[INFJ] Friendships with other MBTI types

Friendships with other MBTI types

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This is a discussion on Friendships with other MBTI types within the INFJ Forum - The Protectors forums, part of the NF's Temperament Forum- The Dreamers category; I have noticed recently that I have accumulated quite a few friends who are ISFP's. They now make up 50% ...

  1. #1

    Friendships with other MBTI types

    I have noticed recently that I have accumulated quite a few friends who are ISFP's. They now make up 50% of my friends whereas in the past I had maybe one ... far between making another ISFP friend.

    I am just curious as to if anybody else has noticed this that they have more friends of one type than any other. Do you have friends who are INTP's mostly? or ESFP's? I'm looking more for responses about friendships and not romantic relationships, so please just comment on the friendship aspect. Thanks!
    emerald sea and Sour Roses thanked this post.



  2. #2

    I have one friend, an INFP. Don't really have much of a friendship history. I didn't have any personal friends from age 0 to 17 or so, then had maybe a dozen between 17 and 21, no idea what types they might have been. Haven't had any friends since 21 or so, except for the INFP.
    Last edited by Marvin the Dendroid; 07-24-2018 at 10:45 AM.

  3. #3

    My boyfriend is an INFP. I don't know what my other friends or bfs have been though. I only know my bf is INFP because he's tested himself lol.
    emerald sea thanked this post.

  4. #4
    INFJ


    I'm pretty sure that my childhood best friend was an ISFP, but I haven't had too many close relationships with ISFPs since then. I did have one when I was in highschool and going through a very rough time, and I will always appreciate that he was there for me during all of that.

    I'm kind of stereotypical, honestly. Most of my good friendships have been with other Ns, but I do have a handful of xSTPs in the mix -- they seem to be the Sensors I consistently get along best with (must be a Beta quadrant thing).

    I was best friends with an ESTP during middle school/some of high school, but she went buck wild when she was around 18 and we didn't want much to do with each other by that point. Last I heard, her life is a train wreck. It's unfortunate. I'm currently friends with a male ESTP, but our friendship has always been odd to the point of being comedic. This has a lot to do with the fact that when he first met me a New Year's party, he was aggressively hitting on me until he realized that I was there with my husband (he had been on the prowl for a wife and apparently I was "his type"). It took him awhile to phase out of that behavior, but it obviously got a lot better when he met the girl who became his wife. I was the maid of honor at their wedding. He can be kind of an ass sometimes, but he's also incredibly generous and loyal. More so than most of the people I know.

    The deepest cerebral connections I've made have been with xNTJs. I was pretty much attached at the hip to an INTJ for a long while, but our friendship was ridiculously turbulent (long story short: an INFJ with BPD and an INTJ with bipolar disorder do not make for a steady friendship). I don't regret having it, but it probably should have died sooner than it did. I was good friends with an ENTJ who is, so far, the only person I've met who could really banter with me for long periods of time. Our conversations were really stimulating, too. Life hit him hard, though, and for many reasons I've decided that it's best for me to keep my distance.

    ENFPs are like a spiritual home for me. Once things fizzled out with ESTP, my closest female friend was an ENFP. It was the first time she and I had ever had a connection like that with somebody, and it was something we remarked on a lot. We noticed that we were able to spend long periods of time together (e.g.: we lived in a tent together for 2 weeks after sharing a cabin for 10 days) without wanting to kill each other, and that we felt like something was missing when we were apart. A friendship with a male ENFP -- who is to this day one of the most amazing people I've ever met -- was what made me realize that an ENFP was the sort of person I could marry.

    Well, that's my friendship history vomit for you.
    emerald sea, Windblownhair, Leahomme and 1 others thanked this post.

  5. #5

    @Zosio913 That's an interesting story about the ESTP guy. I'm still thinking I've never met one in real life?? I haven't had much success with xNTJ's. The females are usually "too busy" but actually just kind of want their space and will schedule times to be away from people for weeks at a time. ENFP's are wonderful! I can imagine that I would be able to do the same as you and spend a lot of time with someone just one-on-one and not get sick of them. The only thing that has prevented me from having ENFP close friendships is because they are very flighty and tend to be attracted to whatever is in front of them at the moment and thus they don't keep up the relationship well because they don't initiate when we aren't physically in the same room. But yes, I have wondered for a long time if an ENFP would be the perfect spouse for me.

    I've still got to figure out if ESFP is perhaps a better fit for me though. Thanks for your thoughtful reply!
    Zosio913 thanked this post.

  6. #6

    I have never been fulfilled by friendship since I was a child.

    I don't remember the ones I had back then. I do think I was a very different person in those days...

    I have more xstjs popping up in life recently. I know one is introvert and the other may be extrovert. The relationship has its limits. There is also a isfj stranger I think.
    I fit that statistic where satisfaction in relationships with sensing types was low, and I am very curious what other INFJs have to say about relationships with them (as in friendship).
    This doesn't mean the relationship means nothing. I certainly learned things and they make me feel safer than most people I have met (I have not met a lot of intuitive types for some reason). I also like to imagine that at the time I was developing my spirituality, they had mirrored that even if it was kind of an exterior thing.

  7. #7

    My three friends are an INTP, INTJ and an xNFP.

    I also get along well enough with an ISFP.
    Marvin the Dendroid and Leahomme thanked this post.

  8. #8

    @raschel I think relationships with Sensing types will require a bit of education on the part of the Intuitive mostly because as far as the statistics were when I was growing up, Sensing types are in the majority. So everything they do and how they behave is "normal" and Intuitives, we are the odd ones. For me, with Sensing types I almost always have to qualify the relationship so as to not take things personally. Introverted sensors can be very lazy with relationships (never taking the initiative or requiring MUCH space) and extroverted sensors are so busy with all their relationships (and trying to fill their schedule to feel super important/busy) that they also leave the burden of initiating up to me unless they are throwing a party and I am invited. Not to say that Intuitives aren't guilty of any of those things, but because my quality of relationship with an Intuitive is naturally deeper and stronger, it's more fulfilling than my relationship with Sensors and therefore able to withstand more stress. I think the hardest for me is Sensors who have Fi because that's something I have trouble relating to. With the Fi Sensors, I've noticed that they put themselves FIRST above anybody else and thus a promise is never a promise because something might come up and they decide to put themselves first again.

    This recently happened to me with an ISFP friend. She hadn't seen me in a while and wanted to get together and I suggested we go to an event that was in town. Because of the nature of the event, (being a family event) she politely asked if she could bring her adult daughter and her daughter's daughter (the grandchild). I said it would be okay as long as the grandchild didn't force us to cut our time short because of exhaustion or anything. Basically, I was leaving it up to her judgment that the kid's presence wouldn't take away from our time together or even the quality of our time together. When we were at the event, the ISFP friend kept wandering off to follow the grandkid wherever she wanted to go instead of staying with me. At first, it was because of a physical limitation that I was avoiding one area of the event so I said it was okay for her to go there without me. Then later, because it set a precedent and she was looking at things in a different order than I was, she essentially had "abandoned" me the entire time. We kept bumping into each other only to have her go off again and follow the grandkid (which wasn't necessary because the kid's mother was there and they all live together so this wasn't like precious time that she had to sacrifice). Finally, she apologized about "abandoning" me, but it didn't sound sincere... just sounded like she didn't want me to think she was a monster, but wasn't sorry about what she did and she would definitely do it again. That reminded me of another friend who knows her who has Fe who had warned me that this ISFP friend "Does whatever she wants whenever she wants to do it regardless of the effects it has on anyone else. It simply is her world and you are living in it" and so I saw how my friend's warning was true. So obviously now, I have to qualify the relationship and won't be able to expect us to be close friends because that Fi is always sabotaging the relationship.

    Another ISFP friend I had felt comfortable (really comfortable) abandoning me on my birthday to do something that would make her "feel good about herself". She also apologized, but again it was an empty apology because she was essentially saying she would do it again because I could not be a priority to her.

    My extroverted sensor friendships have been very short-lived. (They tend to befriend types who are similar to them) Although they may be able to be supportive or caring/helpful at times, there just isn't the same kind of loyalty that I feel from an Intuitive friend. With my intuitive friends, their caring seems much more genuine (even the ones with Fi). The feeling I get with extroverted sensors is that I am just their "seasonal friend" and one of "MANY". Therefore, you just can't get the same quality of relationship with someone who has you on a list of 100 friends versus someone who has you on a list of only a handful.

    My hunch is that the reason you haven't met many Intuitive types is because you do not initiate with strangers. You sometimes have to seek out an Intuitive, whether at work, at an organization or whatever. You have to be the one to approach them and have a conversation topic ready. They tend to be more content with their small circle of friends, so they may not necessarily approach you (even the extroverted ones). I have been approached by a few Intuitive people in my life but only after they were certain (from their intuition) that we could become great friends (and indeed they were right).

  9. #9

    Thanks @Leahomme for your message. I just find it odd--having worked in many places and with lots of people, but them not ending up in my department. Or if they did, were very young or ended up quitting. I do have I believe an ENFP supervisor and an ENxx colleague in the past.
    It brings me up another topic, which is if your functions are a little more balanced, as in 50/50, even E vs I is in the 50%, you may be able to fit in with more people. I like to imagine an intuitive type would find another intuitive kind of like meeting a kindred spirit. I know I felt that with my supervisor but I don't believe it is reciprocated, nor with other intuitives I have met such as at club meets.

    How long have you known your ISFP friends? Could you call them close enough to call them friends? I guess it matters how we approach friendship. If we are able to converse with a bunch of people at work and go out with them--but personally a friend to me is someone you could probably go home with. At least for now. Someone you could live with. Sometimes I think it is as close as a lover.

    In the statistics posted in the forum somewhere, it wrote that relationship satisfaction was sensing vs intuitive, so I gathered it was about the Se or Si functions that the INFJ was not matching up well with. This has been my experience...
    In response to the last part of your post, I do have my eyes on some people in other departments but I am waiting to be sure before I act on it.

  10. #10
    INFJ - The Protectors

    I think I'm one of those INFJs that find other INFJs most pleasant, the least 'resistance' in a way and the most 'open'. I can do whatever I want in their presence and not be judged (maybe teased though) and often times even though they won't join in, they deeply enjoy honest human expression that comes from deep inside, quirks and all.

    Growing up I found I got along minimally with all types with the exception of the very jock-like boorish kinds that berate others socially (detested them, but not as much anymore, since people will do what they need to to get by). I made friends with an istp and (a very social) intp in late high school but didn't see them more than a few times a year, fast forward another 2 years and I basically didn't see them anymore. I probably knew a few infjs in high school too, they would have been the people that seemed to function based off of 'meaningful connection' and very personally, present with the other person. I felt most comfortable with them, even if just in their vicinity.

    After that, a few years hiatus socially and my friends basically became: isfj, infp, infj, infj, infj (Another year) -> infp, infj, infj, infj, infj, infj, infj, infj (Then) -> Completely infjs for just about 2 years -> Now it's roughly infj x6 entp x1 intj x1 enfp x1 isfp x1. (Overall friends is probably like 80% infjs over about 80 people).

    My friends accept my (overly, at least to general society) self-critical nature, not negative but I'm always analysing and reflecting on things, dancing around, analysing something else, being nurturing or plain silly and jokey :)

    I believe when you've hit the point in life where the people around you mirror the qualities you love in yourself, you've got life set, no complaints and no bull shit :)

    You could say I was trying to find pieces of myself back when I started making friends, and infjs just happened to mirror qualities back to me and give me a 'stable ground' but now that I have that in myself I much more enjoy pushing my boundaries beyond what mbti often defines us as and have become a mixed bag of traits from my wide and varying interests over the years, which are still growing. Life is there to be experienced, explored and enjoyed, so why limit yourself in what you can learn to love if not already or more deeply?
    raschel thanked this post.


     
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