Here is my list. It might be a little different for other INFJs. Please add to the list and share your needs. Hope it's helpful. PS We love to make lists. : )
We can be emotionally and physically cautious at first.
TIP: Let us know you are willing to take it slow or be friends if we decide we don’t want a relationship at the time or you can sense we are cautious. This will make us feel safe and closer to you.
Affirmations of Commitment & Love
We secretly want to hear you love us and want to be with us forever...every day. I know..
TIP: I understand we can be attracted to “T” types who don’t like or think to do this. (This is where we need to be patient with you.) If you write a simple “I love you” on a note or text “thinking of you” we will be super thrilled and it will last us a while!
Our introverted side needs some quiet couch cuddling time.
TIP: If you are a type who needs more physical space, save time in the evening for cuddling AND alone non-touching time (eg. reading.) It can be beneficial to both and a nice gift to give.
I know our type is called “the Protector”, but sometimes we need your protection too. This is mostly when we get into situations that are unfair or not good for us and stay in them because we feel strongly that we have to commit to things or relationships.
TIP: Since we are typically independent and don’t like being told what to do, you might not be able to help us until we are ready. Sometimes we can sense a situation is not good for us anymore and we might ask you permission to leave it. I know this sounds strange, but the best thing to do is to tell us it’s ok to quite or leave.
When we are in familiar company we like to play and be super silly.
TIP: When you get comfortable, please show your playful side too! We looove it.
We need to talk about deeper things, see the beauty in things, talk about feelings and spirituality.
TIP: If you are a non-NF this could be uncomfortable at first. The only tip I have is give it a try and it might get easier to share over time. We can always turn to our fellow NF friends to have gushy feeling talks with in the meantime!
To Feel Like An Equal
We want to feel like your equal in every way.
TIP: This is more of an attitude thing. Everyone comes to a relationship with different strengths. Compliment our strengths. We will definitely compliment yours (we love to support and encourage). As long your attitude isn’t that you are superior, we don’t mind if you do things better.
A Good Listener
We are so often the listening ear to our friends and family. Also, it takes us a while to be able to verbalize our feelings, so we need some patient listening.
TIP: To get us talking, ask us simple questions like, “what were the best and worst parts of your day?”. Once we get talking, wait until we’ve finished to ask more questions or offer advice. I understand this can be hard to judge. You can ask us if there’s anything else that excites or bothers us to see if we are done.
Sometimes, when we start a new project or job we need to explore our feelings and get encouragement about it first, then we can move into the logistics and planning.
TIP: If you can sense we are in the excited phase, share in our excitement and give us encouragement. We can talk the realities later when we are in the mood, otherwise we might read it as discouragement from you. This takes a lot of perception and patience on your part. Thank you.