[INFJ] How Do You Define "Betrayal" and "Forgiveness"

How Do You Define "Betrayal" and "Forgiveness"

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This is a discussion on How Do You Define "Betrayal" and "Forgiveness" within the INFJ Forum - The Protectors forums, part of the NF's Temperament Forum- The Dreamers category; In the https://personalitycafe.com/infj-foru...fj-when-4.html thread there are a lot of mentions of forgiveness and betrayal. What do the concepts of forgiveness ...

  1. #1
    ESTP

    How Do You Define "Betrayal" and "Forgiveness"

    In the https://personalitycafe.com/infj-foru...fj-when-4.html thread there are a lot of mentions of forgiveness and betrayal.

    What do the concepts of forgiveness and betrayal mean to you?
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  2. #2
    INFJ - The Protectors

    Forgiveness: when I consciously recognize when somebody has wronged me/whoever, and I'm able to look beyond their wrongdoing for the sake of the greater good. It's also worth noting that, in my book, forgiving somebody does not imply that I'll forget what they did. I always take past events into consideration in the future, even if I do forgive the person.

    Betrayal: when I consciously recognize when somebody has wronged me/whoever, but I cannot justify their actions. I feel betrayed when I can't understand why somebody would do what this person did, assuming what they did truly does cause a deep wound.

  3. #3
    Unknown Personality

    Forgiveness is rather easy for me... It's the feeling I have when I know that I am hurt in the course of an interaction, but I also realize that the onus for that is partially on my sensitive little shoulders. I have to forgive them and myself for what was said/done in order to move beyond it. Otherwise (and I used to do this as a child) things would replay ceaselessly in my mind over the situation and the hurt feelings just spiral out of proportion.

    Betrayal is much more difficult. It's a word I hardly ever use because it has hardly ever happened to me. When the word betrayal comes up it means someone broke my trust. I don't get hurt feelings from that. It leaves me feeling like I'm in a dark pit with mud for sides so that the more I try to climb out the deeper I dig myself. Betrayal is nasty all around for me and I think that has to do with what goes into my "friend/real" relationships vs. what I contribute to acquaintance relationships. An acquaintance does not really have the power to betray me. A friend, on the other hand, can and so it means more to me and is, therefore, also more destructive.
    Ista, Lad and OldManRivers thanked this post.

  4. #4
    INFJ - The Protectors

    I felt betrayal and forgiveness can go hand-in-hand. Forgiveness allows you to give a relationship a future after someone has hurt you. When you forgive you are letting go of the past--you can’t change it anyways so it makes sense. When you forgive you open your heart to experience a love that can only be described as transforming. When that type of love happens it not only changes you but those who have betrayed you in a magnificent way.

    This is what being human is about. We can choose to offer forgiveness when that person doesn’t deserve it. We can choose to love when our enemies deserve hate. It’s a miracle that happens.

    Most people don’t realize it but they are walking around with a bunch of resentments from betrayals that includes, family, parents, bosses, co-workers, loved ones, and friends. Maybe they broke a promise to you, maybe they were just big jerks-- but trust me when I say that forgiveness will give you freedom while the negative feeling of resentment via betrayal will lock you into only one way of ever seeing them and the situation.

    The fact is that we are much more complicated then one sided beings. A person who mistreated you today could be the same person that protects another tomorrow. You (who are so justified in your pain) could be unknowingly lashing out and hurting those you consider close. This all create a vicious cycle. The only option to stop it, is to forgive, and move on--even if it's stemmed from broken of trust through betrayal.
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  5. #5

    Quote Originally Posted by MAP View Post
    Forgiveness: when I consciously recognize when somebody has wronged me/whoever, and I'm able to look beyond their wrongdoing for the sake of the greater good. It's also worth noting that, in my book, forgiving somebody does not imply that I'll forget what they did. I always take past events into consideration in the future, even if I do forgive the person.

    Betrayal: when I consciously recognize when somebody has wronged me/whoever, but I cannot justify their actions. I feel betrayed when I can't understand why somebody would do what this person did, assuming what they did truly does cause a deep wound.
    This is exactly how I feel about betrayal and forgiveness.
    GoodOldDreamer and MAP thanked this post.

  6. #6
    INFJ - The Protectors


    Betrayal is rather straightforward and unambiguous.

    Forgiveness: I see two distinct categories. One, the person who wronged another is remorseful and asks forgiveness.Forgivness can mean, I accept that you are sorry,and for both of us I forgive you. That really does not equate to trust in the future.

    The other categiory is that the person who wronged another refuses to consider any wrongdoing, and even insists, "its your fault."
    One can close of that area of their life and move on. Forgivness? That enables the wrongdoer.

    I had a young girl, early teens, who was raped by a family member. Her family insisted she had to forgive him in order to "get over it." So she went to him to forgive him and he did it again.
    I told her there was not forgiveness in heaven or earth for him and the Bible says that it would be better that a millstone be tied around his neck and he thrown into the sea. Maimtain your anger, I told her, directed toward him, and tell yourself, "Never again!" Draw strength from the anger - You do not deserve to be treated that way. . .and in later times, you can discharge your anger and not hurt any more. You can leave it to God to punish. She begain to recover.
    Last edited by OldManRivers; 11-04-2012 at 05:17 AM.
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