[INFJ] (Physically) Attractive INFJs? Or INFJs on physical attractiveness

(Physically) Attractive INFJs? Or INFJs on physical attractiveness

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This is a discussion on (Physically) Attractive INFJs? Or INFJs on physical attractiveness within the INFJ Forum - The Protectors forums, part of the NF's Temperament Forum- The Dreamers category; Just as a break from all the deep soul-searching stuff going around here - I've often read that INFJs tend ...

  1. #1
    INFJ - The Protectors

    (Physically) Attractive INFJs? Or INFJs on physical attractiveness

    Just as a break from all the deep soul-searching stuff going around here - I've often read that INFJs tend to be concerned (well, at least more concerned than their INFP counterparts) about their physical appearance.

    For example, they are more likely to go the gym, eat right etc. for the sake of keeping a pleasant physical appearance rather than for the purpose of being healthy.

    1. Are you concerned about your physical appearance?

    2. What is your attitude towards your (perceived) physical attractiveness?

    I confess that, despite me preferring to see myself as deep/ at least not superficial, I do have a small vanity streak. I like to keep myself in shape, going to the gym about 2/3 times a week - not a gym junkie, not obsessed over dieting (I am an incurable chocoholic after all), but not totally lax either. And I wear make-up. Not too much - if we're heading out for the night, I'll be the first girl out of the bathroom after 10 mins tops and waiting with the rest of the guys - but I'm goaded that I feel like I need to wear any at all.

    For me, I think the word 'annoyance' sums up my attitude towards physical attractiveness. I feel like it's a superficial barrier put up between people that's unavoidable but distracting, hindering people from getting to know what's on the inside. As a girl, I have to admit that being even slightly physically attractive makes things easier socially, in that people are more likely to accept you in a new social circle, but, as an INFJ, I feel like it can be incredibly isolating. Hard to put my finger on exactly why but perhaps it's a combination of people making assumptions based on the way you look, being quite reserved/ not like an open book, having incredibly divergent (and geeky haha) interests to the mainstream, and wondering (in terms of dating etc.) if guys are interested in me because of the way I look or the stuff I have to say/think about (which I prize much much more).

    Anyway, hope that makes sense and that I don't come across as conceited because I know that there are far worse and pitiable things in life than fussing over your looks (or lack thereof ... ), but this is a light-hearted topic so I'm interested to hear what you fellow INFJs think

    (PS. This was partly inspired by this thread Talk About a Difficult Life! ... lol)
    Ethanol, zeBunnyQueen, bubbleboy and 58 others thanked this post.

  2. #2
    INFJ - The Protectors

    I'm pretty much the same. I (try to) keep up my physical appearance because people are friendlier and more willing to talk to you if you do. I do the same for other things in life actually. For instance, I try to do well in exams because people will judge you on that, and I try to learn interesting and entertaining skills, because people will judge on that. It's definitely annoying, but it suppose it is reasonable that I should do things that other people like, I mean what else is the point of me existing?

  3. #3
    Unknown Personality

    It's true that being attractive gives you an edge when dealing with other people, however, the main reason I want to be attractive is because I wouldn't feel comfortable not being good looking. It's about satisfying your own self image.
    bubbleboy, lemondropG, Kharyzmatiq and 23 others thanked this post.

  4. #4
    INFJ - The Protectors

    Quote Originally Posted by Krelian91 View Post
    It's true that being attractive gives you an edge when dealing with other people, however, the main reason I want to be attractive is because I wouldn't feel comfortable not being good looking. It's about satisfying your own self image.
    Hmm, I think this is true, however I also think that a lot of my self image is based on what other people think about me, and how they react and interact with me.
    bubbleboy, nessarific, Starlightdreams and 4 others thanked this post.

  5. #5

    I've been made fun of for the way I look so I have insecurities about my looks. Come to terms with alot of it, but from environmental conditioning... pretty = you don't get made fun of.

    When it comes to other people looking pretty or not, I could care less... it doesn't affect what I think of them as a person. I will make a note though that as a designer, I 'enjoy' looking at pretty things (that includes faces) etc... so I will always admire a beautiful face in a purely aesthetic way. During highschool I had an obsession with the question "what makes something beautiful?".

    There's always two kinds of beauty, soul/depth/character vs superficial/topical/etc... and I will always have an appreciation for both, but when it comes to what is more important to me, no amount of beauty on the outside can wipe away a rotten core. I would be lieing if I said that I didn't look for both.

    Ideal = beautiful inside and out.
    STILL awesome = beautiful inside, perhaps not the best looking outward.
    You suck = beautiful outside, rotten inside.
    Just Sad = neither beautiful inside, or out.

    That's me being honest. I don't think INFJs are an exception to the rule when it comes to the affect that 'beauty' has on you, I think we choose consciously for it not to be and perhaps after years of re-conditioning we can dim or eliminate it's affect on us.

    The thing about beauty is that our initial reaction is instinctual, you see it.. you stare at it, I tend to analyze it. It's great and all as an initial attraction, but no matter how beautiful something is - once you start to stare at it, over time it loses it's novelty.

    I've had friends (male AND female) and dated guys who I thought were physically attractive and after a year of staring at the same face it doesn't have the same draw/pull that it once did. Beauty is an initial attraction, it's like fireworks, it's really bright and flashy but dies quickly... and character/substance is like a candle, its not as bright/flashy but it burns alot longer and brighter as time goes by.
    bubbleboy, lemondropG, LiteratureNerd and 49 others thanked this post.

  6. #6
    INTJ - The Scientists

    There isn't anything wrong with a measured sense of vanity.

    This might come from Ni users Se use, which is why you don't notice this of INFP's.

  7. #7
    INFJ - The Protectors

    I am generally regarded as attractive and stylish. Depending on whoever's looking at me, I may be cute, beautiful, or hot. As a female that lives in a city, and uses public transportation, walks the streets, and works in food service, being attractive isn't the best thing. I like being put together, and projecting my personal sense of style. I like to look in the mirror before I leave the house, and be pleased with my appearance. However, once I'm out of the house, and creepy guys follow me down the street, make rude gestures and noises at me, invade my personal time and space by continuing to hit on me after being perfectly clear about wanting to be left alone, I think to myself: Screw this, I'm going to get a bad haircut, something no one will confuse as an attempt at being hip. It's difficult for women (and men!), in general, scraping by, dealing with all kinds of fucked up social and sexual pressures from every direction; being attractive influences how those pressures are applied to a person. I don't shave; some people find this repulsive, some find it attractive, some don't care either way.The point is, I've never been one to sexualize my appearance for the sake of finding someone to be with. Appearance is power, and despite the cards an individual has been dealt, I think altering one's appearance can be a great manipulator.

    In reference to INFJs, I've noticed a particular demeanor, set of mannerisms, speaking voice, and of course those INFJ eyes, that many of us share. I find it alluring, particularly when we are so wrapped up in a passionate rant about who-knows-what and we're not even speaking to the people around us, we're just SPEAKING. Our way is careful/thoughtful, and fluid/expressive. It's poetic for that reason. It's artful. Like a dance. We are not like most people-- we are not like each other, maybe. That in itself is attractive.
    Valnadis, daydr3am, daydr3am and 73 others thanked this post.

  8. #8
    INFJ - The Protectors

    I agree that we (INFJs) are a very attractive group of people. The INFJ photos sticky is pretty interesting.

    I can't take credit for what I have. The rest of my family is attractive in a very striking, regal sort of way. I'm a middle child & a little bit more quirky. Not sure if they'd be okay with me putting a picture of ALL of them here but I'll find a recent one to show of a few of us & come back & edit this. In general I am also very mindful of my appearance. When I'm unhappy with the way I look I get anxious and depressed.

    *Edit* Here ya go. I'm on the right. My younger sis is on the left. She's much prettier than I was at her age.
    Here's my mom:
    Lad, Ethanol, Vivid Melody and 3 others thanked this post.

  9. #9

    I don't think this is an INFJ characteristic, but a human characteristic. It is also your environment. For instance, I have always been a tomboy, but once I was ridiculed and called a "monster" (because I did not care for physical attractiveness and felt it was superficial and conformist); I promised that I would "prove them all wrong". Which is a form of conforming. I think our culture forces us to conform to the "ideal", in their regard. This year though, I haven't been exercising as much, or at all, as I'd like to or know I should be. But, even if I know that I don't have abs anymore because I drink beer consistently without trying to lose the weight...I am so much more comfortable with my weight. That aside, I never used exercise as a way to "look good", so I don't understand this perspective. I actually don't have the ability to motivate myself to exercise or go to the gym if my only goal is to be thinner or "attractive". In the past, I have also used exercise as dealing with personal problems. There was a point in my life that my sister bullied me and that I was ugly etc, I didn't conform to her value of what "beauty" is, but I used exercise as to deal with my inner anger and frustration.
    zeBunnyQueen, LyricalWhip, Shea and 6 others thanked this post.

  10. #10
    INFJ - The Protectors

    Yeah, I think it's due to our pesky Se. It creates a love-hate relationship within us in that we find aesthetically attractive things appealing but, at the same time, are critical of materialism and value individualism.

    For me, it manifests in an internal struggle between wanting to look good (for my own sake) but shying away from the attention of other people. Divide between wanting aesthetic appeal/ avoiding the superficial.
    Aziza, Ethanol, daydr3am and 67 others thanked this post.

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