[ESTP] Rant/stream of consciousness

Rant/stream of consciousness

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This is a discussion on Rant/stream of consciousness within the ESTP Forum - The Doers forums, part of the SP's Temperament Forum- The Creators category; Because a lot of other types have this and we don't. Every type needs to rant or post random thoughts ...

  1. #1

    Rant/stream of consciousness

    Because a lot of other types have this and we don't. Every type needs to rant or post random thoughts sometimes.

    And this could be happy rants too, like "i'm so proud of my friend who asked this person out i've been encouraging them for years" or "thank goodness the DLC for FIFA 19 was only $900 instead of $390280913840!"

    Without further ado,


  2. #2

    Families fucking suck ass

  3. #3

    I'll go because i wanted to rant.

    So my parents were discussing which uni programs to pursue in Canada if i wanted to go into geography, because i like geography and they like the idea of me working for NatGeo even more. And my stupid mouth went "U of British Columbia has the best geography program in Canada" and they were like WOW why are you not going there?

    So WHY?

    1. I live in the province of Ontario, which is 1 flight, a few hours, and many dollars away from Vancouver
    2. My parents earn about 20k a year combined because they are close-minded Chinese people who will not accept that they're immigrants and need to move on from their language at least FOR ONCE to learn English properly, get educated and trained, and get a good job. So they wouldn't have the money for me to go there.
    3. About money: Vancouver is the 2nd most expensive city to live in, for Canada. Toronto is first, but if i went to Toronto i wouldn't pay that much in commuting.
    4. They think it's mostly because i'll be away from my boyfriend who is going to the University of Ottawa. But no, i told myself long ago that neither i nor my parents would be able to afford all those debts going so far away, and i also didn't like the idea of repeatedly travelling trans-Canada just to get educated. I would love to travel, but later in life, when i'm financially stable and able to afford enjoying the travel.
    5. My boyfriend is a reason, because he's already going to be 5 hours away in fucking Ottawa. Even if he had chosen to study within a 2-hour radius of the Greater Toronto Area, i still wouldn't go that far. I'm a physically affectionate person and so is he. Just no.
    6. What's annoying is that they can use this to hold against me, "you shouldn't date because it will hold you back in life", blah blah blah. But i'm a highly realistic person and...keep reading...
    7. The biggest reason is money. My parents are so idealistic and naive, being like "go all-out on your education", "work harder today (with our nonexistent money, of course) to achieve a brighter tomorrow", "there's no way you'll find a job without a PhD even though we just discussed a PhD guy you know who hasn't been able to find a job in months", while i'm trying to stay realistic. THEY ARE LIKE PROPAGANDA MACHINES BUT MADE IN CHINA.
    8. Some Asian parents, like them, want to spend all their hearts out on their kids' educations and lives and their children end up way too dependent. Look how white and Latin kids around here grow up, i told them. I can't take their (nearly nonexistent) money forever.
    9. The fact that the money hardly exists. Canada has excessively paying welfare programs, you can live with a partner without either of you having a job, and my parents get lots of welfare. AND THEY'RE TELLING ME TO GO OUT THERE AND RISK THEIR NONEXISTENT MONEY. If i'm going into debt, i'm not making my parents pay off that debt.
    10. I will take student loans and apply for co-op and am planning to absolutely refuse their help unless i'm freaking desperate and starving.

    I'm just so pissed. Because yes, the boyfriend is a cause, but now they have this excuse against me and they're all like "dont worry we got money gurl" and i just want to tell them to fuck off. My mom (ISTJ, mind you) literally said in this responsible tone, "Don't think about the money that we don't have, because we will be able to provide you with it."

    I think she's just too desperate about achieving HER failed dreams, acting like any other parent would. She doesn't want to get fucking USED to this society, and i get that immigration is difficult and you can be attached, but look around you, all my immigrant friends' parents have found well-paying jobs in Canada because they have ACCEPTED their new reality and know that their time with their home is during the vacations, not every fucking DAY of their lives. They studied English pretty hard and they went to adult schools as well as job training so they could get a better job than a kindergarten supervisor working 10 hours per week at minimum wage.

    My dad worked harder on English and learned to code Python, which is HELL to earth impressive compared to my mom, but he has like 3 or 4 part-time jobs. He also is not accepting the possibility of going to some sort of school or perhaps the trades. Canada is very desperate for skilled trades workers, and here construction workers are paid very well compared to most other places, if you search it up.

    I do have many complaints about dad as well. At one point, he as an INTJ (i don't hate all INTJs, but he is just soooo difficult with perspectives!!! Not all Ns are open-minded and he proves that!) said that i could simply change my present relationship to long-distance without any difficulties. I wanted to say, "Have you ever been in love?" which i highly doubt, but that would have sounded too teen-ish. My parents literally waited until marriage to have sex even though they are not religious, just to be the responsible and overly conservative little *^&%$#$%&s they are. I don't know what that word was and i don't want to know.

    Yeah, he as a Se-inferior type might not value physical affection, but couldn't he at least understand SPENDING TIME TOGETHER? Long-distance doesn't just mean no-touch, it means almost-no-talk. Because we're both gonna be busy with adult life. If he didn't experience the need to be together with someone, couldn't he at least imagine that others needed it more than he did? So apparently Ni is supposed to help you see from different perspectives? Yeah, then i see both my parents have some clear developmental issues in personality. Especially as extremely emotionally immature Fi-tertiary types.

    Anyone who actually bothers to read this may say "yeah, your parents were in love", and i guess they were at some point, but how the hell would they have even wanted to get married if it weren't for the social expectation of having kids at 30? My aunt says that the reason they're together is that they can put up with how much time the other can waste while shopping (grocery shopping rarely takes less than an hour and a half). They have almost zero affection, my dad might give my mom a hug at times, and i've seen them give each other pecks on the cheeks maybe 3 times.

    They're all about discipline and behaviour and image presentation. Especially mom. And they've sacrificed so much of themselves for those...goals. They gave a lot to me and my sister too, for immigrating to a better place to live, but moving somewhere to find a better life for your kids and then emotionally lashing out at your kids for everything is SUCH a great way to be a parent.

    Most of us who are investigating self-discovery probably have had family issues, but GOSH what fucking ignorants those two are. They can never accept the truth or their mistakes. I could never tell this to them, i've been told by various family members, or it will break their courage indefinitely.

    I think their courage is broken indefinitely. When's the last time they've DARED to get out of their stupid comfort zones and try something that might work better than the dysfunctional system they run now?

    And oh, don't even bring me to the "family is #1". Makes no sense. We're just blood-related, you didn't even choose who i was going to be or a reason to "love" me. I guess a family could work, but it's not the best connection imo and THIS is no connection at all.

    Anyways, i'll go to either Waterloo, U of T, or uOttawa. Probably not Waterloo because of the extreme cold and the fact that they are open no matter what the weather is like.

    Now, back to the millions of projects i have to do because the Canadian education system believes projects are the very foundation to eternal student excellence.
    Last edited by Hottest_Commie_Ever; 06-03-2018 at 09:13 PM.
    Jawz and Tyche thanked this post.

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  5. #4

    Yeah maybe i have always been in disintegration since childhood. My childhood was horrific, parents would weave fear and anxiety into every possible existing thing instead of encouraging me and giving me support like normal parents. They literally radiated anxiety and i'm surprised nobody has diagnosed me with it on the spot yet. Perhaps i've shaken it off and instead went to live with anger.

    It's difficult, because it seems like disintegration is endless. I could be a 7 disintegrating into a 1, because many 1 traits i see in myself are negative. I could be a 1 disintegrating into a 4, because i can wallow in pity for so long when i am in a bad situation and can't get out of it and i just hate type 4 traits i see in myself in general. What if i just keep disintegrating to 2? I mean, just last week i was complaining about doing too much to please other people and make them comfortable and i felt like nothing was reciprocated, and i even posted a stupid thread about my bf not taking "initiative" in our relationship because i felt like a disintegrated 2.

    And what's next, 8? Yeah, i have anger issues. But i think that's the furthest i've gone, i haven't seen many negative traits from the leftover types. My worst moments are when i lash out with anger, violence, and aggression because of a perceived power struggle between me and people around me. But i am not a 2, because i don't integrate into a 4...i don't integrate into a 1...i might integrate into a 7, but i'll never know, because I DON'T FUCKING INTEGRATE.

    Completely unscientific, but what the heck, i feel rock-bottom most of these days anyways. Except when i get a hug from my amazing boyfriend who sooo wishes he could fix many of these problems i'm facing. Thanks for the uplifting moments, man.

    I hate the future! One cannot plan and one can only do...but one's life always gets worse, so what can you "do" to fix that?

    Things get better, they say. But looking over the course of most of my life, things have been below par more than 50% of the time, which technically isn't possible because par is the average. Okay, things have been emotionally bad/difficult more than 50% of the time. I would even say 65%.

    Things don't get better. Like Deadpool says, life is just train crashes with peaceful moments of happiness in between, and you take it or you leave it.

    Haha, get it? Take your life...or leave it? Same thing, hahaha....i'm not suicidal, i just think joking about things i'm pissed about and can't change makes me feel better. And it is better than wallowing in pity.
    Jawz and Tyche thanked this post.

  6. #5

    I read the above, and as a former Canadian, I kind of feel like I have to say that you shouldn't blame your parents. Almost all of Canada is doing poorly or below average and immigrants to Canada are made to feel like they are failures when in fact, the Canadian system fails immigrants.

    Search: "Not Canada" on Google and pull up archive of an old/dead movement from the early 2000's that exposed the Canadian immigrant system. I haven't been back to Canada to seriously try to build a life there since. Almost everyone that I know from Pakistan that went to Canada to try to build their lives there have gone back to Pakistan ... and like an MLM SCAM they're the ones who feel like they failed.

    Connect the dots. Look up MLM recruitment scams. Then compare and contrast it to Canada's immigration system and you'll find some incredibly similarities.

    I'm sure your parents have tried to get good jobs but they probably get turned down citing that they need Canadian experience ... Which is ludicrous. What they really mean is that Canadian immigrants HAVE to get menial labor jobs but by the time they have "canadian experience" they are so far removed from their careers that they can no longer enter those Careers.

    Canada's real unemployment rate is somewhere around 20% if you strip away the lies the government tells you - which is one of the HIGHEST amongst all OECD countries. (Probably Australia has a bigger job crisis than Canada). It's even worse for immigrants.

    Canada basically wants people to come in and bring their wealth that they earned in other countries in order to bring more people into their ridiculous tax net. What they really want is that these immigrants will bring in about 50-100k to "start their new life" (it sounds like a CULT when you really think about it - and then hope that these immigrants will FILL the SHIT jobs local citizens do not want to do --- you know, the Canadian bums who live in trailers on government benefits.

    They want the Canadian Immigrant children to fill the gaps in the "intellectual" jobs. It's like a cult. That strips the parents of everything that made those parents valuable in their home countries ... in fact, even create discord in families where the children see their parents as failures through no fault of their own.

    I was once a Canadian immigrant before my parents realized that Canadian "immigration" is not worth it. It's just a shit load of empty promises.

    Canadian Immigration is an MLM scam. They don't even have jobs for locals and yet they keep bringing in millions. Most of whom spend a few years and then go back ... and many just end up sacrificing their children to alter of Canada's migrant cult that includes a web of loan sharks, banks and a life-long debt with EXTREME taxation.

    But muh free healthcare ...

    Fuck Canada.
    Last edited by SilentScream; 06-04-2018 at 06:11 AM.
    Hottest_Commie_Ever thanked this post.

  7. #6

    It's like I'm destined to be in a constant state of anxiety and stress. Just when I let my guard down and think everything is fine and stable, of course I have to find out that my mom went off the deep end and tried to make everyone keep it from me. Like we could just go the rest of our lives and never find out my mom's being charged with a dui. Everyone else is enabling her and it's going to cost my brother the only good things in his life. Not to mention that dumb bitch requested a fucking jury trial. That police report and toxicology report are going to bury her but she probably won't see jail time. Can I be an anti character witness? Some people never change and this is exactly why I have a problem with letting liars get another chance. I've been trained to do it my entire life.
    Jawz and Hottest_Commie_Ever thanked this post.

  8. #7

    I'm too driven by positivity ... With all the stress I can only think of the positive sides of MIL probably ending up in jail. I think a stint might actually help her. And it will remove the shackles she's placed on her son who she's manipulated to be a complete Mama's boy. even after her DUI he's sticking up for her over the mother of his child.

    Priorities son. Priorities. I'll have to give him a talking to at some point. He has never had a father figure and it's becoming a problem.
    Hottest_Commie_Ever thanked this post.

  9. #8

    @Arrogantly Grateful yep i've done a project on immigration a few years back and i definitely agree that they're not doing enough and have a pretty bad system in general. But if you've been to Canada, you must be able to imagine a school or a workplace full of different races. Or maybe not.

    Anyways, my school is about 20% white (born in Canada), 5% white (immigrants from Europe & Russia), 25% brown/west Asian, 20% Arab/Muslim, 15% east Asian, 5% south Asian, 5% black, 1-3% latino, and the rest are too hard to tell. I had to ask a guy for his ethnicity once, turns out he was partially Ojibwe, filipino, and white, and I don't remember the rest. And the reason we rarely have Latin people is that they prefer Catholic schools and this is a non-Catholic high school.

    The point is, there are many, many, many, many immigrants here that have survived and thrived, despite their race, religion, home country, etc. I've met many people from Pakistan and India. There is not much evidence of those "rejected" by this awful system we have, but surely, it is more than possible to succeed. This is a personal problem.

    My mom has lived here for many years and can barely understand English because she hasn't tried to learn. My father has fared better with being open-minded to change, and as i stated somewhere in the rant, he has a few more jobs than she does. They still don't have a steady income and while i know it's hard to find jobs, i also happen to know my boyfriend's father who worked very hard for a couple of years to learn English and go to school/training in Canada and is now an accountant making maybe double, triple, or quadruple the income of my parents.

    For many immigrants it can simply be a mindset issue. I mean, if my parents had the energy to have my sister here, then they definitely had the potential to work hard and do what it takes - albeit unfair and disgusting - to get a decent job. Sure, there are other immigrants who seriously struggle for the same reasons you mentioned, and i think MLM is actually illegal in China, but my parents have had plenty of opportunities.

    As another proof that it's their personal problem rather than the country's fault, they barely have friends. We have 2 other Chinese families we hang out with maybe once or twice a year, and my dad used to go to this association of Chinese convenience store owners (the stereotype has to come from somewhere). I know that not everyone likes huge parties all the time, but they don't have friends. Close friends, friends that introverted types like them need regardless of how "anti-social" they claim to be. And i can tell that they are social creatures because, for God's sake, they were raised in China. Had tons of friends there. Here? They don't even try to join Chinese clubs or anything anymore.

    It can be the system's fault in many cases, but trust me when i say this is a lot more of my parents' personal issues. They simply don't know the meaning of courage
    Jawz thanked this post.

  10. #9

    Would you lay off the crack already? Seriously I get it. The weather has warmed up, you've emerged from your hidey holes in search of the illusive rock. But some people have jobs, responsibilities, and we don't appreciate you acting a fool walking down the street yelling at your inbred girlfriend. Yeah, half the people in this hick town are related, why the fuck did I move here, I ask myself for the 500th time. Rather be celibate then date a man who looks like a poster child for birth control.

  11. #10

    Quote Originally Posted by WhatIsYourConfirmationBia View Post
    Would you lay off the crack already? Seriously I get it. The weather has warmed up, you've emerged from your hidey holes in search of the illusive rock. But some people have jobs, responsibilities, and we don't appreciate you acting a fool walking down the street yelling at your inbred girlfriend. Yeah, half the people in this hick town are related, why the fuck did I move here, I ask myself for the 500th time. Rather be celibate then date a man who looks like a poster child for birth control.
    *smirks* You may be calling that wrong... Sounds more XSFX to me
    Tyche thanked this post.

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