goals and plans. I can cuddle, but eventually need my space back.

    Te: We think out loud. You'll hear about 3 or 4 half-baked ideas from us before we finally make a decision. Just because we shoot an idea out there doesn't mean we're married to it. We have to discuss and feel a thing out until it is fully tangible and judged worth pursuing. Sometimes it looks like we are/I am arguing when really I'm trying to come to a tangible understanding of what your are explaining to me. This is actually why I journal, if there's no one to talk to and my mind won't shut up until I get an idea "out there" then putting it in my journal puts my mind at peace. We make lists, or at least I do, I can manage a lot of details in my head, but having them down on paper is much less stressful and helps me remember it all.

    Si: We touch everything and pick everything up at the store, and if I don't actually touch it, I really really want to:) I still do the family budget with paper and pencil andeven though we have an online bank statement, I have to write it all down again in my own ledger. I keep a running "diagnostic" on my kids and make sure they have all their needs met.

    Does any of that help or make sense? I'm not well versed in the "functions" so I may not have answered those questions well.

  3. #3
    INTJ - The Scientists

    Thank you for your response - the answers did make sense, but the function descriptions you seem to be going on are simply ExTJ for Te, and xSxx for Si, which is incorrect.

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  5. #4
    ESTJ - The Guardians

    Yeah, sorry 'bout that.
    Grey thanked this post.

  6. #5
    ESTJ - The Guardians

    Control: As much as I wouldn't like to admit this I do feel like most of the time I need to have some control over certain things and when I don't it upsets me a lot. I am usually pretty easy going in my job, unless of course I'm in charge of an important project. And with day to day things I'm really not controlling. Where I am controlling, and trying to stop this, is in my relationships, especially with the people I care about. For the most part, and it could just be the kind of friends I have, I don't feel the need to control them. My younger sister on the other hand, when I feel like she's putting herself in danger or doing something I don't think is right, I used to yell a lot at her just so I could get her to stop what she was doing. When I let go and let her do those things, sometimes she does get hurt. I think I mostly want control when I feel like someone I care about might get hurt. Like one of my best guy friends this summer was really depressed and was drinking a lot, possibly becoming and alcoholic like his father. It took a lot of effort to get myself to not want to control his behavior or want to know where he was all the time, because often I was worried he was dead on the road somewhere (I was wrong though, just passed out on a couch). It's hard to tell where I can be a little mort assertive, maybe controlling is not the right word, and where I cant. And when I get in a controlling mood it takes a lot of effort to stop, but I'm working on it. A lot of my controlling issues may stem from my parents divorce though, since I felt really out of control when that happened.

    Love: I would assume I would love being married, I am really not at all there yet though. Long term relationships, with the wrong people I usually end pretty quickly. And unless we come across some big issue, I remain in my friendships a very long since I feel very loyally connected to those i care about. I tend to have a lot of T friends and I would agree that that is because it is quite taxing to be friends with an F although I do have some of those friends. I mostly either date NT's or SP's. With the SP's, because the F's are guys in my case, and they're usually introverted, I think that makes them less taxing than the girl F's. (I have a mom and a sister who are F's and so I am also incredibly used to having them around). My best friends are usually NT's since I think we think similarly in certain ways. Friendship and family seem to be my big loves. But again, this could come from trust issues with my dad.

    Te: If I understand correctly, I would say that being thinking objectively definitely plays into my life. I can make decisions really quickly, sometimes maybe a little too quickly. They're not necessarily spontaneous because I am constantly solving problems to things in my head and out loud, I just often come to conclusions quickly, and hate wasting time trying to make a decision. Supervising and directing individuals could be my middle name. I like to delegate jobs and make sure that everyone is running efficiently and that everyone is doing what they're supposed to. At my job especially I love doing that. I would say that although the people I care about are the most important thing, I do have this attraction to material objects and may be becoming a bit of shopaholic...whoops! I observe people and things in a outward manner definitely and only bring them inwards if I cant do it outwardly, or if it's really important.

    Si: I would say that my Te definitely overrides the S a lot of the time. Making decisions and moving forwards is something that is very important. The longer I spend on a decision the more upset I get. This often allows me to make mistakes because I make decisions too fast without taking the time to look at all the facts. However, if the decision does not need to be made right away (meaning I feel like I can wait), then that allows me to look at everything more closely. I have been trying very hard to work on this. :)
    Grey and WickedQueen thanked this post.


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