[INFJ] Serial Monogomy?

Serial Monogomy?

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This is a discussion on Serial Monogomy? within the INFJ Forum - The Protectors forums, part of the NF's Temperament Forum- The Dreamers category; Could you guys see an INFJ doing this? I'm kind of confused as to what MBTI type I am (leaning ...

  1. #1
    INFJ - The Protectors

    Serial Monogomy?

    Could you guys see an INFJ doing this? I'm kind of confused as to what MBTI type I am (leaning towards some combo of Se/Ni and Ti/Fe) and I know that I act this way, so I wonder if you could see an INFJ doing this.

    I often have my eyes open, looking for a person who satisfies my fancy. It's pretty regular that I end up developing some sort of crush on someone for all kinds of reasons. I see goodness is most people and if there is a good quality in someone I will often start obsessively thinking about that person. I imagine all kinds of things about this person and put them up on a pedestal in my mind.

    Now, I'm a fairly attractive girl and I can be flirty when comfortable. I passively try and find ways to be around this person, and I shower them with my attention when they're around. It usually doesn't take long for people to realize I am interested. And, it usually doesn't take long for me to figure out their feelings about me. If they show any signs of not being interested I cut myself off quickly and turn my thoughts to other things until I forget about them.

    But, when they ARE interested, thats when things get interesting. I usually throw myself into the relationship. I follow their lead, for the most part, but things move quickly. I am a very affectionate person, so I start hand holding, hugging and kissing early. I spend all my time with that person (as much as we can take, I am a fairly introverted person and I need a lot of alone time) and slowly learn all about them.

    And as quickly as I fell for their unique aspects, I start to see how they are the same as everyone else. I see the faults in their character, I see the problems that plague their mind, and I stop being interested. Their cute actions start to reveal a not so pleasant interior. I know its horrible, but I usually end things at this point.

    And as soon as my mind stops thinking about that person, a new unique person will present themselves, and the cycle continues.

    If you couldn't see an INFJ acting this way (and trust me, I'm not proud of myself, but I feel how I feel in relationships), what type could you see acting this way?

    Anyone relate to this at all?
    Kris312 and Opabinia thanked this post.



  2. #2
    INFJ - The Protectors

    "And as quickly as I fell for their unique aspects, I start to see how they are the same as everyone else. I see the faults in their character, I see the problems that plague their mind, and I stop being interested. Their cute actions start to reveal a not so pleasant interior. I know its horrible, but I usually end things at this point."

    That's the part that kills the INFJ-ness, in my opinion. Nobody ever stops being interesting to me. Nobody is ever perfect enough, but everybody is interesting and worth having in their own way.

    The only other thing I didn't relate to was that you show your crush direct attention. I've always tended to sit across the room trying to psychically show them I'm interested, and then shocked when they don't get the message. Your way certainly seems more effective. :)

  3. #3
    INFJ - The Protectors

    Mm. I'm a more direct INFJ in terms of pursuing people - this may be a circumstantial side-effect of having really limited options as a lgbt person...and needing to interact with people a lot more in order to find out who's in my dating pool and who isn't. Then I must show interest, if I am indeed interested, or another lgbt person might not assume I'm available as an option to them as well.

    Serial monogamist in the sense of not having many casual dating situations. I hate casual dating, actually, there's a sense of in-authenticity to the whole process that bugs me.

    With some small exceptions, I take my time getting to know someone (part of that process can include finding out their romantic/sexual preferences before I even consider if I might like to consider them as a long term romantic prospect), once I've determined that I'm interested in someone romantically and they're potentially available, then I may pursue them, then I'll spend another super long time dating them exclusively and maybe figuring out they're not for me. I've had a few abusive relationships as well, and even then I kind of gave them way more chances and spent much longer than I should have in the relationship. Ending relationships doesn't happen easily for me (and judging from what I read about other INFJs, it's variations on a theme).

    If the reason wasn't something like "they cheated on me" or "they hit me" my reasoning tends to be - "I don't see myself being able to raise children in a healthy environment with this person." or ... "I don't see our communication style being able to maintain a long term healthy and happy relationship."

    I'm not sure this is a particular manifestation that I would use to try to figure out type with though.
    cypresstree, Valnadis, chwoey and 1 others thanked this post.

  4. #4
    INFJ - The Protectors

    I don't think it is a Typology thing any more than a personal character trait.

    Although, that being said; no, I can't relate to any of that. I tend to be the exact opposite to all the points you made.

    I don't develop crushes easily. When I do I will typically have known that person for a while (read: weeks/months). I usually opt for a different route than yours, which is one of avoidance. It fails with great efficacy.
    chwoey thanked this post.

  5. #5

    Nearly everyone in our generation partakes in serial monogamy.

    If you've had more than one significant other then you do serial monogamy.
    Last edited by angularvelocity; 12-20-2012 at 09:01 PM.
    balderdash thanked this post.

  6. #6
    Unknown Personality

    I'm guessing this means that you ignored my help @chwoey since you are now questioning being an ISTP... a short moment after being typed as ISTP...

  7. #7
    INFJ - The Protectors

    Quote Originally Posted by Acerbusvenator View Post
    I'm guessing this means that you ignored my help @chwoey since you are now questioning being an ISTP... a short moment after being typed as ISTP...
    :) Sorry Acer. I just have been feeling fairly feely lately. :P
    I think I might post this on the ISTP thread as well to see how they reply.


     

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