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"I Hate Being A Grownup"

[Generation Y] 
19K views 128 replies 76 participants last post by  Judson Joist 
#1 ·
This is an attitude I've noticed is rather common and unique to generation Y. Maybe I just believe everything older people tell me and get all my impressions of past generations from novels, but it seems that this kind of adult-delay didn't really occur before. As though in the past, you simply come of age and are expected to assume the appropriate behavior and responsibilities of an adult, no complaints.

Now, I see it everywhere: jokes about how twentysomethings "fail at being an adult", hate doing practical "grownup" things, don't behave what would typically be seen as "maturely" - it seems to not only be prevalent, but something looked on with amusement. Why? What caused this trend? Or have I just been reading too many Buzzfeed listicles to pass the time and it's not actually that common?
 
#36 ·
I much prefer being a grown up to a teenager. It's the freedom and independence that I have always craved. But there are drawbacks too. I think people in general act really pretentious and defensive when they start getting a older. I hate things like office politics and people feeling the need to show off/put on on act so much that you can't just have a normal conversation with them. I think the worst thing about becoming a grown up is the pressure of putting on appearances and of thinking that you have to have it altogether and basically be perfect. This is definitely how I feel. I put a lot of pressure on myself now and think that now I'm independent I have no excuses not be fully realised and perfect etc. I notice that in other people I think the pressure manifests into being pretentious whereas with me I'm not pretentious in how I socialise or show off (I am image conscious and want to fit in though) but I beat myself all the time for not being perfect, making any mistakes and not living up to my high standards and values.
 
#37 · (Edited)
It's not being about growing up that sucks, I really like it. I mean I can depend on myself to get things done, I don't need my parents' permission to do anything and refusing people is a lot easier. I never liked living a life when your parents and the older people around you tell you what you can and can not do.

It's the timing that's bad. Being an adult in this period kinda sucks, expectations are much higher. Jobs are harder to find and it's extremely competitive. But that's just how it is.
 
#43 ·
It's the timing that's bad. Being an adult in this period kinda sucks, expectations are much higher. Jobs are harder to find and it's extremely competitive. But that's just how it is.
agreed, I feel like a teenager who is allowed to make her own decisions. it's just that none of them have any consequence.

I wonder if anyone here would be interested in a thread about how growing up in a really bad recession has changed your outlook/philosophy/attitude towards goals.
 
#42 ·
I have to agree, my parents were assholes. whine, whine, whine
honestly the hardest thing about adulthood is finding the motivation to do anything, I think something that happened to me growing up killed my pleasure/reward system.

I think I like being an adult? but I'm not v good at it; the decisions I'm making seem to be in order to preserve lack of responsibility instead of moving onto the next set of milestones. not sure it can be helped tho, the things I want most don't also happen to be the "normal" values.
 
#47 · (Edited)
I do have to say that, despite its tumult, I preferred my childhood and youth to my current situation. However, it's not a question that's possible to explain in detail without being reflective and pretty verbose. Part of me thinks that if my early(earlier) adulthood went a little better, I might feel differently; however another part of me feels that this was always going to happen to a person of my disposition in one way or another.

I'll try (and probably fail) to be succinct, though this may make things somewhat vague. There are a great many unpalatable truths in the world, and I far preferred both ignorance and the experience of learning them rather than the struggle of acknowledging and learning to live with their reality. Despite my inherent compulsion to chafe at restrictions, part of me actually enjoyed the structure of life in childhood, because there were clear boundaries, expectations and goals - and it was always a thrill to exceed them. I'm always all about 'freedom' and 'staying true to myself' but I have historically been very poor at utilising true freedom whenever I attain it, due to a chronic lack of self-discipline and long-term direction.

I had less emotional baggage, so I was less defensive around people, and had yet to conceive of a social persona. I was still socially anxious and sensitive, but with fewer issues, found it easier to make friends and had lower standards for them. Still yet relatively unsullied by the burden of knowledge, and facilitated by natural neuroplasticity, my imagination was far and away more active than it currently is - though it may be somewhat misleading to think of this solely in terms of youthfulness, as it was the case until fairly recently.

I think the problem is that my spirit just feels tired. Compared to my earlier years, I have all this knowledge and competence and capability, but no real clue as to how I'm supposed to apply it in a meaningful way - and ultimately lacking the motivation and drive to discover what that means to me right now. I also hate feeling so powerless - tired of putting up with other people's crap, but not even able to sort out my own.

I keep the hamster wheel spinning on a day-to-day basis, and do what I can to help those closest to me simply because it wouldn't feel right to do otherwise. But it seems as though a lot of what I used to believe in turned out to be illusions anyway... so it constantly feels like I'm "supposed" to be doing something more, but I'm afraid of making the effort and don't even know if that would be enough anymore? I still feel responsible in a way - like now I'm on the other side of the fence, I owe it to myself to act on all the feelings I had to keep to myself growing up. But having seen glimpses of the world and its history, just what can I do, as one person? What do I want to do?

I don't think I even wanted to grow up when I was a child myself. I liked myself as I was (and, I suppose when all's said and done, I still do). All I wanted was to be loved and taken seriously, and that's something else entirely.

Edit: Probably a bad idea to make a post when I'm in a negative frame of mind, though that doesn't make the above any less true. I suppose it simply boils down to the fact that I'm dragging pain around with me that I really wish I'd found a way to let go of, and also a conflict between ideals and reality. As a child it was easier, in a way, because I was kind of just a living embodiment of possibilities. I could just live out my dreams and fantasies, discover myself and the world, and enjoy daily living without a burdened conscience. Whereas now, I have the ability to pursue whatever it is I want to, but as I'm sure many NP's can relate to, it's much easier to conceptualise something than it is to bring an idea to fruition - and something is very nearly always 'lost in translation'. Plus, there's the whole "there are countless different ways of living and none of them are any more or less valid than yours" deal. I liked it when things were more binary. All this shades of grey crap is pretty taxing on the ol' eyesight.
 
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#49 ·
I think it's unique to our generation because we became adults right when the idea of " Wait until you get older." Changed into " Don't do that kids are around."

Everywhere I go now I feel like EVEERYTHING needs to be " child friendly" at the least and " for children" at worst.

When I was a kid all I heard was "No you can't join the adults. You're too young deal with it."

Now whenever I want to have fun I have include the children or just not do it.
 
#50 · (Edited)
Thanks, thread, you've given me a few more reasons not to look forward to it. Not a Gen Y, but I'll be 18 in a few months and I'll be at uni in less than a year. I've decided to reduce my life goals (presumably as a result of giving up on all sorts of things, from taekwondo to learning musical instruments and learning foreign languages to learning how to draw manga, and most recently from learning how to code even though I want to be able to do this so just for one of my few life goals) to a handful. All I know is that in addition to that, and with being able to move out, I have a better peace of mind, but one thing that will make me kill myself or something is that I won't be able to do some of the things from childhood that take less effort than learning how to be skilled at something, such as changing my look to become more androgynous, which I've never got around to doing because of parents, sexist Catholicism and working class/developing countries' culture and because I've eaten too much and I can't grow my hair long which I want to do.

I'd also have little free time (I'd be aching to move to a country that has ample paid leave, (screw you USA for your stupid corporations effectively killing that off, they need to stay out of politics altogether) because even though the country I'm in (UK) already provides such, I just hate the country for other reasons, enough to make me want to move out), and as everyone else has addressed here, people will all be lonely and stuff. Since I'm used to people NOT TALKING TO ME whenever I'm with them, this shouldn't be a big deal, but it would be a little sad that you just have to live and work. We should all hurry up and automate all our industries or something already.

I kind of blame my parents for making me grow up too fast; when I asked them how I could get people to talk to me, they said I should watch the news, and this was when I was around 7 or 8 years old.
 
#53 ·
I'm 20 years old and as a member of Generation Z, I do think that I'm not completely independent but I'm learning as I go along. But the whole notion of being independent I feel is very rare now because in this culture you find that people are constantly dependent on each other or things. I do believe that most people eventually will be able to provide for themselves once they have the right mindset, but the mindset of individuals being losers because they live with their parents or is dependent on people is BS because everyone has different situations and it's takes time for certain people to leave the ness.

Now as far as maturity is concerned I think that quite a few millennials have that Peter Pan mindset which is unfortunate but it's goes with the lack of knowledge, bad parenting, and culture in which they grew up in that lead to the immature mindset.
 
#55 ·
I have friends that still live with their parents and receive some financial assistance from them even though they have graduated college and managed to snag jobs in their fields. It seems impossible to be self-sufficient these days as a 20-something year old unless you come from a well-off family. And this is coming from someone who has parents that make six figures. :frustrating:
 
#60 ·
I have no problem being an adult. The only bad part is being stuck at a job you don't particularly like. Basically realizing that until you are 60 you will be spending the majority of your life being a slave to some company. But what can you do? It's better to be a corporate slave rat than have no job at all. :tongue:

But jobs aside, I enjoy maintaining my townhouse... cleaning and preparing dinners for myself... Taking care of my pets and just living an independent life.
 
#62 ·
I think Gen Y is the last generation that might grow up thinking their parents are infallible. This is because we grew up as the internet was developing; not already there with wikipedia and basically infinite knowledge. Parents, books, and teachers were your sources of knowledge. Then you grow up, and realize you aren't infallible (and have long since noticed your parents aren't either). Then being a grownup is nearly a zero sum game: way too many responsibilities.

Being a grownup is boring, I hope I never grow up :p.
 
#64 ·
While I can understand the lure of wanting a life with not having to work, pay bills or otherwise bear any real responsibilities, I can't personally relate to such a desire. I suspect people who hate being an adult have no appreciation for the freedoms of choice adults have. Another consideration for me is how much I've changed over the years. As a child I was very self-conscious and somewhat socially awkward. As an adult I have much more self-confidence and I don't worry much about what others think of me. I much rather live life with my adult than child mindset.
 
#67 ·
Only times I've hated being an adult was when I was going through hard life situations. Then again I'm 25 with a 12year old stepson, 8 year old daughter, and a 15month old son. So yea I've had to force myself be a "grown up" for the sake of my children. I surely do believe that without them I wouldn't be as mature or wise, which can be a flaw at times because I can't relate to people my age range...
 
#68 ·
I have some friends that are 32 and 34 (couple), respectively and I'm 33. They got married at like 20 and 22. They were responsible in 5 minutes...seriously. They had an apartment, one car (eventually two), each of them had a job, and we hung out quite a bit despite these responsibilities (and mine). Things change (i.e. they moved) but to my knowledge they are still responsible.

I reacted similarly to aduldhood. But I will admit, internally, I feel so much much older (like near-death) and therefore desire to be 16 again...not do the same stupid things I did in most of the past 17 years. So on the outside I am like anyone else in past generations but on the inside I'm a mess.
 
#69 ·
The funny thing is I'm like a paradox. For fun I still think I'm 18 or 21 but when I was 18, I was working full time in high school and going to school full time. I did the same thing through college. Basically took care of everything and taking the conservative route still amassed a net worth close to 6 figures. I am also working on my MBA now as I work full time. Other than that, for fun, I swear my mind hasn't changed since I was 18. Prank calls and whipping shitties is fun.
 
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