I am Swiss and have been interested in the Enneagram for two decades. I hope, my English is fine enough to put my following question in a comprehensive way. It's regarding stress and growth arrows of type 4. I am a 1f9, sp/sx.
Now the question: I have been dating a few 4s during the last few years, with few I was in a relationship, some of them were just a short term attraction. Some with 5 wing, some with 3 wing. Some sx, some sc, some sp.
I always felt the following: Their stress arrows always seem rather 1ish than 2ish. 4s - according to my own finding, can be strong, determined, only seemingly affectionate / needy, in their core mostly strong (8s have a soft core, hard shell - 4s have a hard core, soft shell - in general). But if it comes to stress, I never felt a 2-like energy with type 4. Why that?
Maybe the 4s I knew weren't 4s, but 8s or 1s. I might confuse the 4 - 8 - 1, but then I think it over and come to the conclusion, that 4 is correct.
Maybe the not-so-mature type 4 can show a certain aggressiv behaviour more often than the gut types 1 and 8 (1s want to avoid anger, 8s don't I know). But then, why I never feel the 2 in a 4? I know, that a healthy 4 develops the energy of the 1 in a not-aggressive, but in an authentic and mature, balanced way.
Can some 4s (or other types) help me to clear up my mess :-).
Thanks a lot!