What event or events contributed to your personality? - Page 2

What event or events contributed to your personality?

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This is a discussion on What event or events contributed to your personality? within the General Chat forums, part of the The Cafe Lounge category; hm.... if there's any correlation between my personality and background, it's that I'm extraordinarily stubborn. I've gotten nothing but hassle ...

  1. #11

    hm.... if there's any correlation between my personality and background, it's that I'm extraordinarily stubborn. I've gotten nothing but hassle for INTP characteristics from parents... and they were there from a young age, alright. I've been stubbornly individualistic from day 1... I was watching some home movies this summer, and my brother (4 years older) kept trying to get a 2-3ish year old "me" to play with him, and I kept getting bored and walking around the yard to look at things on my own. My parents told me I actually taught myself how to read, occasionally asking my brother "and what sound does ___ make?" every time I forgot one. I know I could multiply and divide before school, too, because my dad explained the idea of division once and then asked me two questions... first "what's 100 divided by 4?" and I immediately answered "25." When he asked me how I knew, I said "4 quarters in a dollar!" So, thinking I didn't really get it, asked what 100 divided by 5 was. I sat there for "a while" (not sure how long) and said with impatience "20. ...[little hesitation]... dad, I get it already."

    If anything actually did mold me... it must be the core of stubbornness. Supposedly my dad tried to teach me what hot was by heating up a cup to warm, putting my hand near it, and saying "hot," (which seems like a very sensing thing to do, to me). lol but when I was outside and he was grilling something, and he said "this grill is hot" the first time... contrary to his hopes, I distinctly remember thinking "how hot could something be?" and touching it anyway . haha that one backfired quite a bit.... "warm" feels good, "hot" does not. Maybe that pushed me away from learning by Sensing.

    The same goes for Judging. Both my parents are SJs, and they equated J-ness (organization, discipline, planning) with maturity. Every time I acted like a P, they would get upset. It also kept me away from quite a few sleepovers and having out with friends, because they needed (in my opinion) obscene amounts of forewarning to even have a chance of letting me do anything. Perhaps the frustration turned me Perceiving.

    Thinking was another one... you'd think with two STJ parents that wouldn't be a problem, but Ti and Te are much different. A pronounced Te they would have been thrilled with... since it's a Judging function extroverted. A pronounced Ti made them think I was neurotic or at least weird. All the little rules and games I used to come up with that lead to twitching and odd motions and habits (the details of which are getting too far from the relevance of the thread) just worried them to the point where they tried, gently, to push me to go see a doctor to make sure there was nothing wrong with my brain... but I stubbornly refused.

    The I/E, on the other hand, they never pushed me either way. Well... only when I started to turn what looked "unhealthily" introverted did they start to get concerned about that too (I used to play with kids fine when I was younger. Then a bunch of stuff happened and I stopped, so they only tried to push extroversion because of the change--which was, at least, a legitimate concern).

    As for the strong F-side... that's largely due to my brother and friends. As much as the STJ parents grated against me, the ENFP brother took it all much harder (and fought back quite a bit more, too). Try telling an ENFP to plan and think instead of deciding by instinct.... see how that works out for you. Let them go by their instincts, and it's amazing how much better their decisions turn out to be. I think that watching that opened my eyes to subjectivity a good deal, how opposite decision making can land you at the same places. It just took a solid 16 years for me to get to that point .

    So to answer your question... if everything in my past is what made me who I am now, then I am, at the core, one extremely stubborn person. *shrug*.... doesn't sound unreasonable to me.

  2. #12

    I think the NFP of my personality was there to start. It certainly wasn't shaped by my parents; it would have been easier growing up a different set. Cryptonia's comments above sound a little familiar.

    Looking more into I and E, though, I'm starting to wonder if I didn't start as an E and dipped into I for survival? I grew up pretty far out of town, and my parents didn't like driving us anywhere when they were home from work. My social life really started when I was sixteen and could drive, but by then, I felt so removed, I couldn't really get the ball rolling.

    I'm now in a place with a greater social circle. After a weekend of gatherings, bbq's, games days or parties, I will usually spend the next weekend wanting to sit in one place without seeing a bunch of people. But I don't really need to be *completely* alone then; I'd enjoy it being just a quiet weekend watching TV and snuggling or the like.

    Hmm, maybe a few more years like this, I'll turn into an ENFP.

  3. #13

    I think a lot of things contributed to me becoming more passive. I think I fell in the ESFx category when I was younger. I'm not going to list every personal detail, but my soul was pretty much stomped on or shot down. So I shut down. That lead me to becoming more introverted. I still feel more like an INFP in some ways, but I over time I realized that it only got me walked on more. I don't know, I think I'm trying to hard to change myself into being something close to perfection. What I do know is that I don't feel like the same person I was years ago.

  4. #14

    Many of the life-changing episodes that come to mind are much too personal (and painful) to mention here. Here are a couple less painful ones.

    Now that I think about it, I think that my first real romantic relationship helped to break me out of my shell a great deal. I guess I've always been an INFP, but my dominant introverted intuition used to overshadow by far the other elements of my personality. My first girlfriend helped me to exercise my extroverted feeling side a lot more. I don't know if it was anything she did, though, or if it was simply the fact that being that close to another human being, an event which was so overwhelmingly outside of the boundaries of my own sense of self (as opposed to family relationships, which can't help but feel somehow a part of your own identity), helped me to become more extroverted in that way. But even as a small child, I remember that I was always empathetic.

    Falling in love for the first time (which incidentally does not involve the person of the relationship mentioned above--long story) awoke in me new ways of looking at the world and myself that I never had dreamed of. They say that at the touch of love everyone becomes a poet; I certainly did. And even though that love has passed, I am forever changed. I am the person I am today in a large part because of that relationship. It was a wonderful part of my life, and I am still a bit sad that it's over, even though we've been apart for a number of years now.

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