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Gen Xer dating

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This is a discussion on Gen Xer dating within the Generation X Forum forums, part of the The Generations category; Originally Posted by tanstaafl28 I'm only about 9 months out from my divorce and this month would have marked the ...

  1. #11

    Quote Originally Posted by tanstaafl28 View Post
    I'm only about 9 months out from my divorce and this month would have marked the 20th anniversary of our first date. I am helping my ex take a network security course, so we are seeing each other about once a week. She's so different now. I keep wanting to find a way back into her heart, even though it was she who betrayed me.
    can't she find someone else to help her? if being in close proximity with her is causing you more pain, why do it? staying away to detox may be a better pill to swallow for you right now, being rather fresh from the divorce.....

  2. #12

    Quote Originally Posted by chanteuse View Post
    can't she find someone else to help her? if being in close proximity with her is causing you more pain, why do it? staying away to detox may be a better pill to swallow for you right now, being rather fresh from the divorce.....
    She's paying me, and I gave my word to see it through. At some level, I think I was hoping she'd see how well we worked together and realize her mistake and take me back. She did agree to go on a date with me later this month to see the Las Vegas Philharmonic. I don't know. nearly 20 years together and 15 of it married. I just don't see myself making it with anyone else.

    Yeah, sad sack BS. I'll figure it out sooner or later. I'm not one to give up. I have a cold right now, and that always gets me down.
    Last edited by tanstaafl28; 11-04-2015 at 09:12 PM.

  3. #13

    Quote Originally Posted by chanteuse View Post
    Are most of you married with kids?
    I am married. I also have a 15 year old (who is now living with my ex as of a few months ago).

    Quote Originally Posted by chanteuse View Post
    If not, how's your love life now? Care to share the rewards and challenges of meeting and dating being a Gen Xer?
    If not??? What if I am married and dating? What about the rewards and challenges of keeping things alive in a marriage? Man...Talk about exclusion.

    Just kidding. I know you are targeting those who are in the single and potentially dating scene. The best of adventures with dating or embracing the single life to everyone who shares.
    chanteuse thanked this post.

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  5. #14

    I'm fairly recently out of my second marriage.

    I've found dating... labor intensive. The entirety of my dating experience post marriage was to pursue a woman I already new as an acquaintance. I did make that happen successfully, but it only lasted about a week. She was an INFP. 37 years old. I'm 44.

    There was... lot's of room inside her head.

    Anyhow, in order to make it happen, I took her out to dinner, took her hiking, and communicated with her a lot via Facebook message, trying to be charming and such. That phase took about two weeks. My schedule is busy. And the thing is, I'm a self-preservation type. I'm really looking to lock down a long term relationship. And I knew that wasn't going to happen, pretty early on.

    But I still wanted to have sexual intercourse with her. So I put in the legwork, and had sexual intercourse with her on two separate occasions. But then, it was like... She didn't want things to just be easy; I didn't know how to talk to her, because she and I had no commonalities, really. And so I guess I fucked it up by just being like, "come over and let's have sexual intercourse some more," instead of "let's go to lunch," but...

    I dunno. Whatevs. That's the nice thing about being old. Ain't no world-ending stuff gonna go down.

    Any single women live in LA? I'm down for a cup of coffee, or lunch, or whatevs. I want a woman my own age, so this seems the spot for that. I'm safe, and harmless, and nice. I got a 17 year old daughter, and a small business, and etc.

    By all practical measures, I think I ought to be rather highly desirable as a mate, but chicks have not historically been particularly into me. Maybe now that I'm older, and the boss, and a good earner, things will be different. I suspect they will. That INFP was super hot, and I totally hit that. So that bodes well. But, I really don't have time for dating people who don't have a lot of potential to be my woman long term.

    INTJ? I think I need you. That's the woman I want. INTJ.
    Last edited by rice_assrust; 11-20-2015 at 12:07 AM.
    chanteuse thanked this post.

  6. #15

    Quote Originally Posted by rice_assrust View Post
    I'm fairly recently out of my second marriage.

    I've found dating... labor intensive. The entirety of my dating experience post marriage was to pursue a woman I already new as an acquaintance. I did make that happen successfully, but it only lasted about a week. She was an INFP. 37 years old. I'm 44.

    There was... lot's of room inside her head.

    Anyhow, in order to make it happen, I took her out to dinner, took her hiking, and communicated with her a lot via Facebook message, trying to be charming and such. That phase took about two weeks. My schedule is busy. And the thing is, I'm a self-preservation type. I'm really looking to lock down a long term relationship. And I knew that wasn't going to happen, pretty early on.

    But I still wanted to have sexual intercourse with her. So I put in the legwork, and had sexual intercourse with her on two separate occasions. But then, it was like... She didn't want things to just be easy; I didn't know how to talk to her, because she and I had no commonalities, really. And so I guess I fucked it up by just being like, "come over and let's have sexual intercourse some more," instead of "let's go to lunch," but...

    I dunno. Whatevs. That's the nice thing about being old. Ain't no world-ending stuff gonna go down.

    Any single women live in LA? I'm down for a cup of coffee, or lunch, or whatevs. I want a woman my own age, so this seems the spot for that. I'm safe, and harmless, and nice. I got a 17 year old daughter, and a small business, and etc.

    By all practical measures, I think I ought to be rather highly desirable as a mate, but chicks have not historically been particularly into me. Maybe now that I'm older, and the boss, and a good earner, things will be different. I suspect they will. That INFP was super hot, and I totally hit that. So that bodes well. But, I really don't have time for dating people who don't have a lot of potential to be my woman long term.

    INTJ? I think I need you. That's the woman I want. INTJ.
    You don't sound like you know what you are doing when it comes to dating.

    Recently I gave this advice to a 22-year-old INTP guy here. To spot a woman with LT potential, you have to have a very clear visual what she's like. To get to this visual, you have to be very clear on what are the essentials you are looking for in a woman to be LT.

    Write down everything you can think of you want in a woman no matter how ridiculous. Once you are done, narrow your list down to just 10%. This will force you to throw out non-essentials. It makes you think long and hard about what is it that is really important.

    Memorize this list and edit it as you see fit. The better you refine the picture of a woman with LT potential with you, the better you can identify one when you meet her. It will save you time and money not pursuing the ones who don't fit you.

    Good luck and wish you the best in finding "the one".

  7. #16

    Married 13.5 years. 5 year old twins. Was a child of divorce, dont believe in it.
    Is marriage ok? Sure, for the last few years it has been.
    After the honeymoon, she spent a few years busting my chops and trying to dominate me.
    Then i created a secret life and hid it from her for a number of years.
    It all played out when it did, somehow survived it. we are both much more easy on each other now.
    Marriage is hard, its not for everyone.

    Sent from my SM-G920P using Tapatalk
    vinniebob and chanteuse thanked this post.

  8. #17
    Generation X

    Divorced over four years now after being married for 15. Have a 14 year old daughter who lives with her mother.

    I'm dating someone who I think is an ESFP (never been tested). I don't know if I should try to marry her or run for my life half the time. She's fun, she's exhausting, she's caring, but she's all over the place.

    Fortunately, she's very intelligent and also a gen-x'er, so no generation gap to deal with, but she's just starting to figure out I need down time. On a positive note, she's forced me to open up and talk to her about how I'm feeling and what's going on inside my head. Completely outside of my comfort zone, but she wanted in and wouldn't let it drop.

  9. #18

    I've had hookups, flings, a parade of girlfriends, an ex wife....

    I still have no idea what works. The one relationship that captivated me like no other - was ironically the most unhealthy relationship I've ever had in my life.

    Coincidence? Not betting on it.

  10. #19

    Divorced (11 years together, 7 of marriage, last 4 = hell, same house only and bad roommates), one daughter.

    No intention of getting another permanent resident companion. I'm open to meet, date, fall in love etc etc etc but no more marriage or living together.


    Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

  11. #20
    Generation X


    Resurrecting an old thread... I'm 39, never married, no children.
    My love life is virtually non-existent. I've been thinking about that lately, I guess I just haven't met the right person. Things don't always turn out, how you imagine. I agree with some of the comments, about lacking motivation. Dating seems like a lot of hard work, for very little reward. I can compare it to mining for silver, or pearls even. I think relationships can be so complicated, it would be nice if love could just be easy, but that doesn't seem to be the case, ever. I think motivation comes when you meet someone you are attracted to. Attraction comes in many forms, of course, not just physical, or sexual. Keeping hope alive is hard, when you can't imagine finding that mutual attraction again.

    Pros
    I'm independent, & experienced in life.
    I've traveled the world.
    I don't have to consult anyone about my plans, or my spending.
    If I want to go to a concert, movie, museum, dinner, or a hockey game, I have enough friends to do that with, otherwise I go solo.

    Cons
    I'm older now, with a high libido. (Libido can be a negative thing, when you're alone)
    I haven't met any worthwhile, eligible men, my age, in my area. I seem to find them when I travel though. Long distance is hard.
    I'm lonely, but I don't trust online dating. I'd probably end up with a serial killer, or something. (That fear comes from my real life experiences with creepy stalkers.)

    I will have to be content with being alone, for now. I need a new hobby.


     
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