This is my first post here. I'm a Nine and my wife is a four. I work outside the home 8-5 and she is a stay at home mom. One of our kids is in preschool for 3 hours in the morning and the rest are in public school. We've both done work in the past to become healthy versions of ourselves, but have come back to reality (so to speak) in recent months. My wife will go through cycles of depression, and to me (my truth) she expects me to fix it and I don't know what to do. I find it very hard to keep up with what she wants; it's a moving target. Her emotions are also a moving target as I don't know which version of her I'm going to get: happy, depressed, indifferent, independent, lonely, angry... I can usually hang on until happy wife comes back but I'm getting so tired of the ride. I love my wife and I hate that she is suffering. I don't want to do life without her by my side. But I need help in figuring out what to do. (We've talked about her getting on depression medication, but she would prefer to stay away from drugs. I don't know how much longer that will be a option, though)
She feels alienated and lonely when she goes for a couple of days without seeing friends/social contact. She has been stating that she doesn't have a hobby/activity she gets to do, it's always everyone else's activities that take priority. She has a gym membership and she used to go with her mom some evenings. I've encouraged her to go during the morning as preschool is just ten minutes away. She responds that she has no one to go with and even the class that is offered when she can go, has no one in it. She is very social and I am not, so I don't know what to recommend that can give her the social contact she needs and fits into what she sees as her only free time.
Since my work hours are what they are and the kids go to bed at 7:30-8:00 the only time my wife and I have together is in the evenings when the only energy we have left is "leftovers" from the day. And the weekends are usually set aside for family time because when I get home, I am in the mode of "get the kids food, bath, bed, and clean up the house." Leftovers are not what she wants, and I understand that, so we are going to try to take at least one morning a week for her and me. Which is a start, but I need to be able to help more. She can't tell me what she needs, because I don't think she knows and she doesn't just want her words simply fed back to her.
All that to say, I'm looking for other social fours that have figured this out. What hobbies/activities do you do during your free time when you need social contact? Any ideas would be greatly appreciated.