[INFJ] Skid Marks on the Internal Road

Skid Marks on the Internal Road

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This is a discussion on Skid Marks on the Internal Road within the INFJ Forum - The Protectors forums, part of the NF's Temperament Forum- The Dreamers category; Because they don't usually know right away the import of what they're intuiting, they may "go along" with a questionable ...

  1. #1

    Skid Marks on the Internal Road

    Because they don't usually know right away the import of what they're intuiting, they may "go along" with a questionable situation until they can get a hold of how they actually feel about it. This tendency can be confusing to others, and it is often misinterpreted as reckless experimentation.
    -Lenore Thompson, INFJ type description

    "Something isn't right about this whole situation, but I don't want to act until I can get the full picture and know which step I should take."

    "What she just said doesn't sit right with me, there is deception here in that I don't think what she is presenting is the complete story or her real intent, but I'm not sure how to respond, yet...I need to think"


    "All my gut impulses say to do this, but it could destroy multiple relationships; let me look into this some more before making a final decision."

    Ever find yourself internally stalled?

    Indecision...the blight of a J saddled with the heavy trio of an Ni possibilities-generator, an Fe concerned-relationship-health meter, and sometimes indeterminate gut feelings..that leaves us in a state of limbo, staying in the questionable situation, for now at least...

    Plagued with a vague unsettled sense of mental indigestion, we ponder what it is we swallowed that makes us so queasy about entering this relationship or taking this course of action. Not anxious to alienate others unnecessarily or brashly dive off the beaten path into the map-free woods, we feel the need first to clear out the static from our poorly-tuned intuitive signal. What is it that makes us uneasy? What is really going on here? We're not fooled by them, but we don't want to act rashly, either...'maybe it would help, Ni, if you could satisfy my starving Ti with a hearty rationale it craves for this bold and blatant decision I feel impressed to make...?'

    When in the midst of complex situations in which there are multiple factors that just don't line up, various "bad feelings" about people involved, and the ever-present desire not to hurt people or destroy relationships...hounded along by the driving whip of closure and decision...I sometimes find myself still like a frozen horse when there are "giddyup"s ringing out everywhere.

    Usually very confident in my decisions, an unfamiliar, alien hesitance dominates - a need for confirmation that my gut instinct is indeed correct and this radical course of action really is necessary, since it could negatively affect people or relationships. Freewheeling intuitive impulse meets with traction and friction, Fe and Ti gang up to question Ni...and people wonder why I'm skidding around, or why I'm even still there, since usually I'm more decisive, up on my way going somewhere.

    Anyone identify? In what sorts of situations does this happen to you? :)
    A_Stah, StElmosDream, Vivid Melody and 6 others thanked this post.



  2. #2
    INFJ - The Protectors


    Numerous times I have been uncertain - and those times that I was rash in my actions something bad happened. . . but something bad happens anyway: the thing is, what is 'bad" is simply the least favorable of the whole complex of resulting events.

    I tend to go emotionally cold in stressful situations, and act with what appears to be (at that time) the most rational course of action. When the numbness passes, the hurting starts.

    I understand the reasons for this behavior: it goes back to childhood and teenage abuse by my old man. Back then, I went emotionally and physically cold - never felt the "punishment."

    So I unintentionally hurt people who have done me no harm. And I never can forget that.

  3. #3
    INFJ - The Protectors

    yes yes yes

    Because they don't usually know right away the import of what they're intuiting, they may "go along" with a questionable situation until they can get a hold of how they actually feel about it.
    OMG yes.

    Indecision...the blight of a J saddled with the heavy trio of an Ni possibilities-generator, an Fe concerned-relationship-health meter, and sometimes indeterminate gut feelings..that leaves us in a state of limbo, staying in the questionable situation, for now at least...
    Oh HELL yes.

    And for me, not only in the questionable situation but moving forward along the path of the questionable situation.

    You know, I could quote back your entire post and keep saying yes yes, so why don't I just say that and save the space.

    But. Here's the thing with me. I've observed that this process has an actual function in some cases.

    When I am in this space, I move in certain ways. I try to gather more information using Fe and analyze it with Ti and (possibly) Ni, I see if there are areas where change might be possible, I interact with people and groups who I would otherwise have bolted from on that original gut feeling.

    And when I do this in a context with significant deception and/or masked and hidden things, my movement usually does something in that external environment. By the time I do step away, I have - due to the pressure of the situation inside myself - figured the hidden things out very very clearly, and my analysis is extremely accurate and rigorous (I say this as a formally trained qualitative researcher).

    And because I have been in so much internal struggle, my actions when I do step away often include articulation of what I have seen. Not because I'm trying to help, but because that seems to be what I need to do to off-gas whatever has built up in me from the process. And I end up speaking evidence-grounded truths that other people are afraid to know or to speak, or both, and I do so from a space of "I have NOTHING to lose here." Because once I decide I'm done, I am done.

    Lately I've been struggling with three things about this process for myself.

    1. I'm struggling to accept it when it shows up in certain circumstances. Just accept that this is part of how I move under certain circumstances, because it just - is. I get drawn to particular contexts, and people on those contexts are similarly drawn to me, and then this whole thing plays out and it doesn't matter what I decide - I function in this role. I've fought it for a long time and fighting it makes no difference for me. So I'm looking at accpeting it as a means of just relaxing part of myself about it.

    2. I'm also seeking to minimize the logistical/material-level negative impact on myself for these situations. There is variation in the terms on which I leave certain situations. For example, I do appear to have a say over how friendly the surface-level terms are when I leave. This is important because this pattern has appeared a faair amount in work/income-related contexts.

    3. I also want to make a real enacted distinction related to my personal life: I feel that this function has NO place in my close personal connections. For me, close personal connections need to be mutual and reciprocal - not me functioning in relation to some sh** that the other person is hiding from. I don't identify as a helper or counselor in general, and certainly not in my personal relationships.

    And #3 is really plaguing me right at the moment.


 

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