[INFJ] Depressed and overwhelmed by life

Depressed and overwhelmed by life

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This is a discussion on Depressed and overwhelmed by life within the INFJ Forum - The Protectors forums, part of the NF's Temperament Forum- The Dreamers category; I've been feeling very sad and stressed about my life situation lately and don't know what I should do next. ...

  1. #1

    Overwhelmed by life

    I've been feeling very sad and stressed about my life situation lately and don't know what I should do next. I'm about to graduate college this spring with a degree in a field I have no interest in (funny to realize that now lol I know) and need to get a job and start paying off my student debts and figure out my life. My initial plan was to work for a year after graduation and go back to college while working, but I feel like I can't trust myself to make the correct choices anymore.

    I've grown apart from most friends over the last years too. They are lovely people, but I just don't know how to relate to things others like anymore and have a hard time making deeper connections with people around me. I go out and hang out with friends but I'm kind of on autopilot. I feel like on a deep level I never truly fit in with anyone and no one really knows me. I'm unable to date/be sexual with anyone because I'm insecure about my body and feel too ashamed of my current life situation to let anyone close, even though I feel lonely and would like a close romantic relationship with someone.

    I've had some health issues after being diagnosed with a chronic condition (nothing life threatening, but it does make daily life a bit harder at times). Also my parents divorced this year after 35+ years of marriage and are selling the family home I grew up in. I know this shouldn't affect me that much since I don't live at home full time anymore and am supposed to be an adult, but it's confusing and hard to deal with.

    I don't know how everyone else around me seems to be doing so fine with their lives and seems content with what they are doing. I feel empty for not having a life purpose, and am starting to find it hard to just get out of bed and got to college/work when I don't know what it's for. I feel like I've lost my passion for life and I don't know what I should be doing next. I want to make a positive difference in the world and help people, but I don't know how I'm gonna do that when I can barely get myself to do the bare minimum.

    I don't know if this makes that much sense but I just feel very lost and alone. Not sure what I should do next and how to stay motivated to keep trying when everything seems kind of pointless. I feel like everything's been going kind of wrong in the last few years (education, finances, family, friends, love life, physical health, mental health etc.) and I feel so overwhelmed :/

    I don't know what I expect people to say, I just feel like I need to let out some steam by writing this out.
    Last edited by thislittlebluebird; 12-19-2018 at 03:27 PM. Reason: Spelling



  2. #2

    You could look into a bit of paper work that would allow you the time you need to get on your own feet and delay payments on your student loans. As for relationships good luck as it is Bad these days, as for the rest you have to take it one moment at a time one day at a time.

  3. #3

    First of all, a virtual hug

    I don't feel I can give you too much advice (I'm also graduating in the spring, so we can be clueless as to what to do together!), but I do think it helps to know that this:
    Quote Originally Posted by thislittlebluebird View Post
    I don't know how everyone else around me seems to be doing so fine with their lives and seems content with what they are doing.
    isn't necessarily as true as it seems. I know you did use the word "seems," but it's hard to convince oneself when down that everyone else isn't hugely better off. They probably aren't though, truly. And I'm sure you at least seem as together as everyone else looks to you! Even the people who have a 'nice' job sitting there waiting for them might be plenty unhappy beneath it all.

    I've been struggling a lot with feeling lost in what to do too. Lately however, I've come to accept that maybe being somewhat lost is not such a terrible thing. I should acknowledge that I'm lucky in that I don't absolutely need to get a job right away as far as finances are concerned. But regardless, not knowing what on earth to do and feeling like you have to pick something is scary.

    I think it helps to remember that having something set to do, having a clear job/career, doesn't equal happiness even if it creates the appearance of it. And if you are able to find a way to explore more and find something you really like doing, chances are you'll be more successful as well as happier. And I know that's easier said than done.

    Getting a job for now and exploring more academics on the side sounds like it could be a great idea. I have some friends now who are in their mid and late twenties, have studying one thing and switched and worked in between, or even made it here from poor backgrounds in different countries, and who are, I think, really brave to be doing what they are doing in going back to school and pursuing something they love (we're in architecture). I know it was quite difficult for the one from Czech at least to get where she is. And I certainly admire the other for her decisions (she's also working part time and is a full time student, it is possible!).

    From your posts in the past as well, you've always seemed like a nice, intelligent person and someone I would probably like to be friends with if I knew you in real life! I think getting out of college is an uncertain time for most, but I'm sure you can get through it--trust your INFJ instincts and you'll find something right!
    Sour Roses, raschel and Yoda thanked this post.

  4. #4

    maybe you'd feel better if you knew other people went/go through the same thing?

    let's look at the good side. perhaps you could try a job in your field. perhaps you find a spot that suits you well. a specialization. you never know.

    or even more probable you will change jobs repeatedly. however in that time you are growing and developing what it is in a job that works best for you.

    this makes all the difference. you can't really know it all in the beginning , in your first time at college. you live life, you have many jobs, you learn more about yourself. could say this is the more correct moment to go into a career. I know that I feel better going to school now than when I was young.
    (same thing for marriage and having children imo)

    I don't know if this is totally true but in a uk article I read people who have degrees have access to a larger job market than one who doesn't, even when that job is unrelated to their degree.
    and same for salary.
    you could go faster paying off loans this way and saving for a different course.

    I was diagnosed with a chronic condition as well and the medication where I am living now is unbelievable. but I found a way, thankfully.

    I think you are anxious just because you don't know what will happen. but you find a job and that's pretty much it. you just keep going.

  5. #5

    First, see a therapist, then sort your stuff out.

    After that you need some meaning in your life. I'd go the traditional route because it was proven to work. Find someone, settle down, have a family and such usual things that make someone feel fulfilled.

    Or you could live aimlessly. But I doubt there's gold at the end of that rainbow.

    And before I hear the choir preaching "but everyone is different"... Oh, shut up! Just shhh! You know nothing! Because if you did, you wouldn't be a pitiful depressed mess. And I mean that about lots of people around these parts that are constantly depressed. And have been so depressed that they don't remember why they are depressed anymore.

    Humans are composed of many things and one of which is biology. Like it or not, as humans, we want families. It is in our code and purpose. I know the topic is not popular with INFJs, and I couldn't really give a crap about it, I can tell you that meaning in life does not come from stupid dreams. It comes from concrete things like finding someone that gets you, buying that house, settling down, having kids and the likes.

    I rather you see a specialist. On this forum you'll only find misery and lost souls that desperately cling on to childhood impractical dreams that are not going to happen. This is basically Hotel California once you come in here and listen to the people that are so lost for meaning and are wasting so much time looking in all the wrong places. There's depression and then there's hipster depression. Need I say more about which kind you usually find around these parts?

    Get your act together, set a goal and walk towards it at your own pace, but don't wander aimlessly hoping for happiness to find you.

    My post comes across as abrasive and rude, but would you want me to hold your hand or actually point you in the right direction?

    Send me a message if you'd like to talk more. I won't say no or ignore you. I'm sure you have your life story and plenty of reasons to be depressed but that does not mean you should waste your life in this gray bubble that you got yourself into.
    Last edited by FreeKekistan; 12-20-2018 at 07:31 AM.
    hugh315 and jess86 thanked this post.

  6. #6

    First Gigantic hug! and well done coming here and talk to people about your situation, I would say that's the first step to solving the problem.

    I agree with @FreeKekistan that it's better to see a therapist. I worked as a volunteer in college for student counselling and I know professionals have a much better edge to help people get out of the negative psychological spiral.

    Read something and listen to some music. I get a lot of strengths from reading and music in my difficult times.

    Reach out to people. Don't blame yourself for not being able to connect with your friends, because although they are nice people, not all nice people become good friends. Don't let it hold you back and try to get to know more people, then you'd have a better chance finding real friends and maybe someone you like.

    Last year I also had a really tough time during which sports and cooking really helped me too. If you are not happy with your lifestyle, try some kind of sports. I like climbing personally because you can start from different levels and the people that do climbing are very nice people in general.

  7. #7
    INFJ - The Protectors

    Sounds like pretty classic depression and I'd say a visit with a therapist may be in order. There's a lot of little things that sound like they may be contributing--maybe go through them one by one? Work on the little things and the big things take care of themselves, as they say.

    School situation - work experience looks just as cool on a resume as college (after you've got your degree), so I wouldn't worry too hard about how long it takes you to go back to college. When you do go back to college, you could always take a different degree path than what you first planned on too--though I'd suggest trying to get some jobs or volunteer experience that is close to what that new degree path is, to see if you like it, before you blow more money on it.

    Body insecurity - exercise more? even if it's not something that will change the look of your body (weight loss is terribly hard even if you do it all "right" by the book), just the endorphins it releases is good for you. Make it a kind of exercise that's already kind of fun for you if possible. Don't worry about the end result so much either--healthy and happy is a good look on anyone no matter what other little flaws they might have.

    Dating - Still in this muddle myself, but I've found there's a lot of fish in the sea, some that match up to you more than others, and you just have to keep trying. It doesn't hurt too to consider some basic things like how you "dress up", how you say hello to new people, what your profile looks like if you're dating online, etc, to give you an edge.

    Divorce - unfortunately this falls into one of those categories where you just have to bear it through, but maybe there are some details here and there than you could smooth out. For instance, are you worried about keeping in contact with one of your parents or how it might be awkward on holidays? You could establish plans of how you will hang out with them in the future. Are you worried that you are indirectly at fault for some of their issues? Talk it out with them. Would pictures of the old family house, or getting to take a favorite piece of furniture from it, etc, help ease your loss of it?

    Also, if you'd like to make a positive difference in someone's life--volunteer!

    Overall, don't forget that comparing yourself to others is like comparing all your bloopers and out-takes their director's cut, award winning highlight reel. It is likely those people who seem so much better have their own skeletons in the closet and worries chewing on them, that they're just choosing to hide from the public eye -- and that it is probably the same in reverse, and people give you more credit than you give yourself.
    Marvin the Dendroid thanked this post.

  8. #8

    I constantly have to remind myself it's ok to be me, like weekly or daily, due to the messages in the world suggesting otherwise.
    This helps me, maybe it will help you too:
    "Your gifts of sensitivity include deep reflection and an instinct to see all angles and consequences. But by being so deeply tuned in to details, you’re easily overwhelmed and exhausted by unyielding stimulation. And when you don’t understand why you feel and behave in the ways you do, it’s easy to frame these as flaws."

    Whether the quote is what you're going through or not, I just want to say it seems to help to count five things I'm grateful for when I'm feeling down. It trains your mind to look for positive aspects of your life too. I do it daily til I feel better, always seems to work.
    Marvin the Dendroid thanked this post.


     

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