[Enneagram Type 7] Dating type 9

Dating type 9

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  • 2 Post By SirCanSir
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This is a discussion on Dating type 9 within the Head Triad - Types 5,6,7 forums, part of the Enneagram Personality Theory Forum category; I'm a type 9 and Ive known 7 for 14yrs so i have seen both healthy and unhealthy versions. We ...

  1. #1

    I'm a type 9 and Ive known 7 for 14yrs so i have seen both healthy and unhealthy versions. We cant seem to move past friendship he will come on strong then leave before i can even react. He cuts off communication says im closed off and is dating someone new. When that doesnt work he returns puts his charm on me and does the exact same thing again. I get hurt (like most 9s) bringing up all past hurt in some text he probably never got cause he blockd me. I guess i wouldnt care if i have not been a friend for so long and have seen the true healthy version of him which i love by the way. Anyway need some advice pleease on whats causing him to escape?
    Last edited by Dani222elle; 09-08-2019 at 06:20 PM.

  2. #2
    Type 7w8

    Though i want to say that his issues are not just him being a 7, ill just leave it for now and talk from my point of view as another person of the same type.

    He seems like he just chases some easy satisfaction/relationship because he cant keep himself patient for too long to go after you.
    I also suck at patience though it usually is enough to go after someone I really like. I show behaviors of leaving a group of friends and coming back to them after sometime if i change environments or just my mood goes after a new interest that doesnt involve them.

    Something i dislike about myself, but i guess ive come to the point i just make that clear to others so they have the freedom to wait for me or leave. That means I eventually stay with those that stick. Thats also why people i call friends are those who have sticked with me and waited for me to come back to them.

    By waiting i mean to keep themselves open to me, of course im not that selfish to expect people to keep me as a priority in their lives when i behave like that. That said no matter what i do on the outside, those i consider to be my friends always remain as that in my head and I never forget about them unless we break it off or we werent close enough to begin with. My behavior doesnt mean i no longer consider them important, it only means i get distracted and i spend my time elsewhere. The people who i value are going to remain people i value before or after that mood swing anyway.

    As a 9 yourself you should also have those moods you want to withdraw and not talk with anyone so that behavior shouldnt be that hard to understand as it just means you both value your personal freedom in the end of the day to spend time however you want.

    That said, lets not generalize because in this specific occasion it seems that that guy keeps trying to use you as a potential sexual outlet but gets bored midway because you are closed off which kind of makes you seem hard to get. As far as relationship goes i ve never done something like going after the same person multiple times according to my moods before - something i find disrespectful to both her and myself, instead i would end a potential relationship and block the partner to keep myself away to detach from their presence enough to move on.

    Him blocking you might mean something similar but the fact that he keeps approaching you like that...

    Anyway it seems that I lack a lot of detail of your story to understand exactly how guarded you were and how easily he gives up on you. There are a lot of possible variables at play here like -

    him getting hurt approaching you, him valuing you but not seeing you as a partner material, him failing at anything else and being unable to contain himself re approaching you, you being more guarded than you think, you not showing any signs he gets as you liking him back, you deciding to trust him way to late for his patience meaning him giving up on you - and so on.

    If he already knows you like him i think its best to let him go out of self respect. You dont want to be someone's last choice and you dont want to be dependent on the mood swings of someone who betrayed your expectations and only looks at you out of a need to have "something" and not "you" specifically.

    If the problem lies with you and you were just too hard to open up under objective standards to the point he got hurt/fed up then try to be more open in the future. But if he is somewhere else still let him go. Just learn to feel better with yourself and your past. You cant be happy with any partner if you dont first tend to your own needs after all. Insecurity is draining for both you and him so tackle it to the point you no longer care and become comfortable with who you are.

  3. #3

    Well anyone who cared about you wouldn’t treat you that way. He should be old enough to have grown out of stupid young person phase. So he’s likely either a narcissist or a psycho.
    Sorry to be you.
    Abbaladon Arc V thanked this post.


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