[ESTP] Are ESTPs and ISFJs a Good Match? - Page 2

Are ESTPs and ISFJs a Good Match?

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This is a discussion on Are ESTPs and ISFJs a Good Match? within the ESTP Forum - The Doers forums, part of the SP's Temperament Forum- The Creators category; Yeah pretty much. ENTJs gets mistyped as ESTPs and INFPs get mistyped as ISFJs. So it will be no surprise ...

  1. #11
    Unknown Personality

    Yeah pretty much. ENTJs gets mistyped as ESTPs and INFPs get mistyped as ISFJs. So it will be no surprise that both of you will get along great since INFP and ESTP are duals and ENTJ and ISFJ are duals. I’m not saying that you guys are mistyped, I’m saying that you will get along great since both of you are very similar to each other’s duals.
    My ISFJ friend married an ENTJ and his brother is an ESTP. Let me just say that I’m getting suspicious. The ESTP spends a lot of his time with ExxPs, so he was quite intrigued when he met the ISFJ friend of mine. Whenever the ISFJ talks to the ESTP, he looks at her with eyes that shine lol
    StandardLawyer and Modal Soul thanked this post.

  2. #12
    ENTP - The Visionaries


    Every time I've seen this relationship play out, it works out quite beautifully for the ESTP and is a disaster for the ISFJ.

  3. #13
    ESTP - The Doers

    After reading this thread I feel I am living the worst part of the ESTP/ISFJ matchup. I am probably the poster boy for ESTP and she is very much ISFJ so much so that she went from loving and caring to mothering and demanding...I guess she views my behavior as adolescent because I use very little stucture that she approves of and I tend to do things on a sporadically...this is magnified if there is a family outing/trip...if things dont go according to strictly laid out plans (her) ...I am ok with it...I can roll with the punches and she takes any change in course personal and emotional...since I am so laid back with most things she thinks I don't care...which actually means I am not concerned...there is much consideration with wording and phrasing during our converstations (on my part only) because every word could mean an emotional outbreak and meltdown if it doesnt fall according to plan or rules she has laid years in advance...
    njchick thanked this post.

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  5. #14
    ESTP - The Doers

    I think the friendship between these two is great but the everyday, whether working together or marriage is stressful for both.
    I had an ISFJ assistant and I felt like I was walking on eggshells with my words as well. She had very little tolerance for anyone who was not structured. Very moody person. I had very little tolerance for her mood swings and inability to come up with solutions on her own; needless to say it did not end well.
    elvis2010 thanked this post.

  6. #15
    ESTP - The Doers

    Quote Originally Posted by Thane99 View Post
    After reading this thread I feel I am living the worst part of the ESTP/ISFJ matchup. I am probably the poster boy for ESTP and she is very much ISFJ so much so that she went from loving and caring to mothering and demanding
    I just divorced an ISFJ woman Thane, and I can assure of one thing... it is never going to get better. That loving and caring part gets less and less, and she will remember every time you hurt or offend her, even a decade or so ago, and will bring it up often and at the worst times.


    Quote Originally Posted by Thane99 View Post
    ...I guess she views my behavior as adolescent because I use very little stucture that she approves of and I tend to do things on a sporadically...this is magnified if there is a family outing/trip...if things dont go according to strictly laid out plans (her) ...I am ok with it...I can roll with the punches and she takes any change in course personal and emotional...since I am so laid back with most things she thinks I don't care...which actually means I am not concerned...there is much consideration with wording and phrasing during our converstations (on my part only) because every word could mean an emotional outbreak and meltdown if it doesnt fall according to plan or rules she has laid years in advance...
    This is the egg shell walking that NJ Chick was talking about, and believe it or not, it is not just limited to you. She probably is doing it to your friends and family. My ISTP brother, as laid back and inoffensive a person you will find, used the term "old folk's home", and she scolded him so harshly for it that he remembered it years later. Since the divorce not one member of my family has commented that they miss her. Quite frankly, I thought the egg shell walking was limited to me.

    If I had to do it over again, (and I wouldn't. LOL.), I would make a very detailed ISFJ rule book with specific punishments if they step out of line and carry out the punishments, but that is VERY J like behavior to expect from an ESTP.
    njchick, jacy and Modal Soul thanked this post.

  7. #16
    ESTP - The Doers

    Quote Originally Posted by elvis2010 View Post
    I just divorced an ISFJ woman Thane, and I can assure of one thing... it is never going to get better. That loving and caring part gets less and less, and she will remember every time you hurt or offend her, even a decade or so ago, and will bring it up often and at the worst times.




    This is the egg shell walking that NJ Chick was talking about, and believe it or not, it is not just limited to you. She probably is doing it to your friends and family. My ISTP brother, as laid back and inoffensive a person you will find, used the term "old folk's home", and she scolded him so harshly for it that he remembered it years later. Since the divorce not one member of my family has commented that they miss her. Quite frankly, I thought the egg shell walking was limited to me.

    If I had to do it over again, (and I wouldn't. LOL.), I would make a very detailed ISFJ rule book with specific punishments if they step out of line and carry out the punishments, but that is VERY J like behavior to expect from an ESTP.
    thanx in advance for letting me rant...this is the closest thing i have found to understanding my wife's behavior or finding anybody else that can explain some of it for me...I am so open and she is so closed in...wow

    It's taken me years to understand just a small bit of her, since she will not talk about her inner workings to me...I'm her husband and confiding in me is the worst punishment she could think of...but she does listen to me and my explanations after we have an arguement...its odd because she will argue her side until she is ready for a divorce and the next morning she is doing what I said would work like it was her idea the whole time...she will never let me win persay...actually i dont want to win i just want to understand and get along...she has nearly decimated any emotional strength I had...It is the only way she knows how to effectively fight...so now she complains that I have no emotions at all (of course a 13month tour to Iraq didn't help things along either) and after 13 years of living with an emotional rollercoaster, one tour to Iraq, and one exhausting pregnancy we are still together our second pregnancy was cake compared to the first one...OMG if I had to deal with her all over again...I would most certainly have filed within the first year...i love her to death, but she is too much for me to live with and hope to enjoy life at the same time...if your wondering...yeah after the kids are gone "my" plan is to begin filing...and staying together for the kids is a bad thing if you ask most people, the difference is I have finally taught her how to be civil in front of the kids(another long story)..they know nothing of the crumbling emotional side to our marriage...

    on a side note...give her a beer/shot and she is a decent human being...just a nip now...not wasted...she can let herself have fun, be happy, be spontaineous, she will let herself enjoy life, once the buzz is gone its back to dreary, structured, and controlling...

  8. #17
    ISTJ - The Duty Fulfillers

    Male ESTP with female ISFJ, yes.

    Male ISFJ with female ESTP, STAY AWAY FROM OUR ESTPs!

  9. #18
    ESTP - The Doers

    Yes it had gotten to the point where I didn't even want to come into the office. It's my company. lol
    She had become such a downer and totally squashed the happiness in the office. Unfortunately she is my SIL so I hung in because I didn't want to hurt her financially by firing her. And we ESTPs are aware that we can endure a lot. Like you said Thane99, for the sake of your kids.

    I had thought, "she is very process oriented, etc. this was a good thing for an assistant, because I am not." I hate process; I despise future planning. Yet I get so much done anyhow. I'm too busy making more and more money. That's my job as the owner of the company. That's why I pay people like her; to do the things I don't want to do. But no, she wanted me to come to see her ways. Her way was what was "right" in her mind.
    So I'd find myself either biting my tongue or cutting her head off with one abrupt sentence in order to put her back in line. It was really unhealthy for both of us.

  10. #19
    ESTP - The Doers

    well 16 years lol for me sex thats the way im telling ya. ya want it to work yaya im not in the mood i get it no she's fibbing to ya to control ya trust me she wants lots of sex 13 years of hell to find out that's it all thy want to know is you wantthem "not love" but want them no its not the same "say it with me" want"" ya now you get it we as ESTPs can use this touch her a#$ while she is cooking doing laundry and such trust me touch touch touch it always ands up to sex sex sex "have ya not noticed how after sex no matter what you do the next day all is good lol" so plz take my word if she is being a b:"%@ start touching her and have lots of sex and you will be a happy happy man yep after awile you get use to it but will last well 3 years so far for hear

  11. #20
    Unknown Personality

    Yes it had gotten to the point where I didn't even want to come into the office. It's my company. lol
    She had become such a downer and totally squashed the happiness in the office. Unfortunately she is my SIL so I hung in because I didn't want to hurt her financially by firing her. And we ESTPs are aware that we can endure a lot. Like you said Thane99, for the sake of your kids.
    ISFJs do seem to have a certain depressing effect on ESTPs. And they are more detail-oriented than the ESTP really cares for.
    njchick thanked this post.


     
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