People who say "Share your feelings"

People who say "Share your feelings"

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This is a discussion on People who say "Share your feelings" within the General Psychology forums, part of the Topics of Interest category; Emotional people often want you to share your feelings but they cant really handle it if they dont like your ...

  1. #1

    People who say "Share your feelings"

    Emotional people often want you to share your feelings but they cant really handle it if they dont like your feelings. Its kind of like the question of "Does this dress make me look fat"? Now if you are a thinker you might be rather blunt and awnser honestly but this question is not asking for honesty. It seems the "Share your feelings" is not really a request to share your feelings, its more a request to act more emotional then you normally do. Which if you are more the rational type, acting emotional might be harder for you to do. It seems that a lot of times this has nothing to do with YOUR feelings.



  2. #2

    Hold Some of the Madness Back
    I think it's good to look at feelings like a gradient going from black to white. In the black part lies your 'darkest feelings' which are painful, irrational, and results from psychological defence mechanisms which makes them personal and 'hostile'. Feelings of this nature are caused by 'issues' that are unrelatable to the average person.

    Social Aspect
    Then there's the social aspect. 'Share your feelings', don't mean 'unload your darkness upon me'. It's a polite way to invite you to share feelings they might be able to help you with. If those feelings is 'I want to eat random peoples hair', they will have a hard time relating to you and will get scared.

    Do I Look Fat in This Dress?
    Look at the motive: Since most people have eyes and mirrors, they can make that judgement for themselves. The motive is not to look thin, it's to 'feel' pretty. To them it doesn't really matter if they look fat or not. A simple 'I think you look amazing' often does the trick, and you can word this in other creative ways: 'Girl I'd marry you right now if I could'.. etc.
    Last edited by Wiz; 08-25-2016 at 01:01 AM.

  3. #3

    It was a bit confusing for me to read, but I think I know what you're talking about, although I don't necessarily agree.

    If someone asks you to "share your feelings", I think they just want you to be more open with them. Emotionally driven people are often not looking for superficial conversations, of course I can only speak for myself, but I always look for deep conversations and consequently in-depth relationships.
    But yes, I can understand that that could be a bit more difficult if that doesn't come so naturally to you. (more difficult, maybe, but not insuperable) Also, I mean, don't hide behind the fact that you're a 'rational'. (I just thought that maybe you should be reminded of that...)

    But what you're also talking about is when someone asks you your opinion on something. Yes, emotionally driven people (like myself) can be sensitive, but we still want you to honest, no matter what. We don't want some kind of "special treatment", no! Just your opinion, which doens't mean you have to be rude about it. There's a big difference between 'being blunt' and 'being rude'. The secret lies in the tone, my friend. ;)
    And after all, that person is friends (or in a relationship) with you for a reason, therefor they very much know who you are.

    If someone asks you something expecting you to lie or to say something just to please them, then they are in the wrong, not you. In some ways you can call that being manipulative, which nobody really likes.

    I wanted to add this too: nothing is black and white. So what is the motive behind his/her question? Do they seek reassurance? Do they seek closeness?
    My question for you: is there something specific we are talking about here?
    (Then I'll be able to give you better advice...)
    Last edited by Braverose; 08-25-2016 at 01:28 AM.
    DOGSOUP and ninjahitsawall thanked this post.

  4. #4

    Quote Originally Posted by Braverose View Post
    It was a bit confusing for me to read, but I think I know what you're talking about, although I don't necessarily agree.

    If someone asks you to "share your feelings", I think they just want you to be more open with them. Emotionally driven people are often not looking for superficial conversations, of course, I can only speak for myself, but I always look for deep conversations and consequently in-depth relationships.
    But yes, I can understand that that could be a bit more difficult if that doesn't come so naturally to you. (more difficult, maybe, but not insuperable) Also, I mean, don't hide behind the fact that you're a 'rational'. (I just thought that maybe you should be reminded of that...)

    But what you're also talking about is when someone asks you your opinion on something. Yes, emotionally driven people (like myself) can be sensitive, but we still want you to honest, no matter what. We don't want some kind of "special treatment", no! Just your opinion, which doesn't mean you have to be rude about it. There's a big difference between 'being blunt' and 'being rude'. The secret lies in the tone, my friend. ;)
    And after all, that person is friends (or in a relationship) with you for a reason, therefor they very much know who you are.

    If someone asks you something expecting you to lie or to say something just to please them, then they are in the wrong, not you. In some ways you can call that being manipulative, which nobody really likes.

    I wanted to add this too: nothing is black and white. So what is the motive behind his/her question? Do they seek reassurance? Do they seek closeness?
    My question for you: is there something specific we are talking about here?
    (Then I'll be able to give you better advice...)
    The question is a lie. Sure someone can genuinely mean it but its often one of those questions used to mislead people. Most people who push you into being "Open" and "Sharing your feelings" Will retaliate when you actually do. The amount of violence or retaliation varies depending on the person but if they dont like what you are saying, things do tend to be rather hostile.

    Quote Originally Posted by Wiz View Post
    Hold Some of the Madness Back
    I think it's good to look at feelings like a gradient going from black to white. In the black part lies your 'darkest feelings' which are painful, irrational, and results from psychological defence mechanisms which makes them personal and 'hostile'. Feelings of this nature are caused by 'issues' that are unrelatable to the average person.

    Social Aspect
    Then there's the social aspect. 'Share your feelings', don't mean 'unload your darkness upon me'. It's a polite way to invite you to share feelings they might be able to help you with. If those feelings is 'I want to eat random peoples hair', they will have a hard time relating to you and will get scared.

    Do I Look Fat in This Dress?
    Look at the motive: Since most people have eyes and mirrors, they can make that judgement for themselves. The motive is not to look thin, it's to 'feel' pretty. To them it doesn't really matter if they look fat or not. A simple 'I think you look amazing' often does the trick, and you can word this in other creative ways: 'Girl I'd marry you right now if I could'.. etc.
    I do get your piont, especially on the last one. However what if someone honestly wants an opinion on how they look "to other people" and not totally looking for an ego stroke. Just becuase you look good to you, does not mean you look good to others and what others think about your apperence matters a lot more then what you yourself thinks. Its rational to think they might want an honest opinion, however we all learned the correct awnser to those type of questions is an "Ego Stroke".
    Last edited by MisterPerfect; 08-25-2016 at 01:42 AM.
    ninjahitsawall thanked this post.

  5. #5

    Quote Originally Posted by MisterPerfect View Post
    The question is a lie. Sure someone can genuinely mean it but its often one of those questions used to mislead people. Most people who push you into being "Open" and "Sharing your feelings" Will retaliate when you actually do. The amount of violence or retaliation varies depending on the person but if they dont like what you are saying, things do tend to be rather hostile.
    Am I correct that what you are saying comes down to this?
    - you feel like if you were to be 'open' with someone they would often misuse that knowledge afterwards?
    - and if you don't "play along" with their (for example) compliment-seeking question, they'll get hostile?

    I don't know, I'm a bit lost here...
    It would be really helpful if you gave an example so I'd know exactly what you were talking about.

  6. #6

    Quote Originally Posted by Braverose View Post
    Am I correct that what you are saying comes down to this?
    - you feel like if you were to be 'open' with someone they would often misuse that knowledge afterwards?
    - and if you don't "play along" with their (for example) compliment-seeking question, they'll get hostile?

    I don't know, I'm a bit lost here...
    It would be really helpful if you gave an example so I'd know exactly what you were talking about.
    Well while I do think that is true, that is not my point in my case. What you are describing is blackmail, and while I generally fear people using my secrets for blackmail in this particular case its more about agression vs destroying your sociol circle, job aspects, or those sort of things.

    Blackmail can be easily fixed by being the smartest man in the room, or just being so out of the loop no one notices you. Which is kind of what I ended up doing, being so out of the loop that no one notices me.

  7. #7

    omit post
    Last edited by Zelz; 08-25-2016 at 04:23 PM.

  8. #8

    Are you trying to say that deep down whenever someone says "share your feelings" they want you to share something they relate to? So in a way it's constructed feelings?
    MisterPerfect and ninjahitsawall thanked this post.

  9. #9

    Quote Originally Posted by Psychological Euphoria View Post
    Are you trying to say that deep down whenever someone says "share your feelings" they want you to share something they relate to? So in a way it's constructed feelings?
    Yes, Exactly
    ninjahitsawall thanked this post.

  10. #10

    Quote Originally Posted by MisterPerfect View Post
    Yes, Exactly
    Sharing feelings = Sharing opinions right? If said person asked you to share opinions and they did not like what they hear, then oh weeeeeeelllllllllll.


    I do agree with you however some people will get hostile and even resort to passive aggression, I've had this experience before.
    ninjahitsawall thanked this post.


     
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