[Generation X] Any Xer here still bitter?

Any Xer here still bitter?

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  • 2 Post By strawberryLola
  • 2 Post By Jennywocky

This is a discussion on Any Xer here still bitter? within the Generation X Forum forums, part of the The Generations category; Are you still pissed off about stuff that an Xer went thru growing up? Man, hanging out with my parents ...

  1. #1

    Any Xer here still bitter?

    Are you still pissed off about stuff that an Xer went thru growing up? Man, hanging out with my parents brings out stuff I've long forgotten ....I mean suppressed!!!! We should all just move on, but that wound never really goes away.



  2. #2
    Generation Y

    I try and understand the actions and behaviors that led them to do the things they did and forgive them as life is short, and the ones we love can pass away any second we take for granted of the times we could have spent together.

    Making amends with unfinished business with those we love does great justice in our daily lives. No grudges, no fears, full acceptance of the past (I dislike the phrase "It is what it is" but in this case it truly is). You can only move forward by understanding that (I'm guessing) most of these problems tend to move from one generation onto the next. And it's only up to us to place a barrier, stop that cycle and create that change we need in order to move on with a light heart. Take the good with the bad, so-to-speak.

  3. #3

    Quote Originally Posted by strawberryLola View Post
    I try and understand the actions and behaviors that led them to do the things they did and forgive them as life is short, and the ones we love can pass away any second we take for granted of the times we could have spent together.

    Making amends with unfinished business with those we love does great justice in our daily lives. No grudges, no fears, full acceptance of the past (I dislike the phrase "It is what it is" but in this case it truly is). You can only move forward by understanding that (I'm guessing) most of these problems tend to move from one generation onto the next. And it's only up to us to place a barrier, stop that cycle and create that change we need in order to move on with a light heart. Take the good with the bad, so-to-speak.
    Well, I'm not one to hold grudges. But if they haven't changed after 40+ years!!!...........

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  5. #4
    Generation X

    I dunno if this is really a Gen X thing, it just sounds like issues people have with parents -- although I think there are some generational dynamics in terms of "what parents are supposed to do" expectations.

    I got over frustration/bitterness long ago, it doesn't really help to hold onto it. My dad is the one who really put me through some shit and never recanted or was able to discuss anything, and he died before resolving anything at all. My mother grew a lot over the years to a point where we could have productive conversations, at least; and now we talk once a week and it's nice. But their culpability was different; my dad was usually aware of the problems but refused to entertain he had anything to do with them (he was an ESTP director-type who always needed to domineer relationships/situations), whereas my ISFJ mom usually just made mistakes but meant well, and she would try to listen but would sometimes have trouble understanding.

    I was aware of a lot of how they worked when I was young, but becoming a parent of three helped me grasp of the rest. My kids are all grown up and doing well and we have good relationships; but I made my own share of mistakes as a parent myself. But it's pretty incredible how listening, being open to admitting mistakes you've made, and adjusting course as you go works wonders with parent/kid relationships.

    I think honestly my parents' parenting style frustrated me a lot growing up based on my own personality needs; and it taught me what kind of parent I wanted to be.

  6. #5

    Quote Originally Posted by Jennywocky View Post
    I dunno if this is really a Gen X thing, it just sounds like issues people have with parents -- although I think there are some generational dynamics in terms of "what parents are supposed to do" expectations.

    I got over frustration/bitterness long ago, it doesn't really help to hold onto it. My dad is the one who really put me through some shit and never recanted or was able to discuss anything, and he died before resolving anything at all. My mother grew a lot over the years to a point where we could have productive conversations, at least; and now we talk once a week and it's nice. But their culpability was different; my dad was usually aware of the problems but refused to entertain he had anything to do with them (he was an ESTP director-type who always needed to domineer relationships/situations), whereas my ISFJ mom usually just made mistakes but meant well, and she would try to listen but would sometimes have trouble understanding.

    I was aware of a lot of how they worked when I was young, but becoming a parent of three helped me grasp of the rest. My kids are all grown up and doing well and we have good relationships; but I made my own share of mistakes as a parent myself. But it's pretty incredible how listening, being open to admitting mistakes you've made, and adjusting course as you go works wonders with parent/kid relationships.

    I think honestly my parents' parenting style frustrated me a lot growing up based on my own personality needs; and it taught me what kind of parent I wanted to be.
    Your dad and my dad should go bowling together(if your dad was still alive). As for my mom??............serveimage.gif
    Last edited by FreakingGettingOld; 09-14-2019 at 06:35 PM.

  7. #6

    Well, I'm currently in therapy in order to get over my bitterness. Then again, my family was pretty toxic and I've been diagnosed with C-PTSD. So, I have to agree with @Jennywocky as far as it may not only be a Gen X thing but more of a generational pathology and it's up to us to break this pattern so that we don't pass it on to our children. That is, if it's not too late.

  8. #7
    Generation X

    It's unclear to me what I should be bitter about, in terms of the era I grew up in. I was born in the mid '70s so pretty much core GenX. I have things to be bitter about with respect to my own personal experience (though I choose not to be) but they had nothing to do with the times.

  9. #8

    Quote Originally Posted by Jennywocky View Post
    I dunno if this is really a Gen X thing, it just sounds like issues people have with parents -- although I think there are some generational dynamics in terms of "what parents are supposed to do" expectations.

    I got over frustration/bitterness long ago, it doesn't really help to hold onto it. My dad is the one who really put me through some shit and never recanted or was able to discuss anything, and he died before resolving anything at all. My mother grew a lot over the years to a point where we could have productive conversations, at least; and now we talk once a week and it's nice. But their culpability was different; my dad was usually aware of the problems but refused to entertain he had anything to do with them (he was an ESTP director-type who always needed to domineer relationships/situations), whereas my ISFJ mom usually just made mistakes but meant well, and she would try to listen but would sometimes have trouble understanding.

    I was aware of a lot of how they worked when I was young, but becoming a parent of three helped me grasp of the rest. My kids are all grown up and doing well and we have good relationships; but I made my own share of mistakes as a parent myself. But it's pretty incredible how listening, being open to admitting mistakes you've made, and adjusting course as you go works wonders with parent/kid relationships.

    I think honestly my parents' parenting style frustrated me a lot growing up based on my own personality needs; and it taught me what kind of parent I wanted to be.
    Wow, I can understand your personality clashes with your parents! I've experienced something similar, but in different ways. I'm an ESFP, and my dad was (I think) an absolutely textbook type of INTP. I'm thinking that my my is an INTJ... but... um... I'll never really know because she now is struggling with advanced Alzheimers. I think that, as I grew up, I was most likely the only extrovert in my immediate family. I was shy, but I have always needed to have people around me. Hence, an extrovert. I was expressive and talkative around people I knew. My family told me to talk more quietly and to not talk quite so much. It felt as if they were trying to stifle me.

    There were definitely communication gaps between my parents and me. Despite that, I thought that my parents were the smartest creatures ever to walk the face of this earth and all I wanted to do was to make them happy, although I had trouble succeeding at that. My mom had some serious anger issues. She grew up during the Great Depression and her father was unable to keep a job. The family frequently had to move, and they didn't always have food. I think that her childhood deprivations caused her to experience a great deal of anxiety through her life. Nevertheless, she persevered and she eventually got a great education. After she had four kids, she went back to school and got her master's degree and then her doctorate.

    She is now 98 years old. She used to teach at the university level, and now, she has trouble expressing any thoughts at all. Watching a parent suffer like this is painful. I hope that, someday, the right medication can be discovered that could put Alzheimer's disease into remission.

    Parent-child dynamics, in my opinion, don't have much to do with named generations. They are what happens when people have children. There will always be some level of conflict and there will always be communication challenges. Good luck to everyone in getting rid of bitterness. It is a nonproductive emotion that eats away at your heart and your soul. I know, from sad experience. I am letting my heart and soul heal now.

  10. #9
    Generation X

    Quote Originally Posted by FreakingGettingOld View Post
    Are you still pissed off about stuff that an Xer went thru growing up? Man, hanging out with my parents brings out stuff I've long forgotten ....I mean suppressed!!!! We should all just move on, but that wound never really goes away.
    What would be the point of being bitter about the past? Can you do anything to change it? Why waste the energy?


     

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