[INFJ] and reasons for avoiding someone

and reasons for avoiding someone

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This is a discussion on and reasons for avoiding someone within the INFJ Forum - The Protectors forums, part of the NF's Temperament Forum- The Dreamers category; Hi there, I'm an INTJ and I've recently developed a crush on a guy who I'm 99% sure is an ...

  1. #1
    INTJ

    and reasons for avoiding someone

    Hi there,
    I'm an INTJ and I've recently developed a crush on a guy who I'm 99% sure is an INFJ. We met over a month ago and we see each other a lot throughout the week but always in group settings. When we first met he seemed really friendly with me and would joke around by sneaking up behind me and would come up and talk to me a lot and stare at me from across the room when he thought I wasn't looking. He would also kind of linger near me without talking. I thought this meant he was starting to like me, too. But all of a sudden he just stopped talking to me and he'll laugh and talk with everyone else in the room but completely avoid me. I feel like he still watches me but only so he can be sure we're not near each other.

    There's no way he could know that I'm starting to crush on him so I didn't think he was ignoring me because he was creeped out by my feelings, but I also tried to smile more at him whenever he did talk to me so he didn't think I wasn't interested (a bad INTJ trait). I try to initiate conversations myself but he's always surrounding himself with his friends whenever I'm nearby and that's a bit more intimidating so I just hang back.



    I know everyone is different but I could really use the opinion of an INFJ, especially a male one. Thanks!



  2. #2

    I'm prone to overthinking especially when it comes to emotional matters. I can reflect back on many times when nonverbal signals of interest were being thrown my way and I was so caught up in how I was feeling that I completely missed them until it was too late.

    Personally I would approach him and ask to speak to him privately then quietly just ask him out.

    He would also kind of linger near me without talking.
    I only tend to linger around people I like even if it's just friendly. So a sign of interest at least.


    There are only two reasons I have found myself avoiding someone in that manner. Either I was worried that I sent the wrong messages and didn't want to complicate the situation or I was feeling quite intensely and started short circuiting internally and resorted to putting up walls and barriers to avoid stimulation altogether. The latter happens much more frequently than the former.

    Best of luck to you. =)

  3. #3

    He needs to be more graceful maybe lol.

    I know I can shoot up really bubbly and then shut off at a random hour or next day.
    I have learned to really harness that like a wild horse... It confuses people. Makes them think I can put out the same amount of silly energy all day long.

    I find this bubbly side is easier over time. As in the more time I spend with someone the more comfortable I am. Especially with people I work beside everyday, I don't really need to close myself off. And if I do, it's very subtle and no one could notice.
    But yeah, the other version without warming up to the person first, the close-off can seem a bit abrupt

    It's not just about having energy at the present moment but almost a fear: will I be able to sustain this behavior in the long run with this person.
    SOM and agapetos thanked this post.

  4. #4
    ENTJ

    He may have
    1) realized he likes you and not know how to deal with it, or
    2) realized he might be perceived as flirting, and be attempting to rectify the wrong, or
    3) not realized he is doing any of this, and simply be doing as he wishes

    It really depends on his maturity level, to be honest. Age, relationship experiences, etc.

    I know you asked for a male INFJ, but my best friend is a male INFJ and I've been close to one other, so I answered based on my experience of them and a few other female INFJs.
    agapetos thanked this post.

  5. #5
    INTJ

    Quote Originally Posted by Crimson Ash View Post
    There are only two reasons I have found myself avoiding someone in that manner. Either I was worried that I sent the wrong messages and didn't want to complicate the situation or I was feeling quite intensely and started short circuiting internally and resorted to putting up walls and barriers to avoid stimulation altogether. The latter happens much more frequently than the former.

    Best of luck to you. =)
    Is it normal for an INFJ, then, to avoid someone for a bit and then go right back to normal? I was hanging out with him today (again, in a group setting) and he was still pretty quiet but he stood near me a lot and even asked me a few questions about myself and made sure to say bye to me before leaving when he would usually just quickly make eye contact then leave.
    Sorry for all the questions, but I know INFJ guys are hard to come by and I need all the help I can get ;)
    Crimson Ash thanked this post.

  6. #6

    Quote Originally Posted by agapetos View Post
    Is it normal for an INFJ, then, to avoid someone for a bit and then go right back to normal? I was hanging out with him today (again, in a group setting) and he was still pretty quiet but he stood near me a lot and even asked me a few questions about myself and made sure to say bye to me before leaving when he would usually just quickly make eye contact then leave.
    Sorry for all the questions, but I know INFJ guys are hard to come by and I need all the help I can get ;)
    Don't apologize, I'm just happy to provide any perspective I can to help. I could write an entire book on how I don't know why my mind works the way it does.

    I don't think it's normal for anyone to ignore someone and then go right back to normal with no explanation on their part.

    A couple of years ago I would have said something different, but honestly life is far too fleeting to be mucking about with "what if's".
    I would just ask him out to coffee or something. Stir the pot to see if anything is bubbling underneath essentially. Overanalyzing body language and behavioral aspects can only get you so far.
    agapetos thanked this post.

  7. #7

    Quote Originally Posted by Crimson Ash View Post
    [...]

    I don't think it's normal for anyone to ignore someone and then go right back to normal with no explanation on their part.

    [...]
    I do it all the time.

    Something unexpected happens. I withdraw to reassess things and, if necessary, gather more data and process it. I come up with a new take, and return to the battlefield party hoping my new take handles everything and accounts for everything satisfactorily.

    Explanations would only heighten the mystery, as who can really understand? People would only end up more baffled, or, worse, argue with my explanation.

    If people don't like it, they can take the convenient alternative option.
    Crimson Ash, Copper North and agapetos thanked this post.


     

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