[INFJ] I don't know my worth?

I don't know my worth?

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This is a discussion on I don't know my worth? within the INFJ Forum - The Protectors forums, part of the NF's Temperament Forum- The Dreamers category; Hello, everyone! I am an INFJ type 4w3 having a severe bleeding disorder. And I ... really don't know my ...

  1. #1

    I don't know my worth?

    Hello, everyone!

    I am an INFJ type 4w3 having a severe bleeding disorder. And I ... really don't know my worth.

    I have been the most turbulent student in my class. Consider me a Sine curve or perhaps an AC current. Sometimes being almost as good as the toppers and at times being below average.

    With reading about type 4's lost sense of identity, you can try imagining my case.
    The type 3 wing makes me thrive to be the best in competition but my 'problem' greatly hinders my performance, my lifestyle actually. What I try to identify myself with say, C.Ronaldo, when playing sports but forgetting my body is never going to be fit like that. I don't take any prophylaxis.

    I am turning 23 this year, I guess I realised this pretty late, HA!

    I am graduating this year, and finding myself looking at the mediocrity of the society around me, the mediocres around me. The toppers flying away. And the worst part is watching the mediocres around me being able to *PUSH* harder, that I can't!


    This post might seem like another whining about life from a feeble young adult. But I am really looking for a serious advise one final time.


    Before you say, just do what you feel like, if you can't do this then try something else.
    But the point is, what is the point if I .... can't shoot for the stars to be even able to land on the moon.

    I am from India, the second most populated country just in case you forgot. It's very competitive, quality of life for the middle class is not great (well it might be than the middle class from Sudan but then what is the point me being different and what is the point of this post).
    Also, Society is Ignorant. Just what might happen to this post as well.


    I had a drug overdose by mistake yesterday but yeah, I survived. I was scared as hell.

    Sorry, I made this post a bit darker. But I consider your sensitivity and open-mindedness to understand what I am going through.
    charlie.elliot and halfamazing thanked this post.



  2. #2

    Just think of the story of the Tortoise & the Hare. Who won the race?

    Pace yourself. There are likely areas that you have to shine that you haven't encountered yet - it's a certainty in fact, since you're just graduating school. Endurance wins on turf that sprinting can not.

    Stop watching how you run or walk in a mirror, and just focus on walking or running your race in a way that works for you.

  3. #3
    Unknown Personality

    @pessimistic kid

    I'm sorry to hear what you're going through. From one of your other posts I understand if you don't appreciate if someone acknowledges you are suffering, yes there are others suffering in this world and that hurts.

    For the sake of connecting on a personal level with you from my side, something I have been thinking about myself is how suffering is not about deserving or not deserving to suffer. But in the history of this world, I believe it is a case of understanding we are in a sense "worthy" of suffering. There are those that have not deserved to suffer in the way that they were punished by the world for speaking what was true about the systems around them, but they were worthy of the suffering they experienced. The suffering they experienced in this way, was something they also chose because they did not turn away from it. You do not deserve to suffer in any way, but if you do suffer I am sure you are also worthy of it.

    In my life I have felt shame I think because I did not feel worthy of suffering. Then I denied my suffering even to myself in an attempt to honour those I felt really were worthy of the suffering they experienced. But I think that is not right. That is a way of saying I deserve to suffer, while also denying the reality of my own suffering.

    The truth now, I believe, for me, is that I do not deserve to suffer but if I do I am also worthy of suffering. As many others in the history of this world.
    pessimistic kid thanked this post.

  4. #4
    INFJ

    Destiny is a bitch my friend.

    Or a great ally.

    Sometimes your destiny isn't to save the girl.

    Sometimes its to tell the hero where the girl is.

    We're not all destined to be the protagonist in the story we want to write for ourselves.

    You're not entitled to write the story...you have very little to do with the pen that writes it even when you think you do.


    Your self-worth is tied to your need for perfection again. The society around you is mediocre, yet even the mediocre members of the mediocre society can push hard, and you cant. That must make you less than par. Not 'good enough' even for the 'only okays'.

    I've been there!!! Fuck that place!!!


    My only advise to you is to get the hell out of your head. Who the hell are you to judge yourself so harshly?

    Find someone who smiles. Someone who has less than you have. Be relentless in understanding their smile.
    FaintStar, pessimistic kid and another number thanked this post.

  5. #5

    Quote Originally Posted by Rebecca.M View Post
    Just think of the story of the Tortoise & the Hare. Who won the race?

    Pace yourself. There are likely areas that you have to shine that you haven't encountered yet - it's a certainty in fact, since you're just graduating school. Endurance wins on turf that sprinting can not.

    Stop watching how you run or walk in a mirror, and just focus on walking or running your race in a way that works for you.
    Thank you for your answer.

    Stop watching how you run or walk in a mirror, and just focus on walking or running your race in a way that works for you.
    It is tough, you know. Today's sprinters have endurance as well.
    I am scared with the pace that I have, I won't be able to go as far I dream myself of. Of my desires.Worst is yesterday's born Hares surpassing me. The kids in the family. They won't be respecting my ideals.
    So that's why I wonder what is the point of even trying. All I am going to get is more suffering.
    People around me are ignorant. Even my family at times forget who I am, and somewhere down the line expect me being a 'normal' functioning adult.



    Sorry, I just hate whining like this, I think I have made enough posts like this and this needs to stop as well.

  6. #6

    Quote Originally Posted by Maker of helmets View Post
    @pessimistic kid

    I'm sorry to hear what you're going through. From one of your other posts I understand if you don't appreciate if someone acknowledges you are suffering, yes there are others suffering in this world and that hurts.

    For the sake of connecting on a personal level with you from my side, something I have been thinking about myself is how suffering is not about deserving or not deserving to suffer. But in the history of this world, I believe it is a case of understanding we are in a sense "worthy" of suffering. There are those that have not deserved to suffer in the way that they were punished by the world for speaking what was true about the systems around them, but they were worthy of the suffering they experienced. The suffering they experienced in this way, was something they also chose because they did not turn away from it. You do not deserve to suffer in any way, but if you do suffer I am sure you are also worthy of it.

    In my life I have felt shame I think because I did not feel worthy of suffering. Then I denied my suffering even to myself in an attempt to honour those I felt really were worthy of the suffering they experienced. But I think that is not right. That is a way of saying I deserve to suffer, while also denying the reality of my own suffering.

    The truth now, I believe, for me, is that I do not deserve to suffer but if I do I am also worthy of suffering. As many others in the history of this world.
    This is such a great intellectually stimulating answer. I get what you mean by the people who you think were ''worthy'' of suffering as the world didn't treat them good. But what about people, the innocent ones say, suffering from famines, homicides, disasters,disorders are ''worthy'' as well?

    So, my ''worth'' is to just suffer here? Nothing else?
    Maker of helmets thanked this post.

  7. #7

    @pessimistic kid
    Happiness is defined by us for ourselves. It's in the perscpective. Easy to say, I know.
    However, no one can GIVE YOU happiness. One makes it for himself.

    Life isn't perfect in any country in the world. Different places have their vices and virtues.
    as @lascivia wrote - get out of your head...you need to think positive thoughts. Think of those who are even below the middle class, the children on the roads forced to beg, the baby with ribs showing for lack of food. Could you live in a society if everyone was considering giving up because of the pain in their lives?
    True, when you are in pain, no one else's pain seems more than yours. However, if you look around and find people who can be your good friends, can appreciate the small inexpensive things in life, be involved in your own hobbies to rejuvenate, maybe find ways to channel your pain - through music/art/literature/math/etc. then You may find peace of mind, if not happiness.

    There will come a time when you may realise, that you should live life based on your principles and not to please society. Society isn't going to give you everything you want on a platter. You should care about the people who actually love you and leave the rest alone. The ones who love you will eventually accept who you are because they would rather see you happy than in pain and despair.

    Compete if you like..but don't expect guarantees in life.
    I hope you find some ways to keep yourself happy...dwelling on such thoughts doesn't help. As you mentioned, it's a populated country, so imagine how many people are also going through similar conditions, maybe worse. (I thought India is the 1st most populated country as it surpassed China a few years ago)

    If you don't like what you see, try to change it ...don't need to accept it.
    pessimistic kid thanked this post.

  8. #8
    Unknown Personality

    Quote Originally Posted by pessimistic kid View Post
    This is such a great intellectually stimulating answer. I get what you mean by the people who you think were ''worthy'' of suffering as the world didn't treat them good. But what about people, the innocent ones say, suffering from famines, homicides, disasters,disorders are ''worthy'' as well?

    So, my ''worth'' is to just suffer here? Nothing else?
    I think yours and their worth as people is shown in the fact you and they have never deserved to suffer.
    It is not about that any one of us deserves to suffer - and that is why it is wrong when we cause one another to suffer. (this is what I think)
    pessimistic kid thanked this post.

  9. #9
    INFJ - The Protectors

    @pessimistic kid

    I am going to be brutally honest here but not so much against you. I will get to your post in a moment but before I do, I must say that PerC and all online forums are truly one of the worst places for most evolving INFJs in your situation. Matter of fact, it's even bad for me. You would think that one would find more "counselors" around providing developmental aid to the less developed. Instead, we are met with superficial self-reflect responses in which it only describes the person. I have the opposite problem in that I have been exposed to so much external perception, that I don't have anyone build with me. It's even lonelier for someone who has all this social intelligence but has nobody to really build with- especially with everyone being virtual land and having no real world social interaction. I can't go to the other sections because I am met with so many T types who only deal with facts and little to no emotion.

    But on to you now....

    Here is what I picked up in your post that I found interesting:

    "This post might seem like another whining about life from a feeble young adult. But I am really looking for a serious advise one final time".

    "Before you say, just do what you feel like, if you can't do this then try something else.
    But the point is, what is the point if I .... can't shoot for the stars to be even able to land on the moon".

    As an INFJ, I am baffled by the fact that you would even feel this way, especially in an INFJ thread..

    In order to understand self-worth, you must audit yourself. Write the answers down here: I DON'T WANT SUPERFICIAL ANSWERS- i WANT REAL HARD LINE ANSWERS.

    Who do you spend the most time with? Not just spend time with but actually connect with?
    What social topics of interest do you most connect with?
    What hobbies do you most connect with? (not necessarily are involved in but are fascinated with)
    How would your friends describe you? (be honest)
    How would your family describe you? (be honest)
    What makes you excited?
    Who in your life makes you excited and what about them excites you?
    What famous person excites and what about them, to include their style, their fashion, and abilities makes you excited?

    Answer those questions and only then will be able to create a road map.
    FaintStar and pessimistic kid thanked this post.

  10. #10

    Quote Originally Posted by halfamazing View Post
    @pessimistic kid

    I am going to be brutally honest here but not so much against you. I will get to your post in a moment but before I do, I must say that PerC and all online forums are truly one of the worst places for most evolving INFJs in your situation. Matter of fact, it's even bad for me. You would think that one would find more "counselors" around providing developmental aid to the less developed. Instead, we are met with superficial self-reflect responses in which it only describes the person. I have the opposite problem in that I have been exposed to so much external perception, that I don't have anyone build with me. It's even lonelier for someone who has all this social intelligence but has nobody to really build with- especially with everyone being virtual land and having no real world social interaction. I can't go to the other sections because I am met with so many T types who only deal with facts and little to no emotion.

    But on to you now....

    Here is what I picked up in your post that I found interesting:

    "This post might seem like another whining about life from a feeble young adult. But I am really looking for a serious advise one final time".

    "Before you say, just do what you feel like, if you can't do this then try something else.
    But the point is, what is the point if I .... can't shoot for the stars to be even able to land on the moon".

    As an INFJ, I am baffled by the fact that you would even feel this way, especially in an INFJ thread..

    In order to understand self-worth, you must audit yourself. Write the answers down here: I DON'T WANT SUPERFICIAL ANSWERS- i WANT REAL HARD LINE ANSWERS.

    Who do you spend the most time with? Not just spend time with but actually connect with?
    What social topics of interest do you most connect with?
    What hobbies do you most connect with? (not necessarily are involved in but are fascinated with)
    How would your friends describe you? (be honest)
    How would your family describe you? (be honest)
    What makes you excited?
    Who in your life makes you excited and what about them excites you?
    What famous person excites and what about them, to include their style, their fashion, and abilities makes you excited?

    Answer those questions and only then will be able to create a road map.
    Wonderfully done!

    I come to PC because I don't want to show my vulnerable self to others in the real world. I find some solace in reading good advice from some members....and some good laughs...it is better than not having anything. However, definitely not the place to come if I am going to kill myself as I want someone in front of me to hold me and stop my pain.

    I like the T threads because I love analysis, talking about other T related things or to understand T people even more (I like to understand people regardless of their types). There are many members who are T and even if the majority may not be able to help me through the painful things, a few can...

    In the end, the saying is "even this shall pass". It's about weathering the storm because down the road, you will let yourself again immerse into things and when the storm comes again, you can tell yourself it is another scar to bear. You will work through the pain with interests and close friends/family..and you will find ways to move on again.
    Is it painful? Yes, utterly painful.
    However, if you haven't gone through it, will you ever be able to console anyone else? No


    Is this forum a replacement for friends in person ? Absolutely not. However, if the world prefers to head to this virtual world rather than work on making true honest close friendships, then people like us have to deal with it as best as we can. I asked a question on friendship in a different thread and already see the pattern. All humans have emotions...and they deal with those emotions in different ways. However, no human hates to be with other humans unless something has triggered that. I doubt that a recluse becomes one because he doesn't like humans. It's probably because he doesn't find people who he can truly connect with (not discussing mental disorders here).

    When I read the question in this thread, I realise that people define their "worth" in different ways.
    I define mine in serving the poor...regardless of whether I am in pain, a failure, etc.
    Now, if I define my self worth to be the 2nd Steve Jobs, or another Warren Buffet, well then, I have to understand that if I fail, I need to deal with it appropriately. It's not a guarantee.
    Trying isn't bad..however, just because I try doesn't guarantee me success ALL THE TIME.

    Also another point @pessimistic kid - "looking for serious advice one last time"....
    Why should it be the last time? One should always look for ideas/suggestions to solve an issue..it should never be the "last time" as you never know if you might have an even better answer the next time you ask.
    Last edited by FaintStar; 04-25-2017 at 10:15 AM.
    pessimistic kid thanked this post.


     
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