[INFJ] INFJ Passive-Aggression

INFJ Passive-Aggression

Hello Guest! Sign up to join the discussion below...
Page 1 of 3 1 2 3 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 24
Thank Tree45Thanks

This is a discussion on INFJ Passive-Aggression within the INFJ Forum - The Protectors forums, part of the NF's Temperament Forum- The Dreamers category; I've been reading comments at various places online about what non-INFJs consider to be INFJ faults. Yes, I know we ...

  1. #1

    INFJ Passive-Aggression

    I've been reading comments at various places online about what non-INFJs consider to be INFJ faults. Yes, I know we have no faults; but let's put that aside for the moment. One frequent complaint is about a perceived INFJ predilection for passive-aggressive behavior. (Let's define such behavior as delaying/concealing a negative response rather than addressing some issue in an immediate and direct manner.) And so, to the question:

    Addressing INFJs: What is the cause of passive-aggression in INFJs:

    (a) Simply wishing on general principle to avoid outward conflicts;

    (b) Needing time to process happenings/feelings;

    (c) Wanting to avoid having to tell someone a painful truth;

    (d) Fear that the angry strength of one's own feelings will only make things worse;

    (e) Fear that the nature of the other person is such that his/her reaction to what one would say will only make things worse;

    (f) Hope that one can just shrug it off;

    (g) Passive-aggression is simply spontaneous and inexplicable in INFJs;

    (h) Several of the above;

    (i) Something else (specify: ____________)
    Vivid Melody, StableSun35, Sour Roses and 2 others thanked this post.



  2. #2

    I can't speak for all INFJ's, only myself. Of course it depends on the context but generally speaking, I find (for myself) that c, d and e are true. But the main thing that tends to make me passive aggressive is when I feel the person has slighted me in some way (also passive aggressively) and I feel justified in taking a shot at them back. Basically I want them to feel the same way they made me feel. The other reason would be when I'm being too much of a coward to take on the real issue head on. Both are foolish, wrong, childish and unproductive, in my opinion. But that about sums it up for me.

  3. #3

    I prefer simple passive-pacifism. It's a lot less trouble than all that aggression.
    Sour Roses, soft.cynosure and mightyoak thanked this post.

  4. #4

    Passive aggression is non-verbal aggression
    Passive aggression might be seen as a defence mechanism that people use to protect themselves. It might be automatic and might stem from early experiences. What they are protecting themselves from will be unique and individual to each person; although might include underlying feelings of rejection, fear, mistrust, insecurity and/or low self-esteem.

    This is my way:

    I am always friendly, polite and agreeable
    Making excuses that I can’t make it when I didn’t want to go in the first place
    Ignoring texts, email, messages and phone calls. Especially if there maybe conflict
    Silence. So powerful for me.
    Ambiguity, Oh how cryptic I can be, leaving everyone baffled and lost.

    Cure: Assertiveness training
    thatchadguy and odinthor thanked this post.

  5. #5

    h is my answer. A good bit of that applies to me.
    Sometimes I get irritated when someone doesn't understand something like I do when it's "obvious". I'm not proud of that, working on chilling out. (mostly one of my best friends lol)

    Or if it seems like people don't understand what personal space is it can send me over the edge where I have to leave the room or I just try my best to not lash out and kinda zone out. I'll be in the kitchen cooking and have 3 people and a baby walk in screeching. AHHHHH

    Oh oh! When someone refuses to see all sides of an argument. *bangs head against wall*

  6. #6
    INFJ

    I actually am passive-aggressive (it's good to know, as an art teacher once told me) and using your letters, here's why:
    b & a (in that order). Yet, another reason I am passive-aggressive is because I lack the fundamental ability to assert myself often (it makes me uncomfortable) and so I use passive-aggressive tactics in order to make others perceive that I can assert myself in a given situation.
    odinthor thanked this post.

  7. #7

    Even if I think about the INFJs I've come across who I dislike - as in, can barely see a redeeming trait in - I haven't seen passive-aggression as a prominent nor memorable trait. That's not to say I never see it, but it's not a defining trait I can remember in unpleasant encounters or observations.

    I see passive-aggression in ISFJs and INFPs quite often. I see a morally/intellectually superior cattiness in INFJs that I also see in INTJs - but I wouldn't call it passive-aggression. More so a "I'm far more enlightened than you, that's why we're disagreeing" attitude and these individuals are not at all passive about it. It's an overt display.

    To the people who don't like me, in person I mean, I think they'd call me a lot of things - but not passive-aggressive. What flaws I believe people would perceive in me are probably more overt, excluding my appearance which is rather passive - where I aesthetically have an "I don't care about anything/anyone or you" look on my face.

    An overt 'false' sense of superiority is more what I see as being a common complaint towards our type overall and myself as an individual.

    To differentiate individuals within INFJs as a group, I agree with @bpbm . The least assertive people tend to be the most passive-aggressive without realising that's what they are - because their anger/annoyance/frustration has to be expressed somehow, and that's how it emerges.
    Sour Roses, bpbm, iblameyou and 3 others thanked this post.

  8. #8

    Quote Originally Posted by odinthor View Post
    I've been reading comments at various places online about what non-INFJs consider to be INFJ faults. Yes, I know we have no faults; but let's put that aside for the moment. One frequent complaint is about a perceived INFJ predilection for passive-aggressive behavior. (Let's define such behavior as delaying/concealing a negative response rather than addressing some issue in an immediate and direct manner.) And so, to the question:

    Addressing INFJs: What is the cause of passive-aggression in INFJs:

    (a) Simply wishing on general principle to avoid outward conflicts;

    (b) Needing time to process happenings/feelings;

    (c) Wanting to avoid having to tell someone a painful truth;

    (d) Fear that the angry strength of one's own feelings will only make things worse;

    (e) Fear that the nature of the other person is such that his/her reaction to what one would say will only make things worse;

    (f) Hope that one can just shrug it off;

    (g) Passive-aggression is simply spontaneous and inexplicable in INFJs;

    (h) Several of the above;

    (i) Something else (specify: ____________)
    Hmm this is interesting!

    I used to be very passive aggressive because of poor communication skills.. I'm not sure if I agree that it's an INFJ thing, for me it was a learned behavior. My family wasn't good at talking about problems and feelings, so I wasn't either for a very long time. It took a long time to figure out how to express my feelings without being overwhelmed by them or being afraid expressing negative emotions.

    I agree that B, D, F are contributing factors to how I feel about passive aggressive behavior. If E is a contributing factor, then I am probably not good friends with this person.

    Now I'm pretty confrontational haha - not in a vindictive way though, more like if I'm VERY certain someone did something wrong I will speak up and I can be really direct about it. If it's a friend and I know they're a good person, I'm very measured with my words because I don't want them to feel attacked when I broach the subject. In general I try to measure my words so that it isn't seen as a personal attack - that could derail the entire conversation.

    I get really frustrated when I receive passive aggressive behavior because I do see it as immature behavior. It's somewhat easier to deal with in person, online/not face to face, it can be a disaster lol
    odinthor thanked this post.

  9. #9
    INFJ - The Protectors

    Quote Originally Posted by Navvy Jay View Post
    Oh oh! When someone refuses to see all sides of an argument. *bangs head against wall*
    Totally!
    Navvy Jay thanked this post.

  10. #10

    Quote Originally Posted by Marv View Post
    I prefer simple passive-pacifism. It's a lot less trouble than all that aggression.
    Do you think there are times when it's appropriate to be aggressive?

    *Actually reading into "aggression" more - it's usually attached to hostile/violent intent so, I guess there is no place for that!
    Marvin the Dendroid thanked this post.


     
Page 1 of 3 1 2 3 LastLast

Similar Threads

  1. [INFJ] Ask an INFJ a Question, Get Assumptions and Passive Aggression
    By InTheFridge in forum INFJ Forum - The Protectors
    Replies: 27
    Last Post: 11-25-2015, 12:59 PM
  2. Passive-Aggression in Different Types
    By Swordsman of Mana in forum Enneagram Personality Theory Forum
    Replies: 51
    Last Post: 11-24-2015, 12:48 AM
  3. [ENFP] Thoughts on Passive Aggression?
    By Euphoria21 in forum ENFP Forum - The Inspirers
    Replies: 17
    Last Post: 09-20-2014, 11:07 AM
  4. [ENFJ] Passive Aggression
    By Cantarella in forum ENFJ Forum - The Givers
    Replies: 0
    Last Post: 05-20-2012, 12:44 AM
  5. NF's and passive aggression
    By The Great One in forum NF's Temperament Forum- The Dreamers
    Replies: 25
    Last Post: 08-22-2010, 11:49 AM

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  
All times are GMT -7. The time now is 11:14 AM.
Information provided on the site is meant to complement and not replace any advice or information from a health professional.
© 2014 PersonalityCafe
 

SEO by vBSEO 3.6.0