This is a discussion on INFJ help with SE within the INFJ Forum - The Protectors forums, part of the NF's Temperament Forum- The Dreamers category; Originally Posted by Marvin the Dendroid I like doing the dishes... I like pretty much anything that creates order (cleaning, ...
I go to a dance class once a week. It's my only form of exercise. But it helps me get out of my head and my overthinking tendencies. Sometimes, it can be a frustrating experience to look in the mirror and find myself not properly executing the steps as coolly and perfectly as the instructor does, but I do it for endorphins and to release myself from the chain of my thoughts from time to time.
Lots of tape... more tape in all directions.
It's funny though, that people seem to divide to be happy cooking or happy washing up, but rarely both.
This is why I only use paper plates, disposable plastic cutlery and cups.
Well, that and my OCD issues leave me worrying about how clean anything ever gets, even from air contact, so new plastic is a life saver, (on the ecological side, well I've worked out that I'm saving a lot of water & heat energy, so I don't feel too bad).
Se use on its own is a distraction from depression and stress, but if you combine it with Fe (backed up by Ni-Ti) you can come out on the other side of it with something more. As an ENFJ I use my Fe-Se quite a lot when I'm feeling down. I play/write music on my guitar, paint things, draw portraits, create things in my wood working shop, etc. I try to create something physical that is meaningful or useful to me to establish self worth and provide a sense of accomplishment. A monument that says "I am alive, I have purpose, I can accomplish what I set my mind to".
High Ni demands that things be completed and usually only feels satisfied when it has reached the end or found its answer. But it's up to Fe-Se in an XNFJ to do the external work since Ni-Ti can only go so far with planning and thinking.
--Working out at the gym
--Waxing the car
--(House-) Painting (keep each session's goal modest)
Never so much cared for jazz, but thank you. I think something that makes SE difficult for me, is that if I am doing it by myself, I run the risk of getting all in my head again. I should mention I have ADD, so it's easy for me to become inattentive in whatever I do. I think especially with the current mood I am in. SE stuff sounds like buddy stuff to me. I guess that's the other problem, I've shed a lot of friends, and am reluctant (for good reason) to allow the ones I still talk to get all that close or involved in my life again. I kept thinking, man all this shit would be fun and easy if I was doing it with a friend. I currently have no extroverts in my life, and the introverts... well we're much like herding cats aren't we? I can hear myself talk and I know I sound like I'm being fussy and difficult, but what can I say? I very much FEEL fussy and difficult. I can't just make my brain happy at the moment. But that's a lot what ADD can feel like, there's a pissy toddler in your head that just wants what it wants. I feel like at least coming on here and venting to people is at least a start. I've really cut down my social life, at first it was for the best. Now I guess I need more people in my life to make it interesting again. But I'm in my 30's, work a full time job (that I enjoy, but exhausts me too) and I'm just looking at myself like Christ, where do I even begin to rebuild a social life? I'm stuck in this logic loop like, fuck, I need more friends, eh, but friends are so much work, what will renew and refresh me? Apparently working on your inferior function should revitalize you. Ugh but SE shit is buddy shit – I got no one to hang out with – uuuuuuggghhh!
Like I get it tho, I know I'm being ridiculous. I'm trying to work my way through it. Thanks to anyone who has taken the time to indulge me thus far.
Doing things for yourself by yourself is a healthy thing to do for an XNFJ. We cannot depend on others for all our life to ensure our happiness or to help us brave the Se world. (I've tried it, it doesn't work).
Go watch that movie you've been wanting to watch, Go to that shop that has that cool thing you want to see, Make your own music/art for your own satisfaction. Learn to wield your Se without the help of others.
Ya, I know you are right too. Just gotta suck it up and do it.
I have been known to purposely save up a nasty mess of pots and pans from the night before on therapy days, so I can pile in as soon as I get home.
Doing dishes with a dishwasher isn't the same. Yech. No contact, no flow. Opening, shutting, plasticy mechanical tactile experience, spatial calculations, walking back and forth tediously from the sink.
And, perversely, I only feel the dish-doing pull when I'm in the right frame of mind, and it's not a matter of needing to get the kitchen cleaned up quickly for something.