Bad Friendships or Being Alone? - Page 7

Bad Friendships or Being Alone?

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This is a discussion on Bad Friendships or Being Alone? within the General Psychology forums, part of the Topics of Interest category; It really depends. for keeping: It's good to be giving love and attention and exercising your empathy and care for ...

  1. #61

    It really depends.

    for keeping:
    It's good to be giving love and attention and exercising your empathy and care for others even if they're not giving equally back, it makes you a better person anyways and gives you practice for future (hopefully better) relationships.

    When you get too used to being on your own, it can be hard to re-adjust to having people in your life, it can also become easier to miss opportunities to meet anyone else

    It's good to have people who might be willing to help you out or check in on you just in case something dire were to happen to you

    Often you meet people through other people so... you might finally meet someone you really do like through one of these mediocre friends - though that does depend a lot on what kind of people they have connections to - if they're all like them, then probably not.

    for ditching:
    But if the relationships are becoming toxic to you, creating more stress and negative emotions than they do positive it may be better to distance yourself.

    If you feel like they're being a bad influence on you in some way, you're probably also better off without them

    It can be very freeing to be on your own with no-one who has preconceptions of who you are or roles you always seem to fall into with them. It can be a great experience of re-discovering who you really are when you're only concerned with what you feel like doing and what you think of yourself. It can help strengthen your own sense of self, your values and direction in life, to be away from relationships where you've taken for granted the way others expectations have confined you. But I wouldn't recommend staying alone forever - perhaps some people do thrive that way, but I think most people thrive even more if they can find good relationships.

    It's really hard when the relationships you have aren't what you'd like them to be, but I guess you might ask yourself if you had some friends who really were the kind you'd like to have, would you be content keeping these other friends as more periphery secondary friends, or would you actually drop them completely? Just because one role isn't being filled in your life, doesn't mean the other side-roles that are full aren't worthwhile, but on the other hand if you're only talking to someone because there isn't anyone better it may just be distracting you from the hard work of finding someone more worthwhile.

  2. #62

    I'm also a loner. I do have acquaintances but that's about it. I think part of it has to do with my introverted personality. I can't complain, though. It's better this way, at least for me.

  3. #63

    Quote Originally Posted by Emancipation View Post
    For a long time now, I've been disappointed with my friends and I started to become increasingly independent/capable of spending time alone. For example, I trained myself to not share certain things with them when I know they won't even bother convincingly feigning interest (though I brought up this issue to them and always give them attention, love and support they need me).

    At this point, I'm not sure should I still keep these friendships to satisfy my basic social needs or just completely ditch them until I find new friends (and we all know that forming new friendships is not easy).

    So, in essence, I'm asking you this:
    Is it better to have at least someone in your life that you can talk to, even if the conversatons are meh, or to be proud and fly solo?
    Before jumping any conclusions ask yourself this are you looking for perfect friendships or good friendship. If the first youre better off alone and if the latter keep looking
    Bunniculla thanked this post.

  4. #64

    Oh that's easy, well for me anyway, I'd always pick being alone over having bad friendships. Who has time to be with people they don't even like that much? Forget that.
    And since I can't even seem to keep the good friendships for too long, I won't even bother to maintain bad ones anyway.

  5. #65

    Why would bad friendships be equated with being alone? Being alone a luxury

  6. #66

    Do you look for and expect more from them? If yes, maybe better off alone. If you can be open minded to them only being acquaintances that you contact every now and then, then maybe consider keeping but remembering not to expect too much.
    jamaix thanked this post.

  7. #67

    I don't think this is as black and white as the question makes it sound. There are friendships that are worth maintaining, and some that are not, but there can be some that fall into a wide grey area IMO.

    Currently I have an ISTJ friend who I'm really landing in this grey area with. At first, I allowed too much "hanging out" and was too willing to take him up on his pushy offers for help. As we've spent more time together, I've realized that, frequently, we annoy each other - he's prone to annoying a lot of people, it's really just his personality - but our initial "hit it off" has worn off (in a matter of 3 months).

    I don't have any other "get together" friends in the area. He and I can get along for shorter periods of time, or occasionally, but definitely not all the time. He wants to hang out way more than I do at this point - in fact, he's starting to feel rather clingy.

    IMO, the friendship doesn't need to be all or nothing - as long as he can chill on the clingy stuff, I think we can remain casual friends. Weekly, multiple times a week hang out friends? Not so much.

    Here's where friendships can add more complications though - sometimes what one person needs/wants/tolerates varies widely from the other. So, in my example, if he can't remain friends without being clingy, then I have to be open to accepting that the friendship won't last if I'm not wiling to deal with the clingy (which I'm not in this case).

    If push comes to shove though, I will choose my own sanity over a friendship. That doesn't mean all friendships fall into a good or bad category, and they all go through ups and downs. Then again, I'm a strong introvert, and while I want and need a "circle" I don't need one at the cost of being true to myself, either.
    Sensational thanked this post.

  8. #68

    My view is its not one size fits all

    Different friendships have different purposes

    Some friendships are for mutual support

    Sometimes some friendships are just for socializing and they have nothing to do with support

    I think it is ok to distinguish that certain people do not add more to your life outside of external interactions and socializing, just do what you have been doing and keep those people more at a distance and bay.
    Coonsy and AnneM thanked this post.

  9. #69

    The way you phrased it helped me to realize that society is more of an extrovert thing. Haha..

    Well.. Ive always been perfectly happy with my own company, so I dont feel so insecure that I need to rely on other people to maintain my feeling of security.

    Ive actually got a track record of quality friends, or no friends at all. Sure, its a lonely existence, but thats just until I find people that fit my standards of what it means to be a good person and friend.

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