Any Adoptees Here?

Any Adoptees Here?

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This is a discussion on Any Adoptees Here? within the General Psychology forums, part of the Topics of Interest category; I'm an adoptee. Really, there aren't a lot of places to talk to others like me. How many of my ...

  1. #1

    Any Adoptees Here?

    I'm an adoptee. Really, there aren't a lot of places to talk to others like me. How many of my fellow PerCers are adopted?

    I have a good book on adoption called The Primal Wound that I've actually yet to read but the little bit that I have looked at is very accurate regarding the unique struggles of an adoptee.

    Anyone?
    Snakecharmer, Bear987, Snakecharmer and 27 others thanked this post.



  2. #2

    A very close friend of mine was adopted as an infant, if that counts (no, probably not).

  3. #3

    I'm not, but my two sisters are (they are actually biological sisters). Amazing how big of a pain in the ass the adoption process was.

  4. #4

    I was adopted when I was 3 months old. I've always known. My parents handled it perfectly.

    It was a state adoption, and my parents never met my biological parents.

    I, however, met my biological mother around 2005. Interesting experience...
    intrasearching, Bear987, Jennywocky and 42 others thanked this post.

  5. #5

    Quote Originally Posted by Snakecharmer View Post
    I was adopted when I was 3 months old. I've always known. My parents handled it perfectly.

    It was a state adoption, and my parents never met my biological parents.

    I, however, met my biological mother around 2005. Interesting experience...
    Would you like to say anything more about meeting your biological mother? Are you glad you made that decision?

    Have you had any issues in your life that you attribute to having been adopted?

  6. #6

    Quote Originally Posted by intrasearching View Post
    Would you like to say anything more about meeting your biological mother? Are you glad you made that decision?

    Have you had any issues in your life that you attribute to having been adopted?
    I'm glad I made the decision so we could both have closure, but she tried to become a bigger part of my life than I was comfortable with. I finally had to stop contact. She called herself "mom" etc...after I asked her repeatedly to stop.

    Issues...well, I don't think so...I think my issues are caused by other things. I was fortunate enough to be adopted by a great family. :)

  7. #7

    @Snakecharmer

    Good for you for having the strength and self-preservation enough to cut contact when your bio-mother breached your boundaries. I am sure it must have been difficult and I am glad you are happy with your decision! :-)

    What I was basically trying to tease out of anyone who responded to this is a causal relationship between adoption and fear of abandonment. Anyone who has seen me around these forums knows that I struggle with fear of abandonment. I found a forum for adult adoptees and there was one particular thread that I read through where the adoptees had lifelong struggles with fear of abandonment that ruined their relationships.

    PerC is my community, so I wanted to connect with someone here on this issue. It's such a constant, niggling perturbation, and it's truly the bane of my existence. But of course, only one of my adoptive parents was good to me. The other (adoptive mother) was abusive to me, so I may have more intense issues than other adoptees with better adoptive parents.
    Jennywocky, Jennywocky, Jennywocky and 12 others thanked this post.

  8. #8

    My INFJ daughter is adopted (by us) from another country, there is no way to find her biological parents since they abandoned her.

    And yes, she's had some issues.

    In fact, shortly after we brought her home (around age 4), she was very very clingy to the degree no one could do anything around the house, and when she was asked just to stay in a different room, she went into hysterics for about half an hour. We didn't do that again. (We think the words used were similar to what her parents might have said when they abandoned her near a police station in her own home country.)

    She expresses her fear of abandonment, as best as I can tell, by not showing or letting herself attach easily. She's very protective of her emotions and usually acts kind of cool and detached about everything and doesn't let people in without some effort on her part. She's been through some therapy settings which has actually helped, but yes, I think her fear of abandonment has been shifted into fear of attachment (since if she attaches too much, she can get hurt). She's conscious of it and working on it. She's 15 now. As far as future relationships, I think it might some time before she finds someone she thinks is worth dating and trusts enough to open up that much.

    @intrasearching: I'm sorry one of your parents wasn't good to you. I don't even know what to say, or why people would adopt and then behave that way. I know it must have complicated your situation terribly, and I hope you have found some degree of peace and can continue to add to the number of people around you who you feel love from.

  9. #9

    @Jennywocky

    Thank you for sharing. I wish your daughter well. She is fortunate to have such well-meaning, informed parents. :-)

    My history certainly is damaging and complicated. Like your daughter, I also had fear of attachment. I was pursued last summer by someone who found me online. I was very withdrawn and hesitant but eventually she convinced me to let her in. A year and some months later, it has been good, but with a lot of chaos, and right now I'm really feeling like it's an unhealthy relationship for me for several reasons I won't delineate (because I wasn't asked for more info).

    I am in therapy but think it will take years to get anywhere because I can be triggered so easily, so constantly, to perceive betrayal/abandonment and if this relationship ends anytime soon I will consider myself too unhealthy for romantic involvement and maintain my singularity until something changes (who knows if it will) because this fear of abandonment is just so crazy-making.
    Jennywocky, Jennywocky, Jennywocky and 12 others thanked this post.

  10. #10

    I'm not adopted myself but as some of you may know, I do have an experience with it.

    My birth sister was adopted seventeen years ago, and she recently reached out and got into contact with me after all these years. It's a wonderful thing that has happened.


     

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