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Bad Friendships or Being Alone?

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This is a discussion on Bad Friendships or Being Alone? within the General Psychology forums, part of the Topics of Interest category; Originally Posted by AnneM @ Emancipation I was puzzling over this quandary myself not so long ago. I remember the ...

  1. #21

    Quote Originally Posted by AnneM View Post
    @Emancipation

    I was puzzling over this quandary myself not so long ago. I remember the day I was bemoaning not having a friend just like me, who was interested in all the same things.....and I realized, "Hey! Me! I have me!" It's true: we're interested in all the same things, and we can talk for hours. We even sleep together, so you might say we're friends with benefits.
    I have a similar relationship with my reflection in the mirror! He's honestly the most beautiful person that I've ever met, inside and out. I'm so glad we found our soulmates!

    The two of us should become friends, expecting each other to be the ideal person we've been looking for, and then end up writing PerC threads about how awfully we disappointed each other. I already have a title in mind: "Are INFJs The Most Likely To Be Self Absorbed Bitchy Friends?" It will be such a saucy discussion!

    Quote Originally Posted by Senah View Post
    Look in new places for better friends. I find a lot of laziness today in friendships. People expect for others to do all the work, or for authentic friendships to fall into their laps if they just hang out. It doesn't really work that way. It is not only a two way street, you have to make effort in friendships, or you end up alone or with crappy friends.

    I like being alone, and being with awesome friends. I keep the number of friendships down so that I have time to tend to them. But you have to go out there and separate the chaff from the grain. If you have been getting mediocre results, look somewhere else. And remember, if you put in crappy effort, you will get crappy results. IMO
    Definitively. A part of why I came back to PerC is to make some new buddies, so I guess I'm already on a good path on actively searching for friends instead of just waiting for them to "fall into my lap." I have the excuse of my geographical location for why I can't easily find good people IRL, but I have no such excuse for why I can't find good people online.

    BTW, you'd be proud of how I tried to actively befriend a guy recently. I was the first to initiate us exchanging our phone numbers and stuff (but when I saw he isn't really interested in me I just let it slide away because I ain't desperately chasing aaaaaanyone).
    Senah and AnneM thanked this post.

  2. #22

    Alone or with people is not important.

    What matter is is it good to your plans ?

    Can you use them ?

  3. #23

    Quote Originally Posted by Abbaladon Arc V View Post
    Alone or with people is not important.

    What matter is is it good to your plans ?

    Can you use them ?
    hmmmm well i do plan to enslave the world, so a few accomplices COULD help..

    yes, yes... excellent!

    i think i have it figured out now
    AnneM thanked this post.

  4. #24

    I don't know how well I can answer this for you personally since you're an extrovert IIRC and I'm an introvert, but in my case I get by pretty well with a mostly solitary life. I try not to be bound by social obligations too much because they take free time away from my hobbies. As a teenager I used to try and make online friends everywhere I went, now I outright avoid it more and more as more time goes by. And I'm pretty okay with it, I rarely feel lonely, but my life has always been pretty solitary so I have no reason to want anything else. I have real life friends who I keep in touch with in Facebook group chats and very very occasionally go out and do things with but I wouldn't say they're especially close friendships.

    If you're unhappy with your friendships then you shouldn't force yourself into them. Friendships are a two-way street, you're their friend and they're your friend. If one person is a friend and the other isn't then it's a one-sided relationship and you may as well be talking to a wall. Bear in mind there is always a chance you could be misreading them, but if they do genuinely not care about you then there are better friends out there. As for whether you should bother having friends or fly solo, that's wholly down to you. If you're someone who needs connections to get by, then you shouldn't deprive yourself of that. No-one should be 100% alone either way alone, though. We're social creatures and we need connections in some form or we feel disconnected from the world as a whole, and that leads to all kinds of loneliness and depression.
    Emancipation thanked this post.

  5. #25

    for me, I would rather be alone

  6. #26

    Quote Originally Posted by Naofumi View Post
    Don't recommend being 100% alone for more that 4 months at a time. You'll start talking to volleyballs, and convert to Satanism.
    Unknown.jpeg
    X A N A and AnneM thanked this post.

  7. #27

    Quote Originally Posted by Emancipation View Post
    For a long time now, I've been disappointed with my friends and I started to become increasingly independent/capable of spending time alone. For example, I trained myself to not share certain things with them when I know they won't even bother convincingly feigning interest (though I brought up this issue to them and always give them attention, love and support they need me).

    At this point, I'm not sure should I still keep these friendships to satisfy my basic social needs or just completely ditch them until I find new friends (and we all know that forming new friendships is not easy).

    So, in essence, I'm asking you this:
    Is it better to have at least someone in your life that you can talk to, even if the conversatons are meh, or to be proud and fly solo?
    well fun fact, half your friends dont like you anyway.



    as for me, i got rid of my old best friend of 10 years about 6-7 months ago and havent looked back, i finally had the "moment" where i realized i was the one putting all the effort into keeping it going, id be the one to come back and resolve issues, try and fix things, and just make things work. bleh, damn 9s. just ignoring things :(

    anyway, i went several months with no "friends" to speak of. and im now friends with an intj. its way better. and definitely worth ditching crap friends for real ones.
    lolcatpe thanked this post.

  8. #28

    I prefer to be alone. I get social interaction through pets, social groups, online forums, and friendly chitchat at grocery stores and dog parks.
    Mzku thanked this post.

  9. #29

    Quote Originally Posted by lolcatpe View Post
    I prefer to be alone. I get social interaction through pets, social groups, online forums, and friendly chitchat at grocery stores and dog parks.
    thank you for this. just something id been super curious about whilst in my "seclusion/reclusive" status these past few years (6 ~ 7 so far) if it was possible there were others exactly like me, we were just content in our own solitude and simply hadn't bumped into one another yet
    lolcatpe thanked this post.

  10. #30

    if you can be alone, then be alone
    i personally can't so i hang out with a few bad relationships just because i wanna go out and see things, they are not exactly super bad or toxic but they are kinda empty, i was never interested in people tho, more about what was going on in the air
    Emancipation thanked this post.


     
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