An ISFP needs help from all the guy ESTJs out there

An ISFP needs help from all the guy ESTJs out there

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This is a discussion on An ISFP needs help from all the guy ESTJs out there within the ESTJ Forum - The Guardians forums, part of the SJ's Temperament Forum- The Overseers category; I am an ISFP and I am very good friends with an ESTJ. He enjoys my company, and all of ...

  1. #1
    ISFP - The Artists

    An ISFP needs help from all the guy ESTJs out there

    I am an ISFP and I am very good friends with an ESTJ. He enjoys my company, and all of our mutual friends feel that, based on how he treats me, he likes me as more than a friend. I am of the school of thought that if a guy wants you, he'll go after you. I know SJs are planners and aren't as impulsive as SPs. But I am confused, should I make the first move? Should I wait for him to make the first move? SJs are really traditional, so my first instinct is to wait. But at the same time, what if he thinks that I'm not interested... I don't want to miss out on this opportunity, because I think he's my soulmate. Arg! I just want to get inside of his head. Please help male ESTJs!
    Posted via Mobile Device

  2. #2
    ESTJ - The Guardians

    Okay I know I am not a guy, and this is very very interesting because I was in a very similar situation with my friend who is an ISFP guy and I am an ESTJ girl. He used to confuse the hell out of me though because he was always very touchy feely with me and it wasn't like I ever said stop because there was always a part of me that did want to be with him that way. The problem is, I knew he was touchy feely and playful with everyone and so I never actually knew if he liked me like that. Therefore, to keep my heart safe, because at least for me feeling felt too vulnerable, and to make sure that we didn't lose our friendship I kept my head and just moved along like we were always friends.

    My assumption is that he feels like you guys could be more than friends but he's afraid to lose you or get hurt. Telling someone you like them is very risky, and it involves feelings. At least for me, I have this attraction for ISFP's where I am almost a little addicted. It may just be me, but there's something about how calm and sweet you guys are, not to mention you sort of light up the world in you're own sort of quiet way. He does all sorts of things that confuse me and I am always very intrigued. I would try making some kind of move and see how he reacts, although he may not because he doesn't know that you're necessarily doing this for him, so make sure that he knows you're giving him special treatment that is different from what you give others. But be playful and see if he flirts back more. If he starts really caring about you he'll give you special treatment as well. There may be a point though, where you may just have to be direct, even if it's hard.

    I could be completely wrong here. And I am a girl so maybe that makes a difference. I just know about that ISFP/ESTJ connection, and it seems to be really amazing. Not to mention the kinds of stuff you end up teaching each other. Good luck! I hope it works out!

  3. #3
    ISFP - The Artists

    Thanks for that, I will definitely try to be more playful and flirty. But I wear my feelings on my sleeve, and I do treat him differently from others already. We have this amazing relationship apart from our others friends, with whom we are close with as well like extended family. So what would it look like when an ESTJ is giving someone special attention?

    I also totally get that special bond, for me an ESTJ is like my compass, always pointing north, grounding me. I depend on this guy so much for advice and I value his point of view more than anyone.

    I am used to men being direct, and haven't really been in a situation where I have feelings for someone and am sure how they feel. The fact that he's an ESTJ just makes it that much harder because it's so different from how I think.

    I am interested in the male perspective here, but thanks for your response as well.
    Posted via Mobile Device

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  5. #4
    ESTJ - The Guardians

    I tell people I like them by sharing feelings with them. We don't really do that very often, so I know I care about someone a lot if i can do that. Also, being touchy feely is a big thing too because I dont do it as often unless i like someone. I also will talk to them more, and call them more than other people. And I do things for them like give presents, or make food, or help with something. Also, be sort of spontaneous and surprise him, i usually hate when things are like that because then its out of my control and not expected. But for people I like I wont be upset at all and with the ISFP i'm friends with I kind of crave it more. You could try to get one of your friends to ask him. And see what kind of compliments he gives you, because we are not usually big on those or on appreciation comments. My main issue with my friends as that I was constantly torn between my head who was telling me to leave it alone because i didn't want to lose that friendship, or my heart who was telling me that this would be amazing and worth the risk, so most of the time i was stuck and didn't do anything. You might want to just tell your guy eventually though, because if you guys are really good friends, you can get passed it.

    also, I was just wondering, because I've never met anyone like my friend and I before. Do you guys share everything with each other? And i dont know if you feel this, but do you feel sort of drawn to him? I just feel like ISFP's and ESTJ's have this connection where there's just no way they cant feel drawn to each other, but maybe that's just me.

  6. #5
    ISFP - The Artists

    Yes! and Yes! I am drawn to him like a magnate. He's not the usual type of person I date or am attracted to, but I want him so badly.

    We both have major trust issues and never share with anyone things about ourselves, but he confides in me, and vice versa. We both aren't very touchy feely, but occasionally we'll be sitting next to each other or watching a movie together and our legs will touch, or I'll lean on his shoulder and he doesn't get tense or uncomfortable or try to move away. We are very comfortable together.

    I guess my biggest fear is that I'll lose his friendship by showing my feelings. His friendship is one of the most precious friendships that I've ever had. But, like you said, it may be worth the risk. And also, since we're both women, we're naturally a bit more emotional, I can't wait to see what a guy will have to say...
    Posted via Mobile Device

  7. #6
    ESTJ - The Guardians

    Ya its so weird. My friend and I became best friends because somehow we accidentally just poured our hearts out to each other before we were even friends. And we both feel this pull to tell each other whatever it is that's upsetting us. But agreed, the trust issues are also a huge one with us. We actually split up for 2 years because of it and then realized we couldn't actually let the other person be out of our lives forever, we just missed each other too much. I am also curious to see what guys my type have to say...liking your best friend makes everything so difficult.
    natashasghost thanked this post.

  8. #7
    ESTJ - The Guardians

    Also keep me updated on how things go! I'm very interested to see what happens, I really really really hope it works out!

  9. #8
    ISFP - The Artists

    Oh I will definitely keep you updated!
    Posted via Mobile Device

  10. #9
    ESTJ - The Guardians

    Okay so I talked to my guy friend who is also a ESTJ about this, not really using detail but asking in a general way. And he said that when he likes someone he pays more attention to them than other people, he's more ernest with them, even when joking around. The things he says to them have more significance and meanings than what he says to others. He then said that if one of his best friends told him that they liked him, he would be flattered, but mostly he wouldn't let it come between their friendship if he didn't like them back. And I agree, ESTJ's are very committed to their relationships, especially the really close ones and would never end them unless we felt like it was absolutely necessary.

    I was thinking that I told my ISFP friend that I liked him many years ago, and although he had a girlfriend at the time and was committed to her and didn't love me like that, or at least couldn't, I never really got a straight answer, our friendship didn't change at all. We actually became stronger and nothing really changed very much. Of course recently when he was drunk he told me that he thought i had bad timing when i said that, and always thought we'd end up getting married. But he claims he doesn't remember saying this so I have no idea what he really thinks.

    Anyway, just thought i'd let you know what my guy ESTJ friend said!

  11. #10
    ISFP - The Artists

    Awesome. Thanks for that!

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