INTJ/INTP social confusion

INTJ/INTP social confusion

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This is a discussion on INTJ/INTP social confusion within the General Psychology forums, part of the Topics of Interest category; As an INTx, I've wondered if any others have the burden of social confusion when it comes to interacting past ...

  1. #1

    INTJ/INTP social confusion

    As an INTx, I've wondered if any others have the burden of social confusion when it comes to interacting past the small talk threshold; especially INTJs. Usually, after enduring a few minutes bantering lightly with others, the conversation ceases when excitement arises and I become the inferior associate of the group. I'm not so sure if this applies universally to most INTxs, but it's as if I cannot drop my serious persona; I'm constantly constructing and re-evaluating my words before I speak, and my mind can't comprehend the pace that others normally speak at.

    That doesn't piece well with my social anxiety either; SA leaves me excessively sweating, reducing the efficiency and fluency of language, handicapping my mind and builds an acute paranoia. Having both SA and little expertise in socializing also seems to bring out my Fi and Se more, and tampers my assertiveness (I'm vastly passive when crippled by SA).

    Anyway, I assume my point has been made.

    Are there any other INTxs (INTJs in particular) that have a similar problem to me? Experiences? Solutions?



  2. #2

    Don't let this thread collect dust, someone contribute!

    Don't be shy now...

  3. #3

    Yep, I'm really bad with this. I think it is a universal INTx problem, but I can't speak for everyone. I don't start sweating, but I lose some assertiveness as well. Also, sometimes when the conversation is going too fast, my voice kind of trembles (it's so embarrassing!).

    I think I've gotten a little better now because I don't think about what other people will think of me. I take less time thinking of what I'm going to say (I know, easier said than done, but practice), and just say what's on my mind. Turns out, most people still comprehend what I'm saying anyway.

    What's your acute paranoia about?

    I can't offer a definite solution, but here are some things that worked for me:

    1. Don't care about what other people will think of you: You don't have to prove anything to anyone or go by their perception of you.

    2. Act like you're in control at all times: A lot of the time, people don't notice small things that give away nervousness, such as a little sweatiness or a trembling voice. In other words, don't make your SA seem worse than it really is.

    3. Try to shift the conversation to something that you're knowledgeable about: That might help you feel more comfortable and in charge.
    Mr.Katzenjammer and cdeuterian thanked this post.

  4. #4

    Well, I've inherited SA through my mother; and DXM exacerbated the conditions of it. Social anxiety pretty much increases the awkward tension in interaction, so I'm even more detached from present being.

    I'm mainly paranoid about how I'm perceived as, since I'm dealing with people in a context where I'm barely experienced in.

  5. #5

    Quote Originally Posted by Mr.Katzenjammer View Post
    Well, I've inherited SA through my mother; and DXM exacerbated the conditions of it. Social anxiety pretty much increases the awkward tension in interaction, so I'm even more detached from present being.

    I'm mainly paranoid about how I'm perceived as, since I'm dealing with people in a context where I'm barely experienced in.
    Hm...well, why are you paranoid about how you're perceived by people?

  6. #6

    Quote Originally Posted by SilverScorpio17 View Post
    Hm...well, why are you paranoid about how you're perceived by people?
    I've been told about my abnormal stances, I'm usually unaware of how inappropriate my body language is.

  7. #7

    Quote Originally Posted by Mr.Katzenjammer View Post
    Usually, after enduring a few minutes bantering lightly with others, the conversation ceases when excitement arises and I become the inferior associate of the group.
    For me, it can be absolute hell trying to keep up with a fast-paced conversation. Unless it's something I'm interested in, it just does not sink in. I have to ask a lot of questions and frequently need them to repeat themselves, or else I end up coming from left-field. Sometimes people think I have problems with auditory processing

    I don't have SA, but since I'm so used to being in my head, I like to go over things carefully in my head before I speak (both about what the other has said and what I am going to say). I don't make eye contact unless I'm being forced somehow, so when I'm silent and not making eye contact, they get offended and accuse me of ignoring them. Since that's happened far too many times, now I have to speak using "fillers". Doing it for so long starts to drain me, which effectively makes it even more difficult to follow and participate in the conversation (until it's too chaotic and I just give up). In general I prefer to speak mostly with close friends (people who are used to my communication style).

    Quote Originally Posted by Mr.Katzenjammer View Post
    I'm not so sure if this applies universally to most INTxs, but it's as if I cannot drop my serious persona; I'm constantly constructing and re-evaluating my words before I speak, and my mind can't comprehend the pace that others normally speak at.
    I don't really know what I can suggest as far as a solution goes.

    I can't really relate when you say you're most anxious about how you're being perceived, because after a while I became completely apathetic. This is most likely unproductive as far as suggesting a practical solution goes, but: I don't think the problem is you. Is it only you yourself who wants to change your speaking style? What do you hate about it most?

  8. #8

    If you have trouble keeping up with people just tell everyone to slow down. I see no problem with doing so. If you are missing intricacies just ask questions. This helps because it helps you better understand what they are saying and it shows that you are genuinely interested in what they are discussing.


    fiasco, I generally don't like to make eye contact with people either. What I suggest is just as they talk just say "mhmm", "yeah", or something to show you are listening. If when they are done speaking you're still unsure what to say then just tell them to give you a second to think about it. Or just say "hmm". Either way I think the trap you guys are falling into is worry too much what others think. If the conversation is going too slow then just slow it down. Why not? Are you worried they will think you're slow? Do you feel inferior to them? I see no reason to.

  9. #9

    Quote Originally Posted by Mr.Katzenjammer View Post
    I've been told about my abnormal stances, I'm usually unaware of how inappropriate my body language is.
    And I guess you probably feel a little embarrassed about that. Well, after you're told, do you think that your body language was inappropriate? If you don't think there was a problem, maybe you should just tell them that that's who you are and they should accept you for it.

    Have you actually tried anything to feel more comfortable in social situations?

  10. #10

    Quote Originally Posted by TurranMC View Post
    fiasco, I generally don't like to make eye contact with people either. What I suggest is just as they talk just say "mhmm", "yeah", or something to show you are listening. If when they are done speaking you're still unsure what to say then just tell them to give you a second to think about it. Or just say "hmm". Either way I think the trap you guys are falling into is worry too much what others think. If the conversation is going too slow then just slow it down. Why not? Are you worried they will think you're slow? Do you feel inferior to them? I see no reason to.
    Yeah, those are what I mean by fillers.

    I really hate doing it though, and I don't care enough to keep doing it, so I just don't. If they don't like it then usually the conversation ends there. It's too troublesome having to explain your little quirks to everyone you meet, so I tend to prefer to speak primarily with close friends who already know

    The problem with slowing down the conversation is just that I genuinely don't care. I don't care about the conversation or really getting anything from it (if I did, it definitely wouldn't be as difficult!). After a few years I've gotten beyond that point of caring so much about trying to be polite. Once I've given up on the conversation, I just make sure it dies. The only time I'm forced to put in effort beyond that is when I'm sitting for lectures or having a fast-speaking teacher explain something to me.
    TurranMC thanked this post.


     
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