[Enneagram Type 4] Are there any methods towards finding out who you really are

Are there any methods towards finding out who you really are

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This is a discussion on Are there any methods towards finding out who you really are within the Heart Triad - Types 2,3,4 forums, part of the Enneagram Personality Theory Forum category; So i kinda got this notion that everything else makes perfect sense to but me, myself, are their any success ...

  1. #1
    Type 4w5

    Are there any methods towards finding out who you really are

    So i kinda got this notion that everything else makes perfect sense to but me, myself, are their any success stories of E4's any type of E4 who has gained success and created a way to find out who he/she really is?

  2. #2
    Type 4w5

    I managed to clear away some of the rubble to finding what I consider to be me by realizing that the 'savior' that I was 'trying to attract' was actually, straight-up, MYSELF. I accidentally found this out by describing what I felt like I was looking for in someone else to someone who has known me nearly my entire life, and they gave me the oddest look- and said that I had just described who I am inside. Of course, I still fall into the rut sometimes where I feel like I hardly know myself (when I focus on my emotions), but it is gotten to where I understand from what seed those emotions derive- and that is me. Since, I haven't felt the need to 'attract a savior' in an overwhelming way.
    A lot of times, I really -hate- who I am. Other times? I think it is beautiful. Sometimes, it feels tragic in that it goes against the grain of everyone else and what people are expected to be- I will never be able to exist in a state that would be the most beneficial to me.
    I've been told that it is also helpful in some ways to hear others tell you what they think about you, but it isn't always the case, 'specially in the case of fours that may or may not be a little manipulative (IE: it really didn't help me much until I described myself, but I have a four friend that says it really helps him for me to share my insight on him).

    So I guess it depends. I find it much easier to 'know myself' when I am a healthy individual, as opposed to being unhealthy. It is like the four transcends their emotional onslaught, after all.

  3. #3
    Type 5w4

    ^ that.

    we could get into a really deep discussion of what the self even is, if you want to.

    but i did read somewhere that to find out who you are, start with what you are not. this should be easy for fours who make a lifestyle out of disliking things. go deeper. what qualities have you avoided developing or allowing from yourself? why? what appeals to you instead? who would you be if there were no constraints on your appearance, environment, abilities? what does that feel like? how do you carry yourself? what qualities do you respond with? how can you still carry the energy of that person within the life you have now?

    it helps me to think about how i would allow myself to feel, how would i allow myself to act if i had no prior experience of the world that would allow me to predict the effects of these feelings and actions, and the only thing that existed was the feelings and the actions themselves. do you understand what i mean? this is why it's so powerful when people say things like, "remember who you were before anyone told you who you had to be."

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  5. #4
    Type 4w5

    Here, someone who has no problem with this anymore.

    When people are looking for "the self" they are actaully looking for meaning, for importance one way or the other, find a goal in your life and this will be fixed. Who you self-identify with is just a story you tell yourself to make you feel better about yourself, it makes you feel more important when you say I'm X. In reality all YOU ARE is nothing, all you can say IS YOURSELF is you body, your story, your character, your abilities, but they are not you, they just belong to you. You have those abilities, you have that intelligence, etc; but they're not the self. Nobody will jail you if you self-identify with your job or anything else, just don't expect to be in the right.

    Nightstorm, Gorgon, ann18 and 2 others thanked this post.

  6. #5
    Type 4

    well my friend..
    i've tested 4(80%) and 2(83%) but the description of 4 is me.
    i am 34 years old, so i may have something for you
    but.. every answer is another question.
    you sure know what i mean..

    we all are different, and have different paths.
    But once you do find out who you are, or you get closer to yourself,
    you distance yourself from others because
    a) they dont get you any more or
    b) you don't!

    Some months ago i felt an energy explosion and decided to follow this energy wherever it leads.
    It led me to have zero tolerance for dishonesty.
    Therefore, i quit 3 yearly toxic relationships and one ended without my consent and against my will.
    Those relationships were what remained so i get over the real toxic relationships i'd quit by then.

    "They're the ones who'll hate you when you think you got the world all sushed out
    They're the ones who'll spit at you.. you'll be the one screaming out!"


    You will find who you are.. it's the end of the learning cycle,
    but there will be noone to share that with once you've reached the end.
    and with this curse comes the new cycle.
    To do something with what you now know and offer it back to the few that will appreciate it that you weren't lucky enough to meet.
    Everytime you reach the point you set out from, experience has been created from the journey,
    and the circle never closes.
    It spirals upwards to your true Self..

    if discovering i am INFP was not enough for a guy to take in.
    i am an E4 or 2 (facepalm)
    i feel a little cornered over here...

    Although my complete life and goals are described in E4
    there is nothing than offering help to others that can take me out of the deepest corners of depression.
    Method tried and verified every time i am sad.

    i keep talking about myself so 4 it must be
    but i'm finding myself through offering...
    go figure!
    The Self, the eternal university!
    Last edited by AstralFlame; 11-09-2015 at 07:06 PM.

  7. #6
    Type 2w1

    This is really a life-long process. I'm continually reviewing and reflecting on my experiences. Like what @Dezir said, the search for the self is really about the purposeful construction of a narrative. It is you authoring your own story. Ask yourself who do you want to be and how far along are you in being that person?

    And really, the self is constituted through our interactions and relation with others, as well as by our values and preferences.
    AstralFlame and niska1 thanked this post.

  8. #7
    Type 4w3

    I've learned a lot by noticing what odd behaviours or traits I have, in comparison to other people - and figuring out where they all came from. You have to distinguish, mainly, between what you are (born as), and what you have made yourself into.

    Some are from genetics (same as your parents or siblings), some from upbringing, some from physical quirks ie. how you are made, some copied from other people to satisfy a need, some invented or emerged from you to satisfy a need, etc.

    And figuring out what the need is behind them.

    But bear in mind all the time, that each of us is only a tiny little thing on a surface of a tiny little lump of rock. We are like the ants, but bigger - and mostly the same, with variations.

    "Finding yourself" is usually finding out where or how you fit into society.
    AstralFlame thanked this post.

  9. #8

    Thanatesque is bang on. It is a life-long process. To find where you fit in with the Enneagram, paying close attention to your behaviours and thoughts help. Also, looking into your past behvaiours, reactions, routines, interactions, etc, helps immensely. You might also be able to pinpoint at what times you were more/less healthy.

    To go further in finding your true 'self', and overcome the behaviours of the types that keep us from achieving our greatest potential, there might be more to the process. It is ultimately about self-growth. What helped me to rediscover my "self" (I knew myself, then lost myself, then found myself again), was to consider all the things in my life that were created by others. Others' ideas, beliefs, social systems, norms...I payed attention to the things that came into my mind daily, and analyzed them, asking 'Why' to everything. I asked myself what it means to me to be happy, what it means to me to be successful, to be useful, etc, and then I would ask 'Why' to all those and more. I thought of who i was without my possessions, without my family, without my home. Soon, I came to realize that so much of what I was doing, thinking, believing, had very little to do with what I truly wanted. It had very little to do with my "self". Once I trained myself to overlook all those things, I was able to finally be free from this false self, and be who I truly am.

    Good luck!
    citronnade thanked this post.

  10. #9

    (accidently posted twice! deleted ~)

  11. #10

    Making big or tough decisions based on our values shows us who we are. Having freedom allows us to be who we are.

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