[INFJ] How to socialize

How to socialize

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This is a discussion on How to socialize within the INFJ Forum - The Protectors forums, part of the NF's Temperament Forum- The Dreamers category; ...

  1. #1

    How to socialize

    Hey!
    I was always this kid nobody would really talk to, because I was always kinda weird I guess. And if weíre the chameleons, I wonder why that might be, because in all other aspects I identify with an infj personality (now). So, the one thing I wanted from you: how can I find people to talk to about interesting things?
    I thought maybe online, but thatís kinda weird. And sometimes I have this awesome story ideas, but I donít really enjoy writing them that much (but I would like to have this kind of project and see my characters go through the story) - so I thought a writer would be fine to talk to. But I also thought I would have to write something too, so we can talk about both of our stories... or whatever.
    Also, when I am with one person, I can usually talk and I enjoy it sometimes very much, but with every one other person who comes into the conversation, it gets harder and harder to talk (I thought maybe I donít wanna interrupt much and in groups, thereís never silence). I also like to help other people when they donít know something I do, like maths or languages mostly.
    One last thing. Nowadays, I feel so isolated and I want to talk to people, to have friends and to have some hobbies and that kind of thing, but I just canít. I donít know why. I just donít seem to have a good kind of response to a lot of themes other people talk about. (I also somewhat enjoy the isolated state, I canít imagine myself really going out that much, just sometimes, and most people donít get that and think I doní really enjoy their company)
    Maybe one more thing. If you suggest going to the gym or something like that, I donít really wanna meet people who think Iím weird already. Like, my former classmates or people from the village I live in.
    Hexigoon thanked this post.



  2. #2

    Same here. I like people but am actually not good at making new friends, so I wish I could give advice.
    Super isolated. No friends really. Sadness. Alone time is strangely nice though. I want to socialize but I also know that after awhile it gets so exhausting

  3. #3

    Iíve always been the same way. I think the best thing to do is just start talkingódonít worry about being liked, donít worry about ďmaking a friend,Ē just strike up conversations whenever thereís a chance (ďhi, how are you?Ē ďIím great, Iíve been working on this project about...Ē etc), and people who are interested in what youíre saying will naturally just gravitate toward you.

  4. #4

    (An AR-15 is the superior fox-hunting weapon)

    If you want to talk to people about interesting things, go out on a limb and find an interesting hobby you think you'd enjoy, or maybe it's one you've always wanted to do. Then you will be around people who at least have one common interest with you, which increases your chances of striking up any conversation, which increases your chance of having a really successful conversation!

    Here you will find people who are super interested in personality theories. If that's what you're also super interested in, then you already have a leg in to make some friends. But no matter what you like, I think this is still a good community to be in.

    An ISTP friend of mine, a male, recently started taking pole dancing classes. Misguided inferior Fe plus Se experimentation?—I don't know! But he's having a good time, and he's getting exercise and getting stronger, and he's learning another skill and art-form, and he has something really interesting to bring to a conversation! ...He makes more like-minded friends at his ukulele club, but one thing does lead to another!

    Have fun!! :)
    lifeisanillusion thanked this post.

  5. #5

    It seems like your problem is that you don't have good conversation topics, so maybe you need to try something new in order to have something to talk about with others. If your head is constantly stuffed with "weird" (eg. esoteric interests, obscure theories, books that other people haven't read), it can be hard to keep that from mixing into conversations with "normal people". So my advice would be to listen to what kinds of things other people are talking about, and then literally go and do some research on that topic. For example, if everyone at your workplace is talking about a TV show, then watch some episodes of that show. If people like to talk about sports, try to keep up with that sport. I know these might not be things you are personally interested in, but hey, maybe you will be pleasantly surprised when you try something new. Other people on this thread have already suggested finding a club or an organization for people who share your interests, which is also good advice.
    lifeisanillusion and StableSun35 thanked this post.

  6. #6

    In the same shoes but sadly have to resort to small talk first as most people are so shallow these days like a puddle in a parking lot that it is not funny. There are very few people who like deep topics and have some sophistication. Some people will have it easier than others but for the rest it is a lonely life where one has to come to terms and accept. I've given up trying to be "normal" and just go my own way.
    Hexigoon thanked this post.

  7. #7

    Quote Originally Posted by The Lonley Hobbit View Post
    In the same shoes but sadly have to resort to small talk first as most people are so shallow these days like a puddle in a parking lot that it is not funny. There are very few people who like deep topics and have some sophistication. Some people will have it easier than others but for the rest it is a lonely life where one has to come to terms and accept. I've given up trying to be "normal" and just go my own way.
    @The Lonley Hobbit , I used to think this way too, until I realized that talking about mundane things doesn't necessarily have to be boring or shallow; I've had very interesting conversations with people about things like our opinions on bread (we started talking about our travels and different places where we've eaten bread, and cool articles that we'd read about the history of bread, and funny bread-related stories from our past). Almost any topic can be deep or shallow depending on how you talk about it. Anyways, there are plenty of book clubs, philosophy meetups, and other places where you can go to have more substantial conversations if you want to. But I think if you enter a conversation with an open mind and take an interest in what the other person is interested in, rather than only focusing on what you want to talk about, you might learn something new even from a "small talk" conversation.

  8. #8

    Quote Originally Posted by BlueRaspberry View Post
    @The Lonley Hobbit , I used to think this way too, until I realized that talking about mundane things doesn't necessarily have to be boring or shallow; I've had very interesting conversations with people about things like our opinions on bread (we started talking about our travels and different places where we've eaten bread, and cool articles that we'd read about the history of bread, and funny bread-related stories from our past). Almost any topic can be deep or shallow depending on how you talk about it. Anyways, there are plenty of book clubs, philosophy meetups, and other places where you can go to have more substantial conversations if you want to. But I think if you enter a conversation with an open mind and take an interest in what the other person is interested in, rather than only focusing on what you want to talk about, you might learn something new even from a "small talk" conversation.
    Sometimes yes but I don't always have the energy to burn on small talk, the town I've been dealing with is pretty dry. Small town USA honestly sucks to be honest and the next couple rungs on the ladder isn't much better if at all. I am not interested in the big cities for obvious reasons, I just want to escape to somewhere untainted and free spirited.

  9. #9

    After living most of my life living in the shadows of those whose social skills eclipsed my own, I decided recently(ish) - in the last couple of years - to stand out of the shadows and be my own weird, idiosyncratic self. I started making the odd observations that I had previously held back, I gave myself the permission to share my thoughts, and I learnt to be myself without apology. The things that I am interested in are generally not all that interesting to the a lot of people. I am into educational theory, history, meteorology, art...but I talk about these things anyway, because when I talk about things with passion, I don't think it particularly matters whether others are interested or not, they tend to want to talk because they become interested. And if they don't, well, that's their problem rather than mine. I also like to make observations about social behaviours and quirks, and this can lead to some quite interesting discussions.

    The simple point is that I am not responsible for making decisions about how other people perceive me, I need to give them the information they need to make their own decision. And if they see me as boring or weird that is a reflection of them, not me.

  10. #10
    ESTJ

    You could find a group on Meetup or find a book club or something. You said groups aren't your thing but groups are an easy way to meet a variety of people. And in groups there are main conversations but sometimes they break up into smaller groups. It could help you to find people to talk to.
    Last edited by Tyche; 04-08-2018 at 09:16 AM.
    lifeisanillusion thanked this post.


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