[INFJ] Comforting others?

Comforting others?

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This is a discussion on Comforting others? within the INFJ Forum - The Protectors forums, part of the NF's Temperament Forum- The Dreamers category; So, I've experienced this a couple times now. People who are in emotional distress sometimes come and talk to me ...

  1. #1
    INFJ - The Protectors

    Comforting others?

    So, I've experienced this a couple times now. People who are in emotional distress sometimes come and talk to me about it.

    For example, my good friend (ISFJ) just last night told me how his parents might be on the verge of splitting. I really love the fact he was willing to tell me this, but I felt kind of uncomfortable because I had no idea what to say. I asked some situational questions so I could better understand what he's going through, but him opening up to me generally put me into my "quietly-thinking mode" and I didn't say much. Overall I came out of the conversation feeling like I could have done so much more.

    Am I simply over-thinking this? Is the fact that he was able to talk to me and "get if off his chest" enough?
    Dauntless, ideologicalflowz, Synched and 1 others thanked this post.



  2. #2
    INFJ - The Protectors


    Quote Originally Posted by arespectableman View Post
    So, I've experienced this a couple times now. People who are in emotional distress sometimes come and talk to me about it.

    For example, my good friend (ISFJ) just last night told me how his parents might be on the verge of splitting. I really love the fact he was willing to tell me this, but I felt kind of uncomfortable because I had no idea what to say. I asked some situational questions so I could better understand what he's going through, but him opening up to me generally put me into my "quietly-thinking mode" and I didn't say much. Overall I came out of the conversation feeling like I could have done so much more.

    Am I simply over-thinking this? Is the fact that he was able to talk to me and "get if off his chest" enough?
    For this, IMO, yes.

    People open up as they are comfortable, and for guys, they are taught to disregard their feelings, and so they suffer.

    It was good of you to be there, and I'm sure he'll reach out more in the future, and you'll be more at ease as well.

    I have had people tell me their most critical stories, and until I learned/was able to step out of my skin, as it were, it was HARD.

  3. #3

    Yes, I'd say. He obviously trusts you a great deal if he was willing to open up to you about something like that. Most people just want an ear to listen to them. Unless you've been through a similar situation you can't really relate. You can try to imagine but that's about it. I don't think people expect/want you to say anything, just listen. I've tried the whole "fix it" thing. That makes it worse sometimes :D People just want someone to lean on.
    Dauntless, Abrasion and Apdenoatis thanked this post.

  4. #4
    INFJ - The Protectors


    It seems like you did all that you were able to do at that moment, and that is always enough. I think it's better to stay within yourself and not force the action rather than trying to do more just because you feel a need to. You will have more chances in the future as you become more familiar with the intricacies of the situation. In my own experiences, there have been many times where people could not even offer an ear and a shoulder. What you did is an important element of being there for a person, and is more significant than it may seem.
    Belovodia and Abrasion thanked this post.

  5. #5

    I think you did as much as he probably hoped for.

    I also don't inherently know how to respond in these cases, aside from active listening. As it turns out, that's usually the right strategy :)
    Dauntless and Nay thanked this post.

  6. #6
    INFJ - The Protectors


    Quote Originally Posted by Ashcancowgirl View Post
    I think you did as much as he probably hoped for.

    I also don't inherently know how to respond in these cases, aside from active listening. As it turns out, that's usually the right strategy :)
    Good stuff! @Ashcancowgirl , good stuff
    Ashneversleeps thanked this post.

  7. #7
    INFJ - The Protectors

    Quote Originally Posted by arespectableman View Post
    So, I've experienced this a couple times now. People who are in emotional distress sometimes come and talk to me about it.

    For example, my good friend (ISFJ) just last night told me how his parents might be on the verge of splitting. I really love the fact he was willing to tell me this, but I felt kind of uncomfortable because I had no idea what to say. I asked some situational questions so I could better understand what he's going through, but him opening up to me generally put me into my "quietly-thinking mode" and I didn't say much. Overall I came out of the conversation feeling like I could have done so much more.

    Am I simply over-thinking this? Is the fact that he was able to talk to me and "get if off his chest" enough?
    That happens to me all the time, not specifically your friend's problem, but people coming to me, asking for advice. I usually just listen and don't know what to say. But they always thank me at the end, even though I feel as if I've not done enough, or as much as I possibly could.

    Oh and yes, usually the fact that people can talk to you and "get it off their chest" is enough. At least that's what I've noticed from my own experiences.
    Last edited by Synched; 12-22-2012 at 02:30 AM. Reason: Forgot to answer the question :p

  8. #8
    INFJ - The Protectors

    Your friend was just looking for someone to listen to him. You did the right thing. Don't worry about it!

  9. #9
    INFJ - The Protectors

    I think listening for listening's sake can be just as valuable as giving advice. Most people someone chooses to confide in are going to be talkers. They're just more socially available. They're going to be talkers with the best intentions and they're going to do a lot of good, but they're also providing something very different from what you're able to provide. I think people need both. There's a certain irony to the fact that saying very, very little can be one of the most effective ways of conveying just how much you care. That alone can do a lot of good.

    To be honest, I don't think I often do give advice. What I do try to do, though, is listen to what people say and put the most positive spin I can on it. I think it's an Ni thing, we can build up an incredible image of what someone's experienced and we can create a more optimistic interpretation that they'll feel more comfortable with.


     

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