Hi. I'm an ISFP who has recently split from my partner/long time friend who I strongly believe is an ESTP. I could really use some insight on this situation because we work together and he's been completely avoiding me since. I'm trying to understand his POV and also to not make things worse.
We broke up as the result of a fight. It started out simple; we were watching a show and I had an opinion on something I considered a moral dilemma in it which he did not. Him disagreeing wasn't a problem, however I think between the way I was sharing my side and the way he was sharing his, it somehow exploded. We got quiet after that. I was definitely experiencing some insecurities while I was laying there silently; we were still new as far as dating goes, and as someone who doesn't often feel I can express myself, I guess it hurt to feel like doing so would lead to conflict. I asked to go downstairs and think (his house.) Later on he came downstairs to get a beer -- at this point I hadn't yet realized he was already intoxicated -- and it sounded like he was slamming things so I confronted him about it. The argument started all over again. I expressed I didn't like how he was insinuating I don't agree with him simply because I don't understand things, instead of trying to see my POV at all. He expressed that he felt I was complicated, that he didn't like my tone, and that he was starting to suspect I was pissing him off on purpose. I guess I was also cutting him off from speaking a few times without realizing (something I do sometimes unintentionally when my feelings are talking for me) because that set him off, too. In his defense he tried to tell me he was drunk and wanted to discuss it in the morning. But I was so hurt at that point that I couldn't let everything else he'd said go. I told him angrily he should get with someone not as complicated then. At that point he had shut down basically deciding to ignore I was there anymore, I was crying, and I went home.
The next day at work he was avoiding me, which I of course understood. A mutual friend spoke to him and he told her he was going to start attending AA meetings (apparently he felt he'd been struggling with alcoholism for a while.) I sent a message later that night apologizing, saying I hadn't meant to make him that angry and that I eventually wanted to be there as a friend or even an acquaintance. No response which I was expecting. However it's been a week and I still see him visibly dodging me which feels so unnecessary. So I sent my final one today asking if we could at least be civil, because I've been avoiding going to his department just to not risk making him uncomfortable. Again, no reply. I really wish I fully understood what he was thinking. My biggest fear is that he'll let so much time go by that he decides it's best just not to speak to me at all anymore. As if the really good times we had never meant anything. At the very least he could stop demonizing me to the point where he doesn't move away just because I'm near. That hurts the most, seeing as we were so close just a week ago.
If it's impossible to talk to him now, so be it. I know I can't force him into anything nor would I want to. I'm just trying to understand if there's anything I can do to help this become more amicable. If I can understand his headspace better. And if there's something I did that I could have done much better for the future.