question too complicated (messy feelings, advice, trust in unconscious, relationship)

question too complicated (messy feelings, advice, trust in unconscious, relationship)

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This is a discussion on question too complicated (messy feelings, advice, trust in unconscious, relationship) within the General Psychology forums, part of the Topics of Interest category; ...

  1. #1

    question too complicated (messy feelings, advice, trust in unconscious, relationship)

    Hello! Feel free to redirect me to another forum, I don't know if this is the right one.
    Do you know when you are watching a movie/series and there's a psychologist who ask an ambiguous question/says an ambiguous statement and the patient answer it with a "self advice"(he thinks the psychologist insinuated the advice*) and then the psychologist says "your words, not mine" or something like that? Usually, in this cases, the psychologist advice the patient to follow his own advice.
    *correct me if I'm wrong: the ambiguous question/statement opens a door for id express itself as if another person was saying what he wants to say, so it can transpose the superego. Another explanation I find possible is that the question/statement forces the unconscious to "fill the blanks" with its own information.
    Ok, I was "talking to some trees" (I do believe nature can give us an answer, but I'll try to remain scientific and I expect you to do it if I don't) about a friend of mine for who I was in love with* at that time (about some weeks ago). The "answer" I "heard" was that a should talk to her about that (I didn't followed the "advice"). But it goes way messier than this:
    * I do not classify my feelings for her as "love" (they are very different from Eros, they cand be something between Philia , Ludus and Storge (if I can apply this as brother/sister relationship)). I really have no idea what I feel for her. I have had a close friend in the past and I have had been in love before, and what I feel for this friend is very different from the two previous feelings.
    I asked the I Ching (again, I do believe in synchronicity. However, I want an objective perspective here. I think I can considerate the I Ching poem as the ambiguous question/statement of the psychologist): "what is the best course of action to get to a social interaction which is congruent with my internal feelings for ms. x?". The answer as very clear to me: "Decreasing* with confidence(or with true, it changes from translation to translation)/ extremely good fortune and not a mistake/ it's favorable to have a direction to go(or to do something, it depends on the translation)/ how to do it?/ the sacrifice could be done with two bowls".
    *Decreasing means "to do the sacrifice".
    Interpretation (mine): The two bowls remind me (actually, one of the translations reminded me in one note) of a bible passage where a woman give two small coins, but it is everything she has. It is more than a lot of money from other people (Lucas 21.1-4). Coming back to the I Ching text, the "using to bowls in the sacrifice" means to "trust entirely in the universe" and give the situation everything or to not play safe. A/ this, to not play safe, means to tell her the messy truth; to not continue the friendship as it is (which is the safe option). B/ the bowls are recipients to be filled, one bowl may symbolize the friendship and the other one the romantic attraction, giving then both in the sacrifice is trying to explain my feelings for/toward her and saying this two feelings and their respective social interactions are different from my feelings and the social interaction I want (remember, I don't know my feelings for her and I have a hard time establishing social rules to a new kind of social interaction which I don't even know what name to give) to have with her, as if I were asking her in a date.
    The I Ching said very clearly it is not a mistake, but I thought about doing it before reading the I Ching (when talking to the trees), so "two" convergent information are saying to me to talk to her about this. Actually, three: one of theses days, in my church, they were saying the power of truth for solving the human problems. (it was in a very different context, but, as a believer of synchronicity, it makes sense).
    There is more, when I first met her (well, when we started to talk to each other more (before this time she was just a fellow/colleague), she seemed to like me more than just a friend (bodily language and something related with medium infatuation), or I could just be misreading the signals (Ni sees something and creates a wrong theory to the facts in the psychological phenomenon called projection). I really think the facts I saw were just she being an ENFJ (it will be explained further why I think my own theory is wrong(1)).
    OBS: when we started talking I didn't created the theory, only now. And I can say I had a higher infatuation for her at that time.
    *one random thing I only remembered to write now (it has relationship with synchronicity). I prayed to God (yeah, ISIS killing people and I do this selfish prayer) to meet someone like "Sophia" with whom I could have a relationship similar to the relationship ďJohnĒ has with ďSophiaĒ - Sophia and John are characters of a fiction I'm willing to write (I already know the plot and lots of characters, and their feeling are quite the same as the ones I'm experiencing right now. Well I guess my prayer was accepted hahahaha) and in the next day ms. x tells me she hates parties (and I discover we have a lot of things in common).
    (1): we were talking about random stuff and I bring to the table I think itís really interesting her dislike for hugs and physical contact, she tells me she used to be very affectionate, but some friends (I donít know it happened only once) of her had fallen for her and she associated it as a misunderstanding of their part and she said she suffered a lot because she was really attached to this/these friend(s). So this is why she doesnít hugs her friends (but she dislike hugs from male an female -> just theorizing: simple conditioning made her dislike physical contact). Once she told me she was very lucky to have a friend like me, so yes, I was 110% sure she saw me only as a friend until some days ago, when we were waiting for a lecture and I noticed her pupils more dilated then they should be (I attended two lectures at the same room, though not sitting in the same place, so the difference in pupil dilatation of ms. x and another fellow could have happened because of this, but the difference was quite significant (1.0-2.0mm of radius).
    However, Iím still 105% sure she likes me only as a friend. My question is simple: should I accept my own advice (=I Ching/Church/trees advice)?

    PS: I have posted in the ENFJ forum in the ďThe ask ENFJs relationship advice on ENFJs threadĒ something very similar to what Iím posting here, but I was asking for advice for my situation, here I want to know if I can trust my own mind. The advice I was given is impossible to be put in practice (donít understand it wrong, it was great advice and Iím thankful for it) because of some reasons (if it interest you guys Iíll post it later because I cant type anymore).

    Thanks and sorry for the English mistakes.




 

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