[INFJ] Struggling to put out vibes - Page 2

Struggling to put out vibes

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This is a discussion on Struggling to put out vibes within the INFJ Forum - The Protectors forums, part of the NF's Temperament Forum- The Dreamers category; I understand where your coming from. Seems like you have been hurt in the past and don't want that to ...

  1. #11

    I understand where your coming from. Seems like you have been hurt in the past and don't want that to happen again. It's ok to not want to be totally open when meeting new people and even then for must of us INFJ's it will take a long time to fully open up and then some people will just never truly know the real "us".

    The only thing I would warn against is letting the past affect you in a way where you become distant and suspicious towards everyone. This can be quite toxic and in my own experience hurts oneself more than anything.

    Something that helped me when I opened up to someone to much and felt bad after is that most people will forget things since they are to worried about themselves, I tested this out once and someone didn't even remember what happened which made me feel so much better.

    Best of wishes to ya!
    hopefuldreamer and OrangeYou thanked this post.

  2. #12

    Of course I've been introspecting about it and used the "get to the root" method. It led me to come up with a theory that every person has one "biggest fear" of 3: fear of humiliation, fear of mental/emotional pain, or fear of being flawed or imperfect. Mine is definitely pain. It also coincides with my enneagram type 9, whose biggest fear is loss or something. So my coping mechanism is to not let people personally touch me. I guess the struggle is finding a balance between being open enough for the right people to come in, with the possibility of hurting me, and still keeping out the people I deem not worthy of hurting me. Trying to widen out.

    I love the radio method, but my worry about it is that I'd still block everyone out from personally touching me. It's a virtue for certain.

  3. #13

    Quote Originally Posted by OrangeYou View Post
    The flaw I'm having the most trouble with is that I don't put off enough vibes or energies or information about myself. People can't really connect to me because I don't give them anything to go off. I've been trying to lately but am struggling. Subconsciously it's hard for me to open up or give anything off due to fear of pain. I don't want to be misunderstood and then misjudged. Insight, experiences, comments, etc. welcome.
    that's why it's so hard to talk to people to when you are constantly afraid of being misunderstood. I often start with something, but even other INFJ's dont understand my vibe, that's becus we are grown up different... everyone is different or basicly they are to afraid, but afraid of what? if you get misunderstood now it makes no sence, if you where a child it would have made a big different but not now.
    OrangeYou thanked this post.

  4. #14

    Quote Originally Posted by TwoStepsAhead View Post
    everyone is different or basicly they are to afraid, but afraid of what? if you get misunderstood now it makes no sence, if you where a child it would have made a big different but not now.
    Why wouldn't it matter now? We still get hurt as adults. We still get humiliated. We still might think something could be wrong with us.

  5. #15

    Quote Originally Posted by OrangeYou View Post
    Why wouldn't it matter now? We still get hurt as adults. We still get humiliated. We still might think something could be wrong with us.
    you are right, but hurting us now is not on the same painlevel as it was as a kid, nothing is wrong with us.. the community and the school has the task to fix errors but they've never tried, but such a task is not for me and never will. I have not the training to cope with such a task, perhaps it was probably the idea from the beginning. People are passionate about money and gold, if there is a lot of this, they have everything.

  6. #16
    Unknown

    Try cold showers in the morning. You stop worrying about stuff when the worst part of the day is behind you and you effectively forced yourself into a meditatative state.
    OrangeYou thanked this post.

  7. #17
    Unknown

    Quote Originally Posted by OrangeYou View Post
    Subconsciously it's hard for me to open up or give anything off due to fear of pain. I don't want to be misunderstood and then misjudged. Insight, experiences, comments, etc. welcome.
    Okay well you have already given insight into the situation. You are afraid of being judged by other people.

    Which is greater: the risk of being misunderstood and judged by others, or the risk of being unable to form connections with other people?

  8. #18

    I added you as a contact, please feel free to talk any time IM if you want. I'm a good listener, am nonjudgmental, and new here like [email protected]
    OrangeYou thanked this post.

  9. #19
    ENFP

    Yeah I relate it's so weird...I was secretive about my thoughts & feelings once & got raped because of it. Then tried being genuine & opening up about my feelings & just got hazed & fucked with again.
    OrangeYou thanked this post.

  10. #20
    INFJ - The Protectors

    Quote Originally Posted by OrangeYou View Post
    The flaw I'm having the most trouble with is that I don't put off enough vibes or energies or information about myself. People can't really connect to me because I don't give them anything to go off. I've been trying to lately but am struggling. Subconsciously it's hard for me to open up or give anything off due to fear of pain. I don't want to be misunderstood and then misjudged. Insight, experiences, comments, etc. welcome.
    First of all this isn't a flaw, more so you just need a bit more understanding of yourself. Giving off vibes and such is a very subconscious thing, we don't necessarily think about it. You are consciously thinking about it from what I can tell "its hard for me to open up or give anything off due to fear of pain" this alone, this feeling you feel. It is a vibe, you're projecting this emotion unconsciously, now how others pick up on this can possibly be a "DO NOT DISTURB" feel. "i don't want to be misunderstood and then misjudged" We live in a world where people will willingly project there emotions on to others and then judge them accordingly. This is why we have emotional barriers so to speak. We protect our fragile existence from comments and emotions by subconsciously block them. You definitely are giving are giving off vibes, whether the problem is if consciously realize it. Well I read you have a boyfriend, I'm sure when you are intimate with him he can tell if your being yourself or are feeling upset. Not because you tell him but because he can sense it. Same thing happens in public, whether others can actually tell or have the sensory perception to pick up on it isn't your fault. Some people are that dense in fact. Your vibe ties back greatly to your emotional connection to yourself and emotions in general. If you feel like your lost inside well then your vibe will be confusing, you will project conflict. Learning to project your vibe or aura isn't something that easy. It requires you to know who you are inside out. Controlling your feelings that you decide to show is even harder. Its takes time. It sounds like you are thinking about it too much and not feeling enough to allow yourself to send or project the right feelings. Its common mistake.

    Yeah it definitely depends on who is around me. In highschool I feel like I put out more energy and like I was more fun. Then I moved away a few years ago and have found only a couple people I feel okay with. I've found myself more reserved than ever, or at least more aware of being reserved and I don't like it. I don't mind physical energy so much as social energy. I love expending physical energy. But around someone I don't know quite yet or that doesn't resonate with the bits of myself I put out for them, that is truly exhausting.
    "I found myself more reserved than ever, or at least more aware of being reserved and I don't like it." Emotionally speaking this is normal I feel for INFJ's to give off and feel. There could be something underlining reason causing you to feel this way. Maybe you feel disconnected with yourself or something happened that just threw you off. I wouldn't say being reserved is a bad thing. Yet your feelings of how others see you seem to overpower your own feelings to just be yourself. Its important to just be true to your own thoughts and emotions. Identify when your feeling conflicted or emotional and maybe just take yourself out of being social that day. A lot of what we feel interjects directly into what we say consciously or subconsciously. Usually I feel when i'm emotionally unbalanced, my words seem like I don't want to have a conversation. They throw others off because they pick up on my conflicted attitude so to speak. Even so I don't always recognize when i'm in that state of mind. Once again its common for me, I then apologize and tell that person that i'm just out of it. Being mentally exhausted can also hinder these emotional responses. There's a number of factors that can cause you to feel the way you do. Resonating with others is a great way to un filter your thoughts and feelings and just have a great conversation. Maybe you just crave more in depth talks, if so then seek those people that are receptively in tune with what your wanting to say. Some people just don't bother to pay attention to whats being said to them. I could go on and on, but I honestly don't feel this is a Vibe issue but more so an emotional one.
    OrangeYou thanked this post.


     
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