[INFJ] How do I support an overly stressed/depressed ENFP? (being an INFJ)

How do I support an overly stressed/depressed ENFP? (being an INFJ)

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  • 1 Post By cvkr

This is a discussion on How do I support an overly stressed/depressed ENFP? (being an INFJ) within the INFJ Forum - The Protectors forums, part of the NF's Temperament Forum- The Dreamers category; I tried posting this in the ENFP forum but for some reason couldn't make it (the prefix error wouldn't stop ...

  1. #1

    How do I support an overly stressed/depressed ENFP? (being an INFJ)

    I tried posting this in the ENFP forum but for some reason couldn't make it (the prefix error wouldn't stop showing up), so I brought it here. Hope anyone can help

    How do I support an overly stressed/depressed ENFP? (being an INFJ)

    My girlfriend is an ENFP and one of the most wonderful human beings I know. However, she's going through a really hard phase right now. She's been fired from her job, but she's completely in charge of her bills (rent, transportation, food, college, etc.). She does get a little help from her family, but she's naturally very stressed about not finding another job soon. She's left her parents home for about a year and a half now, and doesn't want to go back. She studies Audiovisual and is a very artistic person, and has this very strong urge to make something meaningful, to leave something good to people out of it - although she doesn't know how yet - but life gets in the way, oftenly, so this, too, stresses her out. On top of it all, she doubts herself a lot, like she's not conscious or doesn't believe how amazing, inspiring and smart she is, and has a lot of trouble attending the demands of "real life" (and I totally get her).

    I'm an INFJ. If I could, I would solve all of her problems for her (and I usually try to). However, I know there is only so much I can do and that a lot of the things she's feeling and experiencing right now are beyond my reach. I do wanna make everything I can to help her, tho, but the thing is I don't know what I can do right now, what would be welcomed by her and what would bother her.

    I know it's usual for ENFPs to disappear for a while to sort things out, but knowing this doesn't stop me from worrying when she withdraws, specially because it tends to happen "out of nowhere". I try my best to understand her needs and give her space, however I can't help feeling I should be doing something, taking care of her, idk. I do tell her (almost everyday) how much I admire her, believe in her and how happy she makes me - to the point that I think I'm being annoying. I write her poems and little notes, buy her stuff I know she wants, cook for her and try to always be there, but somehow I also feel that I should just step back and let her be alone for a bit.

    The thing is, I get really concerned when she withdraws for, like, an entire day or two, without talking to me. I feel this urge to call her, show up at her place to check if she's ok (never did it, though, 'cause I know how important it is to respect her personal space), but I also don't want to smother her. I know I'm not the actual problem, and I don't want to become one, but I worry nevertheless. Other thing that makes me question if I'm actually colaborating or not is that she usually turns to other people (people she met online, mostly) when she's down and it's a lot easier for her to express her feelings for them than it is for me (but I don't know if this is just an ENFP thing or not).

    I also try to help by planning things for us to do, being more organized, supporting every crazy idea that she has, showing interest in the things she holds dear, but still I feel like sometimes this is not enough or that, on the other hand, I "try too much" and it could have the opposite effect on her.

    So my question, if you know/have a relationship with an ENFP, which traits I could use in her favor and which I should leave out of the way in order to help her?

    Thank you.
    Fru2 thanked this post.

  2. #2

    As an ENFP with an INFJ mother, I could tell you that the thing that doesn't really help is telling her how much you understand her and trying to comfort her by showing her the positive side, that doesn't help because it looks like you're trying to cover up all the shit she is dealing with. I tend to lose my Ne under extreme and long stress, losing my focus on my goals. What I need during those times, and seek to find on a constant basis generally is motivation and inspiration.

    You should take me being a guy into account, but I want somebody to expect me to do well. Demand her strengths to come forward in a positive, playful and assertive manner. Don't reassure her, acknowledge her strong points as if it's obvious that she's good at what she does and remind her of that. Inspire her through sharing your dreams with her. Inspire her through showing her what you believe her potential is. Inflate her ego. Tell her that if there's one person that could've dealt with all her problems in a superb way, it would've been her.

    Maybe it's me as a male 8w7 ENFP speaking, but I believe that a lot of ENFPs would say that this is the way to go.


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